I don't know where else to turn.

[newbie-neo-maybe-welll-confused]

I don't know what to do, I keep looking and looking day and night for help, and everyone tells me to find someone else. I don't think a medical western medicine can help me. I feel like I need spiritual help.

Here is what happened, although it is embarrassing to tell. I have had OCD my whole life, I looked in to magic to help so that I can be normal around people and not be controlled by something that my whole life seems to be controlling me and out of control aka my ocd.

I started trying to learn about good magic and found a youtube video about how on the back of the dollar is the all seeing eye and pyramid so I cut the eye out of the dollar and said swallowed it meanwhile saying a prayer to the good god to trade in my ocd for spiritual guidance and strength to enter through the eye in to my soul to kill my odd and make me one with all that is good in the universe.

I see now it was a mistake to do such a ritual, and I am paying for it ever since with each new day worst then the one before it. I get that the world is apparently going to end.

But I am asking, begging for anything that can be done. I am not trying to dump my problems on you or anyone else. I am not trying to be a bother to the Dean, I understand if he doesn't have time for me just because I am a fan, and not a student. But I am desperate, and I don't know where else to turn.

I so Thank full to you for replying to me, so far you have been the most helpful, and the only ones who seem to have any concern and love.

Please, I'll do anything. I am not lazy and trying to ask for help so that someone else can fix my problem for me, but I don't know where else to go.

I wish I was rich or had a motive I could give people to help me, I am sorry I am not.

[Desecrated]

Swallowing a piece of paper will not do anything. It's not a real ritual, nor is it magic.

Most likely you are having a paranoid episode. Please seek medical help.

[chris3]

Start developing spiritually. Gurdjieff said all humans are nothingness. The ones who do not practice the occult that is. Now as such you don't need to afraid to become something and find your true self. I can't fix your problem for you I can only offer guidance. I would if I could but sadly can't. You are fighting a inner battle where you will only win once you find your true self. You aren't what others make you believe you are or even that what you make yourself believe you are. Now you task is to dissolve the nothingness others and yourself made you into. I would recommend you meditate on this. It can not be understood just from having read it. I hope this helps if you need more help I can offer books you can also pm me if you want. May the light be with you. [happy] [happy] [happy]

[the_spiral]

Oh dear. I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. Are you currently working with a psychiatrist or counselor? If so, you need to share this with them. If not, you need to find one. It's important to rule out mental health causes when you already have a diagnosed condition and you find yourself unable to control your thoughts. And if it makes you feel better I don't think what you did comprises a magical ritual, or at least not one potent enough to be responsible for the symptoms you are having.

[Nahemah]

Swallowing a piece of paper will not do anything. It's not a real ritual, nor is it magic.

Ah, but it is, it's ritualistic behaviour based on magical thinking and it's a known and accepted feature of OCD. [twisted]

Nore not magickal thinking. [wink]

I have OCD and I have good control over it, I think I can advise you and might be able to help.

Anxiety is another feature and your post screams anxious at me too.

More in a bit. [thumbup]

[cyberdemon]

I started trying to learn about good magic and found a youtube video about how on the back of the dollar is the all seeing eye and pyramid so I cut the eye out of the dollar and said swallowed it meanwhile saying a prayer to the good god to trade in my ocd for spiritual guidance and strength to enter through the eye in to my soul to kill my odd and make me one with all that is good in the universe.

I dunno about any of you but this is downright the best example of chaos magick I've heard of in a while.

What are the problems, newbie? Give us details to what's been happening since you did this.

[RoseRed]

said swallowed it meanwhile saying a prayer to the good god to trade in my ocd for spiritual guidance and strength to enter through the eye in to my soul to kill my odd and make me one with all that is good in the universe.

That's actually kind of frightening. You made a bargain/ritual with a 'good god' (do you happen to have a name?) to kill off a part of yourself?

Being one with all that is good is very unbalanced. When you neglect or deny your Shadow Self - things get wonky.

[powessy]

I don't know what to do, I keep looking and looking day and night for help, and everyone tells me to find someone else. I don't think a medical western medicine can help me. I feel like I need spiritual help.

Hello

Your ocd is not just your problem but the problems of something inside of your soul. You trigger your own ocd by your thoughts and their thoughts about your thoughts this is a never ending battle back and forth. Try to change your focus every time you think of the things that are triggering your ocd. What can you do if the world ends? how can you change it? Deal with the things you can change and don't worry about the things you can't. Try to imagine your thoughts in your mind your fears so they can see them soon they will understand and stop your triggered thoughts.

Powessy

[Nahemah]

http://www.ocduk.org/ocd

To sufferers and non-sufferers alike, the thoughts and fears related to OCD can often seem profoundly shocking. It must be stressed, however, that they are just thoughts – not fantasies or impulses which will be acted upon.

For someone with OCD, their logical mind always remains functioning, even if their OCD mind is spiralling out of control. Most people with OCD know that their thoughts and behaviour are irrational and senseless, but feel completely incapable of stopping them, often from fear that not completing a particular behaviour will cause harm to a loved one. No matter how small the risk, the person with OCD will always feel responsible for preventing that bad event from happening.

OCD can also be a chameleon. For some people the OCD symptoms will remain unchanged, but for others it is not unusual that over time there may be changes to the type of OCD that becomes bothersome. Equally, it is not unusual for symptoms to wax and wane over time if untreated and become a little like a rollercoaster, with the severity increasing during times of stress, perhaps at work, university or within relationships, for example.

Doubt is another characteristic of the OCD sufferer – the French once called OCD ‘la folie de doute’ which translates to ‘the doubting disease’. Doubt is one of the emotions that feeds most obsessive and compulsive behaviour and it is this inability to live with doubt and uncertainty that drives OCD. People with OCD prefer black or white answers for their OCD, rather than being able to accept shades of grey.

Left unchecked and untreated, OCD will mushroom and feed upon itself and can have the power to consume if left unchallenged.

Receiving appropriate treatment, the highest quality standards of care and support and sticking to the treatment plan is the key to long term recovery.

OCD is indeed a chronic, but also a very treatable medical condition. Most people can learn to stop performing their compulsive rituals and to decrease the intensity of their obsessional thoughts through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). CBT is a form of talking therapy that focuses on the problems a person has in the here and now and helps them explore and understand alternative ways of thinking (the cognitive approach) and to challenge their beliefs through behavioural exercises.

Dialectics and combined therapies can also help a lot.

No one size fits all, but you can help yourself and get help to help yourself. It's time and effort consuming but it's much better for you, to come out on the other side with quirks and minor erratics,to your name, than it is to become consumed with never ending thought trails, obssessions, repetitions and so on and on and on...

http://www.ocduk.org/types-ocd

[minervajane]

Have you tried any of the natural methods to treat OCD? Inositol, Milk Thistle, SAMe are a few that might be worth trying until you can get the therapies going that Nahemah mentioned. Keep researching and working on it and try not to worry so much. If the world ends it won't be the first time. The seeing eye ritual you did sounds pretty cool to me. Maybe it will give you some insight! Hope you feel better.

[newbie-neo-maybe-welll-confused]

I'm a little confused. So is what I did confirmed a real magic ritual, or just all in my head? I tried speaking to a Professional who dshs referred me to, then when I tried to get a copy of the test results every time I call the person who answers tells me that she can only give me directions to his office and nothing more, I wait outside his office for hours and he only comes in to do the testing, then he's gone again. I never know when he's there. I spoke with my doctor from obamacare and he put in a request but has been unable to get any response, I spoke with dshs and they seemed angry over the phone and assured me they would contact the doctor but to no avail. I don't think I am on the record medically as even having o.c.d. other than when I told my doctor about it, he referred a temp medication, which had no noticeable effect of any help.

If my soul did go to any god, I wanted it to go to the god of divine creation, in return for me to have ultimate total control over my soul in all ways, and a good life, in return I promised to do good the rest of my life, (not that I ever planned on doing bad to begin with) and in all these ways my soul not really taken from me but more so transformed when ingesting the pyramids eye. That is what I wanted to happen, but I feel a sad darkness that I want to end.

I wish I could throw up the piece and then burn it. I wish I never swallowed anything. Too late. that is the worst part about time, by the time you learn your lesson, its too late to do anything about it, the damage is already done.

[newbie-neo-maybe-welll-confused]

The muscles in my face feel more defined, my eyes feel more eye popping awake, and I do not feel good at all, my heart won't stop racing. I don't even know how to bring something like this that sounds this crazy and embarrassing up to a medical professional. I just wish there was a free real life version of charmed I could go to see in person, that could help me in person. Is there any way anyone here knows of a trustworthy local practitioner I can come up with some money, I can get a hundred or so, I need something real, something in person if possible, and something done about this fast fast fast. I feel time is running out of the hour glass.

Again I can only imagine how crazy this all must sound, I am sorry to use the forum in this manner, I am sure this forum can be better used for people happinesses in posting instead of worrying about a complete stranger who is a new poster. But I am so sad, and desperate, I am at a point of begging.

[newbie-neo-maybe-welll-confused]

The only local place is a new age, but I was watching mark passio and he said that new age is from the dark occult, and I don't want to go to something like that if possible to avoid a dark occultist.

[newbie-neo-maybe-welll-confused]

The only local place is a new age, but I was watching mark passio and he said that new age is from the dark occult, and I don't want to go to something like that if possible to avoid a dark occultist.

[newbie-neo-maybe-welll-confused]

My gf wanted to know if there was a reverse all spell? A general reversing spell to undue any magic that was done to begin with?

With my o.c.d. if I don't turn on and off the lights a certain amount of times, then I get a bad feeling until I do a certain task, (like with lights) to resolve.

But this is different. With this I don't have anything I can do to feel better, there are no lights to turn on or off to resolve this feeling. This is different feeling, its a sad dark feeling and a voice that I can't hear but can feel, a whisper scratchy voice feeling sort of like an evil salesman who won't go away who keeps asking me mentally what I want in return, and I keep saying I want my soul back, and nothing in return for it other than it itself.

I don't like this. I live in western washington, snohomish county, lynnwood, if anyone truly knows of anyone local, please give me the best non dark occult like if possible, I thank everyone and anyone.

[Nahemah]

Again I can only imagine how crazy this all must sound, I am sorry to use the forum in this manner, I am sure this forum can be better used for people happinesses in posting instead of worrying about a complete stranger who is a new poster. But I am so sad, and desperate, I am at a point of begging.

It's fine.

This is another symptom, I used to apologise just for existing and being 'a pain' all the time.

If it was as easy as just telling you it's ok, things would be brilliant. But, it's not, you are very panicky atm and you need to find a way to come down from that.

I'm sorry to hear you are getting the medical run around, that's difficult to deal with whatever your medical needs are.

I find breathing techniques helpful, when I get panicky and I still do on occasion, focusing on this also helps divert me from the overthinking going on.

I have intrusive thoughts and suicidal thoughts, that's a lot of fun too.

I know you are fixated on magickal help and that in itself can be symptomatic, we look for the 'cure' and can fix on one thing because it gives us hope.

Reiki might help, it can't 'fix you' but it could go along way to getting you calm enough to think and see straight, so you can at least rest.

Are you sleeping well?

I can get exhausted and over tired if I don't stay mindful.

[RoseRed]

I wish I could throw up the piece and then burn it. I wish I never swallowed anything. Too late.

that is the worst part about time, by the time you learn your lesson, its too late to do anything about it, the damage is already done.

And that is one of the most important lessons to learn on these Paths.

You don't have to throw up the piece. You already shit it out.

Stop focusing on the problem and look to the solution.

simple magic can fix it.

Go eat another eyeball. By the time you shit it out the first spell will be ended by natural physical process. This is about as 'sympathetic magic' as it gets. Say a cute little rhyme about the spell ending. You'll be fine.

[cumquake]

You need to stabalize your mental illness try chanting aum 108 times a day with a mala bead necklace or aum pri thi vi dha tu bum eh deva ya the elemental earth mantra you could try the invoking earth ritual which is the banishing ritual but with an invoking earth pentagram. Take brain herbs make tea with the capsule or whole herb and I encourage you to go to an acupuncturist say you have mental illness or you want to heal your brain and they will do it!

[newbie-neo-maybe-welll-confused]

Thank you everyone for all your kind words and for your understanding in this embarrassing and painful matter. I wish someone could relate to what I am going through. I feel a little better than when I started coming to this forum. Thank you all so much. I was wondering. (and forgive me please in advance if what I am about to say sounds in any way silly.
But is there anything I can do to test the situation? Like can I conduct some sort of a ritual to see if I even still have a soul, and to see what state it is in? To see who owns it? These all may seem like weird questions to ask, but I feel even weirder over all if I did not ask them because they are on my mind constantly.

Is there something I can do to say thank you? I do not have any money, and I feel overwhelmingly guilty for all the time and energy given by everyone for my problems.

[Rin]

Thank you everyone for all your kind words and for your understanding in this embarrassing and painful matter. I wish someone could relate to what I am going through. I feel a little better than when I started coming to this forum. Thank you all so much. I was wondering. (and forgive me please in advance if what I am about to say sounds in any way silly.
But is there anything I can do to test the situation? Like can I conduct some sort of a ritual to see if I even still have a soul, and to see what state it is in? To see who owns it? These all may seem like weird questions to ask, but I feel even weirder over all if I did not ask them because they are on my mind constantly.

Is there something I can do to say thank you? I do not have any money, and I feel overwhelmingly guilty for all the time and energy given by everyone for my problems.

You don't "have a soul," you are a soul You can't stop possessing it any more than you can stop possessing your physical body, because it isn't a possession, it's the means through which you manifest yourself on a certain level of reality.

It sounds like you suffer from a high degree of anxiety, with the OCD as a manifestation of that. Sadly this isn't something you can magic away Personally, I doubt your ritual with the swallowing of the paper had any effect beyond the psychosomatic, but I would recommend you don't dabble with further magic until you've managed to stabilize yourself psychologically.

I suggest you keep seeking medical attention (as frustrating as I know that can be), IMO this kind of problem is best addressed by intensive talk therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy. If you're intent on less conventional treatment, then certain basic meditation/breathing/mindfulness exercises (and I mean basic, going too deep when your mental health is unstable can cause further and more serious problems) have been demonstrated to help with these kind of problems, I'm sure if you live in an even half decent sized town there's a local meditation center which you can seek advice from. There are also psychological modalities which combine mindfulness with cognitive behavioral therapy, which sounds like something you would find beneficial.

Good luck! And there's absolutely no need to feel guilty, helping people is what this forum is for and we'd all be bored shitless having the same debates over and over if people didn't come here asking for advice :p