OccultForum.org

Oh that...actually that comes from my mother not believing me when I was younger. She made me feel crazy this one night when I had spirits in my room. I used to have some things happen to me when I was a kid before I learned how to fight it myself. Like a few times I had things I couldn't see follow me to school but never enter the school. I didn't understand what I had happening wasn't normal and my mother being the Christian she was at the time didn't understand and convinced me acting normal was better because I was too weird. At one point I was sent to a therapist who found nothing wrong with me not that I talked to her. I honestly thought there was nothing wrong with me. My teachers in elementary school thought I had attention deficit disorder and wanted me on pills but my mother refused. Everyone thought I was just a creative child and eventually I just drifted into the background and started taking care of myself. It was around 12 when I discovered witchcraft and started using some of the things I found on top of the things I already knew on my own. Growing up wasn't very easy because things that scared me I had no help with. My mother pushing me to act normal didn't help at all. Being an empath at that age without any control or understanding it was easy for others emotions to change my attitude in seconds. People noticed this and would always bring it up with my mother thinking I needed pills to calm me down. My mother just kinda treated me like her weird kid and eventually I started suppressing everything. With research I found I had lots of things in common with those star children and indigos. I realized I wasn't alone but I still felt like I wasn't one of those I was something else something a bit more intense. Didn't make me feel special just made me for once feel like I wasn't a freak or making things up. It got so bad that I wouldn't show when I was upset because I was afraid no one would believe me. I'm still written off with ease when I'm upset and my mother is now a spiritual worker. She doesn't believe me when I try to ask for help with empathy but she's so proud my sisters empathic. Often I think my mother still doesn't believe me because she's so used to not believing me.

It's was rather lonely till I met my soon to be husband. With him I'm am The most happy I have every been in my life and I'm seeking more control and help for my "issues". I never had anyone serious before him because I didn't think I could truly be myself around anyone. Learned real young no one wants to believe your any different from them.

I remember the first time I asked for help from this really nice coven leader I met. I cried so hard and it was the first time I truly showed how I felt to anyone. Long before my favorite guy showed up. She gave me information on empaths and she believed me. She wasn't an empath herself but she enjoyed looking them up and knew what I need to read. She was the only other person in my life I felt I could talk too but I didn't live near her and eventually lost contact because I was a kid. My parents hated witchcraft but I was a natural at it and I knew things before I found it. The more I knew proved to be true the deeper I went. Now my mother is a praticianer who allows spirits to jump in her body like it's perfectly fine without even so much as a how do ya do. I can't follow her path because it has too many holes for me. It I follow a god it would be Satan and if I follow a goddess it would be earth but right now I need to follow me and figure myself out spiritually before I follow anyone else anywhere. i tend to find religious following so far lacking by way of self love and reliance. They can't teach that and I don't want to get addicted to following someone else who will tell me what I feel.

You're not alone. The childhood experiences you describe are very common for witches and other practitioners—including being labeled weird or odd, ostracized, and being treated and medicated against their will without an official diagnosis (since nobody knows exactly what's wrong, but the child is "different" so something must be wrong). I experienced it myself, have heard similar stories from others, and even had a few young students who were desperate to tell somebody about their visions and experiences without being judged, feared or disbelieved. It was immensely healing for me as an adult was when my father said, "the things you told us as a child? I believe you. We always believed you. We just tried to push it away because it was outside our understanding and we didn't know how to handle it." Sometimes you just need a little validation to keep going.

Most people avoid the occult path, some are drawn to it, and a few are born on it and spend the rest of their life trying to discover its joys while making peace with its loneliness. Don't stress, you're on the right track.

Thank you.

I'm confused. I just read through this again and I do believe, you are the most powerful natural witch we've ever come across here. You're very well read, use all the popular buzz words correctly while claiming total ignorance.

Shin, you aren't qualified to declare whether D is sane or not. None of us are.

I'm usually pretty good with discussing topics at face value (whether I actually believe the poster or not is a separate thing). But this has so many contradictions I just can't. I'll be excusing myself at this point.

I don't mean to confuse I honestly don't do much research at all. Lots of things I know I just naturally know and some things I know from random searches. I'm not acting ignorant I honestly thought I was ignorant. I know the popular words for things from talking to other people and trying to find other groups. i take what your saying as a compliment and I could say it even helped my confidence to know I at least know something. I was a bit hesitant to post in the beginning because I didn't want to be laughed out for being wrong or crazy. I don't think of myself as powerful I honestly thought I would see people here who do the same things.

I don't trust websites and I tend to not trust books either. I have also quoted things from philosophers in the past without even knowing I did so. I think this may be because of past lives or because of the schools I used to dream of when I slept. I used to dream of a world that never changed and what I mean by that is its like coming home after leaving for school. A few things changed in the people and maybe a table but mostly it's the same. I joined a dream group and they described it as a either another world or I'm really good at controlling my dreams. I have spirit guards I'm aware of as well and I believe about five of them. One of them I call shadow and I used to think he was my father and the only female was my mother. I could talk to them easier as a kid. I had a vision that shadow was my brother in the world we came from and the other four followed us around. I knew it was a vision because it looked just like the visions of the future I used to have. Kinda fuzzy and blurry at the same time but stopped once I realized what was happening. I used to call them my markers before I called them visions. I called them markers because once it happened I new I was on the right path. I barely have them anymore but I know I still can its just suppressed which is why I'm here.

Before I knew about magic I simply called it energy manipulation. I only started calling it magic after seeing witches on TV and getting curious. Again before I looked it up I didn't know withchcraft was even a subject. I can adapt so I can properly communicate what I mean to other but it makes me more nervous when explaining things.

I don't sit down and consider the use of energy manipulation but if someone ask me the uses I can break it down to them so they can understand. I tend to know what they are going to ask so I can answer the questions before but I don't always know all questions. my mind works on at least seven levels of thought which I know sounds crazy but because of this I can think in a way that helps me predict things and calculate as I like to call it. I don't know if there are any spiritual words for it. I believe the silent level taps into something that lets me better know things. I also believe this has something to do with my chakras and the levels of the aura. If I can get past my tendency to suppress myself from a childhood of trying to be my mothers definition of normal I can go much further.

I once had a dream where I walked this long rode and stopped by my family home on the way. The area was very different and random so I knew it was a dream but it had a meaning I didn't understand till satanism. Eventually I left the house feeling love for my family but not connected to them. I walked for miles more down the same white road till I came to a bridge. This bridge was made of beautiful silvery blue stones and further up it crumbled into the river keeping me from the other side. On the other side was this beautiful golden light shinning like the sun and I wanted to go over there so badly. However I knew it wasn't time for that level and I want to get over there because I just need to. Then I woke up and was obviously confused. It wasn't till satanism where I found out about something called God head. I did some research on it but lost interest because some of the information didn't feel completely right. I have doubts it's God head but I know it's something lovely and feels delightful. If I stop suppressing myself, which goes deeper then thought its emotional trauma in a way, I can get there.

I know I'm close because I did a meditation not too many years ago where i felt really calm and vibrating slightly. When I opened my eyes i realized I could see the static around me focusing in on me like rings of pure gold. Starting from the bottom of me and working its way to the top of me. It was amazing and felt amazing and last for minutes but it felt like hrs. It even had a slight vibrating sound to it. Just imagin being inside of moving rings of gold that just felt so good.

After that I did something that scared the hell out of me. I was laying in bed chatting on my iPhone with my ex when I lost complete control of my body. I couldn't move at all and part of me panicked. I saw my surroundings completely change to what looked like a different time period. I was tangled in some kinda wire from an old phone and I could see what looked like a mans foot vanish up the steps like he wasn't aware of me. I had my iPhone in my hand because it came with me and I could still see my ex texting me and talking like nothing at all was wrong on his end. Obviously I was confused out of my mind and decided to look around. I was too terrified to move so my body was still frozen. There was a livingroom and a visible kitchen from the little I could see behind me. There was the old phone with the little wheel on it you spin when dialing a number. Old looking cars of many different types that looked black from the darkness. Old street laps that didn't light up much but enough to make cars visible at least compared to what we have today. The furniture was even an old style you wouldn't see today. When I finanlly began to truly panic realizing I wasn't in my room I began trying to move and type help on my phone. The more I panicked the more trapped I felt and I couldn't move. Once I moved even how slight it was I felt like I was falling and hit my bed in the position I was in. I didn't hurt it just felt like I hit the bed Like somehow I ended up really high. I was hyperventilating and damn near a panic attack. Eventually I calmed down and told my ex what happened.

Not long after I started leaving my body at random and these are two completely different experiences. However a few times I ended up followed and ran back to my body literally seeing myself sleeping. Didn't sleep a wink again that night and another one I find interesting I ended up shooting out of my body and floating up to the sky. Shadow, my guard I thought was my dad when I was little, caught me like he had been waiting for me and pushed me gently back into my body before vanishing. Those are just two of them as the others stayed calm experiences.

I need control and I need to get my hands on this gold energy because something about it is part of me. If yall know anything or terms I need to look up let me know.

Anyway that's what I'm going threw right now and why I seem to know a lot more then I came off knowing. I thought I was ignorant and I was honestly worried someone would say something but nothing so far.

I even posted something here about energy manipulation calling it dark and light energy. My confidence in what i posted was low and I felt so worried I didn't post correct information I deleted it. I honestly thought I was too ignorant to be posting such articles of information like I knew more then people who actually had books in hand. I feel more confident not starting such topics and just joining them. More relaxed if I'm told I'm wrong rather then having my work shot down.

Sorry about the confusion.

Im not going to be responding to this post anymore. Thank you to everyone who has helped me and I learned a good amount here and there. I'm really happy everyone was nice and responded so well but I would like this post to die into the background if possible. I'm done with it and it would have been wonderful if I could delete it to stop responses but that isn't done here now is it? Oh well. Anyway this is done for me so thanks! [yay]