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K - my phone does the same thing and so now i either text my phone threads to myself or wait till i'm on the comp.

I thought the new moon might be bringing you down, but it also might have been what you needed. I don't know if I have much more to offer in this particular thread, but I enjoyed taking part and I am continually interested. Although it may not seem like it, i'm on a crooked path myself, and I can only say hang in there and keep laughing.

I'm sure we will continue to cross paths!

-AI

fraterai wrote:K - my phone does the same thing and so now i either text my phone threads to myself or wait till i'm on the comp.

I thought the new moon might be bringing you down, but it also might have been what you needed. I don't know if I have much more to offer in this particular thread, but I enjoyed taking part and I am continually interested. Although it may not seem like it, i'm on a crooked path myself, and I can only say hang in there and keep laughing.

I'm sure we will continue to cross paths!

-AI

Thank you for your work. ~

I agree! - We will continually cross paths.

This was a while back. ~

...

I think I might be an empath.

One time while me and my irish cousin were high on weed,
We were hooking up some red xmas lights in our living room,
And he asked me to hammer in some nails while he held the lights,
And something weird happened...
As I got closer to his chest *while trying to get close enough to the ceiling to add the nails* - the sadder I felt,
Once I was real close,
Tears came out of my eyes.

I never felt such a powerful sadness.

So after the tears came a streamin' down,
I said to him: "YOU HAVE A DEEP SADNESS WITHIN YOU!"...

And then he replied with: "NO!-You HAVE DeeP SaDNeSS WiTHiN YOU!"...
And he also had tears coming out of his eyes,
While looking at me all strange...

Do y'all think I am an empath?
Or that my cousin is correct and that I have a very deep sadness within me?

Kurokami I think you need someone who is willing to listen to you. Maybe you need psychotherapy, maybe you need to write in a journal. I doubt destroying your soul will help though.

chowderpope wrote:Kurokami I think you need someone who is willing to listen to you. Maybe you need psychotherapy, maybe you need to write in a journal. I doubt destroying your soul will help though.

I can't figure out what your intention is.

I already stated that I reject such recommendations,
And that nothing like that works for me - Because I find it to be corny and a waste of time.

I don't need psycho-nothing.

I came to an occult forum for occult answers.

And what exactly would I talk about with them?

Occult related experiences?

Hell no.

That's a one way trip to the looney bin.

If I wasn't numb right now,
I'd probably find your suggestion offensive.

But I can't tell.

...

Let's get back on topic,
You're wrong,
Not having a Soul would very much help.

I think someone already worked on me,
But I'm going to have to wait another week and see if I no longer see a sun within the universe of my mind.

Also,
What are the signs of being an empath?

...

Edit:
I was wrong,
Just allowed myself to feel,
I didn't feel offended.

That's a miracle. ~

Thank you for caring,
But I honestly do believe that not being able to feel is helpful - to me.

Anyways going back to being numb,
Please tell me if I act rude...

I'm trying to learn how to not appear soulless...

chowderpope wrote:Kurokami I think you need someone who is willing to listen to you. Maybe you need psychotherapy, maybe you need to write in a journal. I doubt destroying your soul will help though.

Hey I am willing! And most of K's posts are quite journally. This guy is making honest efforts to work out his life, and I know I am only seeing a piece of it through his posts.

I think the empathy is a two way street, I once knew a girl who I could not be in the same room with, my entire body would buzz like I was on a massage chair, I would sweat, be hot and cold at the same time, etc, the only thing similar i have ever felt was in certain Evocations. She was very, very unstable, was a hippie-free spirit with hardcore Jahova Witness parents, and I think she was a natural psychic who had no grounding or a safe environment to explore those ideas.

So, I think that you are an empath, and that all humans are empath, and that the right combination of people and place and whatever factors make it easier/harder to feel. But I kid you not I knew when she walked in the door, for a fact, in fact I knew when she pulled in the parkinglot. And these weren't "my" psychic abilities as I am definitely not this good with everyone else, she was just a tornado.

Omg I'm so slow sometimes! lol

You're right - you are absolutely right - everyone IS an empath!

Some more sensitive than others. ~

...

I woke up just now and I still cannot feel.
Which is awesome!

I remain numb and in control!

Also I think I need to share what happened ever since I made this thread...

I could barely remember my dreams,
And today I cannot remember the dream I probably had.

That must mean I am almost dead inside! Yay!

...

The reason I know that not remembering my dreams is a symptom of witch influence - is because my auntie deals with a witch who is jealous of her.

This evil mexican witch wasted her whole life trying to harm my auntie but couldn't so the witch instead is attacking her family.

Ever since my auntie worked with her,
My tia says that she cannot remember her dreams.

So that's how I know a witch is working on me or worked.

...

Here is how strangely my body has been behaving since this thread:

I no longer crave food like a hungry beast,
I don't feel hungry neither.

I can stay up for as long as I want without feeling tired,
But CAN go to sleep if I so desire.

Furthermore...
My stomach growls after I was done eating half into the week after I posted this thread,
And I go to the bathroom much quicker than a normal person after eating.

Remember that the stomach gives energy to the soul/sol/sun within the universe of your mind,
So it makes sense to me why my body is getting rid of the food faster than usual.

Nothing is wrong with my stomach,
I'm healthy,
Don't y'all worry. ~

...

And - for the first time I look attractive when I look at myself into the mirror.

I know I said I cannot feel - but I still feel attracted to women - more so than ever!
With a soul - I get shy around women...

Maybe there's a difference between biological feelings and spiritual feelings.

...

I also keep losing weight!

...

No.
I didn't come to this forum to fix any weight problems or self esteem problems,
So please - no one go there,
I'm just merely stating the effects I have been experiencing.

Thanks to all the witches that helped and are continually working on me.

Is there such a thing as an original idea?

I know I have posted one of this guy's video regarding this subject before,
But I just saw this video of his and he's spot on!

The universe within your mind:

I can't believe there is another person who thinks like me.

I agree with everything he says.

He is much more detailed than I am,
But none the less we talk about the same thing.

I watched the whole thing and I finally found what I am looking for!

Destroying the organ/gland responsible for my emotions!

He mentioned that the amygdala is the seat of our emotions!

I googled it and he is correct!

The amygdala is responsible for allowing only two major emotions: Love (&) Fear.

...

Gregg Braden - Declares that when we apply one of our two emotions to a thought - it becomes a belief or feeling - thus resulting in a spectrum of feelings.

So...
I previously talked about how I wanted a witch to destroy my soul. <--- Which is the Sun within the universe of my mind.

I know some people believe that we cannot destroy our soul,
But they're wrong,
We CAN - It is just that it won't stay destroyed for long.

It can be fixed or replaced with a brand new one,
Easily,
By getting some sunlight/soul-light - via God's soul/sun - Via the one beyond our sky. And eating food.

That's how the soul is immortal - by being recreated.

...

But now that I know my amygdala is the reason why I can feel fear/anxiety,
I want to destroy it!

...

No - I won't turn into a serial-killer...

I have my memories to guide me. c:

...

Now I get why people called the Sun: "Jesus".

God's Son/God's Sun - A.K.A. - His SOUL/SOL.

It is occult knowledge!

...

Any witches that are still working on me,
You can stop now,
It's pointless,
Because eventually I will have to eat or get sunlight - thus - regenerating my soul/sun within the universe of my mind. ~

...

Studies have shown that serial-killers have a smaller amygdala than normal people - by (75%).
|
Link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/th ... ts-anxiety

I agree because when I was a little kid - I couldn't feel guilt until I was at certain age.

For example - when I was little I used to throw rocks at birds and cats while laughing hard.

Why?

Because my amygdala wasn't mature yet or fully grown - it was very tiny.

But when I reached the age around (7) or (8) - I tried throwing a rock at a cat and it struck its head and bled a little bit...
But I couldn't laugh...
Instead...
Out of nowhere I started crying...
Hard.
Because I could see the cat struggling...

I regretted doing that.

I hated myself for that and I still do!

Also... when I was a toddler I hated the sound of piglets squealing...
Every time I heard a piglet squeal - I wanted to squish it with a brick...

...

So y'all see?

It's all about the amygdala!

And I NEED mine gone...

I'm tired of being sad and broken hearted.

I'm tired of experiencing fear/anxeity.

I can't function in life with an amygdala.

I know better now,
Without one I'm sure I will be fine.
I swear. ~

...

Anyways,
Give this guy a shot,
If you have time and are interested - watch this video:

Holographic Universe Of Your Mind (Enhanced Voice-over) - Ahmed Hulusi

Hey K!

Have thought a lot about originality from an artist/musician standpoint as well as though my engineering experiences and I do not think there are any original ideas out there, (I also don't even know where ideas originate from!). What I think is unique is our execution or composition of such things, and that is what humans are really good at when they are creative. The mental type realms are something we all share where as the physical is where we can make distinctions or actually execute an idea in some original way, that way being all of the surrounding circumstances. One can usually never ever reproduce the exact exact situation that brought about the outcome

And to chime in on your points about people concerns over you losing touch with your emotions: if morality was really the main reason people didn't commit crimes then we wouldn't need laws, (or in the very least we would not be so reliant on it and our world would not be surrounded by it). Fear of being in jail and being socially accepted (almost same thing) is really what keeps us in check

fraterai wrote:Hey K!

Have thought a lot about originality from an artist/musician standpoint as well as though my engineering experiences and I do not think there are any original ideas out there, (I also don't even know where ideas originate from!). What I think is unique is our execution or composition of such things, and that is what humans are really good at when they are creative. The mental type realms are something we all share where as the physical is where we can make distinctions or actually execute an idea in some original way, that way being all of the surrounding circumstances. One can usually never ever reproduce the exact exact situation that brought about the outcome

And to chime in on your points about people concerns over you losing touch with your emotions: if morality was really the main reason people didn't commit crimes then we wouldn't need laws, (or in the very least we would not be so reliant on it and our world would not be surrounded by it). Fear of being in jail and being socially accepted (almost same thing) is really what keeps us in check

Hm... You're absolutely right!
Think about it - the language you know was not created by you or me.

Same for ideas I guess... (._.)

...

Yeah true,
But life would be awesome if I could make my amygdala smaller than it is now. (>_>)

...

For now - I am going to enjoy not having a soul,
Until I need to eat and get soullight. ~

Then once my soul is inevitably recreated,
I will have to put up with how my inner life forms feel despite my being numb.

I will go ask a doctor if they have a drug that will decrease the size of my amygdala,
Or ask them how much it would cost to have it surgically removed,
If that's even possible...
If not... Then it goes back to needing to find a drug that effects it in a negative way - such as decreasing its size or rendering it useless. ~

I hope I get a good answer instead of all that stupid doctor crap trying to force what they think I need - on me,
When I know exactly what I need instead of wasting my years on b.s.

My old doc that I used to go to check if I was physically healthy,
Said: "You are the best doctor for yourself.",
I couldn't agree more.

He was awesome,
Very enlightened and open minded.

Okay so I couldn't find any positive drugs that could attack and shrink my amygdala.

The only reported drugs that I could find that attacked and shrinked the amygdala is:
1.) Cocaine
2.) Alcohol

Obviously... I won't go down that road.
I'm not gonna try cocaine just to attack and shrink my amygdala.

Not even with alcohol,
But every now and then I'll drink a whole bottle of vodka in a few days.

******

Anyways,
Here is my research on what happens to my amygdala if I do the following:

1.) Stop having sex. [Forever]
2.) Stop eating.
3.) Stop getting sunlight, Or... Try not being exposed to it for more than 9 minutes.

******

A.) "Patients who reported a postoperative sexual increase had a significantly larger amygdalar volume contralateral to the site of their resective surgery than patients with a sexual decrease or no change than control subjects."
|
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/14705116

...

In other words:
Not having sex - from this point on til' death = A smaller amygdala.

B.) "The human body needs food and water to survive. A human can go for more than three weeks without food (Mahatma Gandhi survived 21 days of complete starvation), but water is a different story. At least 60% of the adult body is made of it and every living cell in the body needs it to keep functioning."
|
http://www.businessinsider.com/how-many ... ter-2014-5

...

In other words:
If you stop eating - your amygdala won't be able to work at full capacity.

C.) "Vitamin D receptors are found prominently in amygdala regions where behavior and emotions are regulated in the limbic system, and we believe that vitamin D can exert neuroprotective effects as well. Several other authors have shown a link between vitamin D levels and depression."
|
http://www.psychcongress.com/blogs/jon- ... depression

...

In other words:
No sunlight = Not enough energy for the amygdala to function properly.

...

The reason I said - "Or... Try not being exposed to it for more than 9 minutes.",
Is because according to this:
"When the sun's UV-B rays hit the skin, a reaction takes place that enables skin cells to manufacture vitamin D. If you're fair skinned, experts say going outside for 10 minutes in the midday sun—in shorts and a tank top with no sunscreen—will give you enough radiation to produce about 10,000 international units of the vitamin."
|
http://health.usnews.com/health-news/fa ... -vitamin-d

******

The only time I will eat - Is when I need to in order to survive,
And I will be choosing foods that help muscle growth so that I can be fit when I work out.

Preferably foods that don't have much fat in them.

I will go with one week of not eating instead of two or three weeks,
That seems to be the safest.

Also...

Don't worry,
I know my body will go into starvation mode,
And that - "supposedly" - My body holds onto any fat more than it ever did,
Thus making me fat if I eat again because my body will not want to let go of the fat do to - "Shock",
But not EVERYBODY is the same. ~

Amygdalar damage may cause you to be unable to recognise fear in others, or it may inhibit your own fear responses and social cues, however, it will not remove the ability to feel emotions or lose you your 'soul'.

My son is epileptic [ non temporal lobe/ head injury] and he contracted viral encephalitis, leading to encephalopathy, with long term after effects on his personality. He still has a soul, though, but he also has changed emotional reactions and responses, along with a muscle tremor problem that needs medicated for the rest of his life.
His memory is shot to shit too, but not in a 'clean' or orderly manner, it is something that is distressing for him and for those around him. My son is well, cognitively, most of the time, so it's not all doom and gloom, but I'm pretty sure he'd swap places with you anytime, just to feel 'normally' again.

You could be about to cause yourself a whole lot more pain and discomfort, rather than losing emotional capacity, so do you have willing potential carers, if this all goes wrong for you and you end up physically as well as mentally impaired?

Sorry to be so blunt, but I think you need a lot more research and information on this.

Nahemah wrote:Amygdalar damage may cause you to be unable to recognise fear in others, or it may inhibit your own fear responses and social cues, however, it will not remove the ability to feel emotions or lose you your 'soul'.

My son is epileptic [ non temporal lobe/ head injury] and he contracted viral encephalitis, leading to encephalopathy, with long term after effects on his personality. He still has a soul, though, but he also has changed emotional reactions and responses, along with a muscle tremor problem that needs medicated for the rest of his life.
His memory is shot to shit too, but not in a 'clean' or orderly manner, it is something that is distressing for him and for those around him. My son is well, cognitively, most of the time, so it's not all doom and gloom, but I'm pretty sure he'd swap places with you anytime, just to feel 'normally' again.

You could be about to cause yourself a whole lot more pain and discomfort, rather than losing emotional capacity, so do you have willing potential carers, if this all goes wrong for you and you end up physically as well as mentally impaired?

Sorry to be so blunt, but I think you need a lot more research and information on this.

I don't mean to come off as patronizing...
But I am so sorry...

If this is okay? ---> *hugs you*

...

You didn't come off as blunt to me.

I appreciate your advice and I will take it!
I will do more research. ~

...

And don't worry...
I can live with pain.

Before my mom died of breast cancer that had spread to her stomach and lungs - I tried committing suicide the same night she died.

I took around 12-13 pink allergy pills.
Forgot what the exact m.g. were, it's been (6) years since...
Think they were (30) or (25) or something like that.

I was afraid that her paradigm of being a Christian was silly!
I didn't want her to be trapped in darkness or nothingness...
I have had enough experiences to where I was stuck in a place that felt like sheol,
And I always managed being able to break free - knowing I was still there somehow,
So... I wanted to guide her into the light,
But I woke up the next morning...

Anyways - what I am trying to say is I can live with pain,
One time *and I never did this again* I took (4) pills of remeron that were (45) m.g. each which is (180) m.g.
I wanted to see what would happen since my doctor said no one could o.d. from taking too much.

I was on what my doc thought I needed,
I told my doc that I didn't anti depressants...
What I need is sleeping pills to help me sleep at night because I think too much.
I refuse to be their test subject.

Anywhooo.

*I was a idjit for experimenting on myself like that - I know.*

So I took them and a few minutes later - I felt like I was dying,
It was painful and scary.

My muscles were not reacting to my "will" as much as I wanted them to.

And my aunt was in the vicinity clueless as to what I have done.

I didn't want to tell her what was going on because I was afraid of how she would react.

I didn't want to hurt her emotionally.

So I went upstairs quietly,
And flushed most of it out of my system with my ability to release adrenaline at "will".

I don't think it's adrenaline because I was doing that "feeling" for 30 seconds max,
I couldn't hold it for any higher than that duration,
I did that thirty seconds and pauses for (5) minutes.

It kept me awake right as I was about to blackout each and every time I stopped releasing whatever chemical in my body that resembles the sensation of adrenaline.

And by the fith minute I was fine.

*Then I had a temporary synesthesia ability that only lasted for several several minutes - sound to color synesthesia.*

So - if I ever feel like I am hurting others with a mental or physical problem that I caused myself,
I would -

...

Let's just say I don't plan on getting old. ~

...

You think it will actually damage my amygala to where I can't feel fear?
That's all I want gone...
Just that feeling. ~

I can deal with any other emotion if I know I couldn't feel fear.

...

To help you smile,
You terrified me into eating. >.>

Making potatoes as we speak. >.<

You've been through so much emotional pain, I understand wanting to remove it altogether.

There have been times I wanted to do the same, it can be very hard to be human at times, for some of us. I am worried about you and concerned about the possibilities of something going wrong and you ending up with more pain instead of less. I mean emotional pain here and I understand about the physical as I too can cope with that and experience it regularly.

I am glad you had some food. Thanks for the hugs too, that's very sweet of you and I am pleased you are also concerned for me. This is the good side of emotion, when people connect and care, it's worth saving my friend.

I wish I could take your pain and suffering all away from you, but it''s a necessary part of us and though it doesn't seem that way to you right now, time passes and this will pass too. You can be happy again.

I am very sorry to read about your mum, cancer is horrific and it always take a huge toll on family and carers as well as the sick person. My daughter survived it, but it was caught early and hadn't spread yet. Honestly, I was shitting myself at that, when she was diagnosed, a young mother in her prime of life and my three wee grandkids who could be left without their mum. Add that to my son's interesting problems and I felt a bit swamped at the time. Supporting my family is who I am and what I do, but at times I just wanted to crawl into a hole and not come out ever again. We were lucky and I am grateful for that, but the emotional toll was high and there have been other issues that meant it all got a bit much. Things have improved greatly for us since then, but I am always watching and wary, ready to go into full on protection mode at any time nowadays. Lol, but seriously.

Please keep talking.

I will be keeping you in my thoughts and hoping things change for you, that you can feel some good things and have some true happiness in your life.

It's alright to be hurt, to feel wounded, it's not great to have to go through it but it shapes us as people and helps us to empathise with others.

You've been through so much emotional pain, I understand wanting to remove it altogether.

I shut it out most of the time.
I try not to cry when I think of her,
She wouldn't want that,
She was a very sweet person. ~.

I just - can't deal with trollish people in real life. lol

There have been times I wanted to do the same, it can be very hard to be human at times, for some of us. I am worried about you and concerned about the possibilities of something going wrong and you ending up with more pain instead of less. I mean emotional pain here and I understand about the physical as I too can cope with that and experience it regularly.

Don't worry...
I feel that deep down inside I love myself,
But I just can't senses it.

The last time I got drunk,
I went into my closet - laid on the floor and was listening to "ace - I wanna die"...
I blacked out - and then when I woke up - I was on my bed and I felt at peace for just a little while.

When I get drunk I tend to not remember things right before I black out.

I'm very nice to myself when I am drunk,
Sometimes it feels like it's not even me and that something else is watching over me,
Making sure I don't get hurt.

I have had plenty of times where right before I wake up from a deep sleep that something takes over my body for 3 seconds making sure that my environment is safe.

When I pass out something else takes over my body until I regain consciousness.

Weird stuff.

...

I don't know how you do it,
How you remain so strong...

Usually...
Those who take care of others have the biggest hearts,
And that sounds like you. ~

Thanks for the hugs too, that's very sweet of you and I am pleased you are also concerned for me. This is the good side of emotion, when people connect and care, it's worth saving my friend.

C: - Anytime!

What you wrote was touching - and I am concerned,
No one should have to go what you're going through. ~

I wish I could take your pain and suffering all away from you, but it''s a necessary part of us and though it doesn't seem that way to you right now, time passes and this will pass too. You can be happy again.

As do I. ~

You see...
I don't fear people,
In general,
What I fear - is - the indifference of good people. ~

If someone I love or care about gets assaulted,
I tend to want to destroy the enemy,
But nooo - the person I care about doesn't want me defending their honor with "violence" - thus resulting in me getting screwed over by the enemy.

I fear the law because I was brainwashed to.

If I wasn't I'd be a vigilante by now.

I am not scared of Thugs,
Gangsters,
Pimps,
Drug traffickers,
Human Traffickers,
Terrorists,
E.T.C.

I have no problem taking them off of this earth.

It's just that my family brainwashes me into being kind and subservient.

And that's what I am trying to destroy - my fear.

I don't want to conquer my fear by embarrassing my self through life,
I would rather take a shortcut. :/

I am very sorry to read about your mum, cancer is horrific and it always take a huge toll on family and carers as well as the sick person. My daughter survived it, but it was caught early and hadn't spread yet. Honestly, I was shitting myself at that, when she was diagnosed, a young mother in her prime of life and my three wee grandkids who could be left without their mum. Add that to my son's interesting problems and I felt a bit swamped at the time. Supporting my family is who I am and what I do, but at times I just wanted to crawl into a hole and not come out ever again. We were lucky and I am grateful for that, but the emotional toll was high and there have been other issues that meant it all got a bit much. Things have improved greatly for us since then, but I am always watching and wary, ready to go into full on protection mode at any time nowadays. Lol, but seriously.

I'm glad everything worked out for you. <3

And you're right - it does take a huge toll...
So much that I can't believe I exist without her...

She could have caught it early,
But our old church brainwashed her into praying and choosing the hollistic side.

I would be all for it - only if it was too late.

She could have beaten it - but didn't - because of those retarded arse women in that church.

One of them was all like: "I don't believe in science!, Nyark Nyark Nyark!"...

She didn't say nyark nyark nyark - but she might as well have!

I wanted to smack her in the face with a broom stick.

But I kept my cool.

Plus... I don't believe in hitting women - unless they're trying to kill me. lol

Anyways,
Thank you for caring. ~

I will be keeping you in my thoughts and hoping things change for you, that you can feel some good things and have some true happiness in your life.

I will too. ~
I do feel something good is coming,
I just don't know what it is yet. (n.n)

Remember,
Banish all bad feelings with laughter!

I find russel peters and gabriel iglesias to be a good source of comedic medicine.

It's alright to be hurt, to feel wounded, it's not great to have to go through it but it shapes us as people and helps us to empathise with others.

You're right - it helps humble us,
It helps us to be able to relate and help others,
It is what purifies us. ~

...

I hope you smile today. ~