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Original post: bellenigma

Yeah so I know that there's another thread with someone asking why they can't do magick anymore, but the difference with me is that I know why I don't have my abilities anymore. Or I do, they're just dormant.

So I'll just go through the series of events...

Okay typical empathic child since I can remember. Also very drawn to the occult. Found myself practicing Wicca in middle school at which point I started to seriously develop my abilities. I was an out of control empath, could feel everything from people, to rooms, to objects... and I couldn't control any of these sensations although I tried. I discovered I could heal minor pain such as headaches and influence emotions. For example, if someone was nervous before going on stage I could calm their nerves quite easily. I could also create the illusion of pain. With my empathy, I somewhat developed telepathy. I could sense what people were thinking. Like their was a specific vibration for 'yes' and 'no' so when I asked questions and although people would not answer, I knew the answer already. Also as I grew more skilled I could influence people to do certain things, agree with me, give me good grades. I guess I was a "mind illusionist" of sorts. I could put certain ideas in people's heads. Which brings me to the other ability I had which is less related with empathy. I could become "invisible". Not invisible in the sense I'm transparent, but more or less unseeing. People wouldn't notice me especially if there were shadows around, I could easily cloak myself in the darkness. I went to a catholic school and I remember how if I forgot a certain required part of the outfit we had to wear to mass. If I had forgotten my tie or not worn black dress shoes, I just had to do this little cloak thing and the teachers wouldn't notice when they checked.

So now that I think I've covered most of my abilities. Let me go back to the Wicca thing. I was clueless about magick. Did whatever I felt natural. Didn't take precautions or anything. I was very ignorant of the fact that astral entities might be harmful and that my abilities might attract those entities. So I started seeing things, I grew paranoid, I felt weak and sick often. Until finally I had enough and I wished it all away. Told the entities to leave me alone. Vowed to stop practicing witchcraft. Now at the time I didn't think this would have actually worked. For a long time I still was empathic, but slowly as years went by my abilities seemed to fade. I certainly haven't seen spirits in a very long time. And just a few months ago I realized that I couldn't feel people anymore. I couldn't sense things. I mean I get things wrong all the time now... on tests, how my friends are feeling... I feel deaf and blind and it's seriously getting on my nerves.

So what do I do now? Obviously, I got to start practicing again. Lots of meditation I suspect. Problem, is I'm a very lazy person. These abilities came to me naturally and quickly as a child. Not much effort was ever needed back then. Ugh...why was I so stupid to cripple myself?

Original post: Gordon Dinn

Ask whatever god you believe in to send you a message in a dream that you'll be able to remember, which should show you the most pressing matter concerning your depowerment.

Original post: bellenigma

[QUOTE=Gordon Dinn;372650]Ask whatever god you believe in to send you a message in a dream that you'll be able to remember, which should show you the most pressing matter concerning your depowerment.[/QUOTE]

I don't worship any god, so I don't think that will work. lol

Nah... I think I'll try the meditation thing. I just kind of wish someone had like a shortcut I could take or something.

Original post: destructive_metaphysician

[QUOTE=bellenigma;372674]I don't worship any god, so I don't think that will work. lol

Nah... I think I'll try the meditation thing. I just kind of wish someone had like a shortcut I could take or something.[/QUOTE]

yeah, it is strange in our world for there to be no shortcuts...but damn it, this is what makes it fulfilling!

imagine the first time you start to be able to control your abilities again; you'll be whistling dixie :whistle:!

Original post: bellenigma

[QUOTE=destructive_metaphysician;372679]yeah, it is strange in our world for there to be no shortcuts...but damn it, this is what makes it fulfilling!

imagine the first time you start to be able to control your abilities again; you'll be whistling dixie :whistle:![/QUOTE]

Fulfilling? I don't have the patience for that. I just want to be able to do what was a part of me to begin with. Why the hell would my abilities just disappear like that? It's not fair.

Original post: destructive_metaphysician

you know it's fair. you fucked up and were ignorant, a great lesson learned. no more being a fluffy bunny for you hopefully. sometimes life has to kick us in the ass to get us on the right path.

you never would have found xenognosis and some of the things that are interesting you these days if not for the loss of your abilities.

Original post: bellenigma

[QUOTE=destructive_metaphysician;372712] you know it's fair. you fucked up and were ignorant, a great lesson learned. no more being a fluffy bunny for you hopefully. sometimes life has to kick us in the ass to get us on the right path.

you never would have found xenognosis and some of the things that are interesting you these days if not for the loss of your abilities.[/QUOTE]

lol well you have a good point there.

Original post: Illuminaughty

The weights of the world fatass sits atop the realities seen and felt, breathless and gasping for air you reach out knowing there is no hand to reach for.

Original post: Solarsong

From the sounds of it you have made a subconscious choice to make them go away when they started to bother you. Subconscious choices happen all the time. They are made with strong and firm mental energy. When you wished it away, you chose for it to go away. The spirits likely helped to pull it away too. The good news for you is that it can be undone. I have gone back and forth between being paranoid that I'm just hearing things to being confident that I am hearing something. The key is to treat your talent with love and kindness and be balanced with it. When the skepticism or the fear comes, you look for a way to protect yourself such as asking a benign spirit to protect you if you fear attack. For myself, I just take a break from it and slowly approach it again when I'm calm and collect again.

Let your head be ready to make the decision first, then have your heart be ready too. When your head and heart are aligned on a decision, it happens the best. That's what happened the first time. What will likely happen is that they'll come back a little bit at a time instead of all at once. Have a spirit guide you so that you learn not to throw it away again if you wish. You will need to remember how to be safe with it and control your fears, then you'll come out stronger in the end.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Original post: bellenigma

[QUOTE=Illuminaughty;372770]The weights of the world fatass sits atop the realities seen and felt, breathless and gasping for air you reach out knowing there is no hand to reach for.[/QUOTE]

All I got out of that was fatass... lol I'm no fatass! :mad:

But I like the sentence anyways.

Original post: bellenigma

[QUOTE=Solarsong;372773]From the sounds of it you have made a subconscious choice to make them go away when they started to bother you. Subconscious choices happen all the time. They are made with strong and firm mental energy. When you wished it away, you chose for it to go away. The spirits likely helped to pull it away too. The good news for you is that it can be undone. I have gone back and forth between being paranoid that I'm just hearing things to being confident that I am hearing something. The key is to treat your talent with love and kindness and be balanced with it. When the skepticism or the fear comes, you look for a way to protect yourself such as asking a benign spirit to protect you if you fear attack. For myself, I just take a break from it and slowly approach it again when I'm calm and collect again.

Let your head be ready to make the decision first, then have your heart be ready too. When your head and heart are aligned on a decision, it happens the best. That's what happened the first time. What will likely happen is that they'll come back a little bit at a time instead of all at once. Have a spirit guide you so that you learn not to throw it away again if you wish. You will need to remember how to be safe with it and control your fears, then you'll come out stronger in the end.

Good luck and keep us posted![/QUOTE]

Well that is good news! I can't wait till it's undone. I'm not so scared or paranoid of these things now. I say that now... lol

I don't trust spirits. So a spirit guide isn't my thing. But my mentor will help me. I'm not going to throw it away this time. lol No chance.

you can.

the simplest shortcut would be a light regressive self-hypnosis meditation exercise. It's the easiest way to get in touch with "how you used to be" at a particular point in time. It can help you get in touch with a more positive outlook, or a greater inner strength, or more social aptitude, etc., it's actually a really useful exercise to use after breaking off a long term relationship. In this case you'd be trying to get back in touch with an earlier you, a you with an intuitive ease with ESP & mind-related magick.

Basically, your goal in the exercise would be to just remember who you were at another point in your life. Remember it in tremendous detail though. For example, it may be easy to remember eating a pastry if asked. But that's just remembering a bit of factual information. What if you sit and meditate on it, and spend an hour conjuring the memory of a particular pastry in extreme detail, including smells, stickiness, tastes, textures, weight, the setting, who was with you, what it felt like as your teeth sunk into it, was it chewy? soft? flaky? what was the medley of flavors which went into it? did you have a drink? how did that mix with it? what were you feeling as you ate it? etc. just rebuilding the whole experience in extreme detail. If you do that, your memory of eating the pasty will change from a sort of factual bit of trivia ("I ate a pastry that day") to a visceral experience where you essentially relive the pastry eating.

Instead of a pastry though, you'll want to remember particular events and situations where you used your abilities, where you 'felt' and 'perceived' things strongly. Do this regularly for a while, choosing as many different situations & events as you can. And pay close attention to the subtle differences between how you were, how you felt, then, vs. now.

I believe you will find a difference which is hard to describe clearly, but *feels* kinda like you're "all closed up now" like before you were a flower in bloom, opened up, interacting with the air and bees and sunlight, etc. and now you feel more like a tightly closed bud, sealed up within yourself, in your own little world. It's an analogy which I hope conveys an understanding about how both your mind and your energy body are 'postured', on a pre-conscious level.

Once you get a feel for your abilities and sensitivities again, USE them. Think of them like legs that have been crammed in the back seat of a subcompact car for the last few years. You really gotta stretch them out, do some squats, run around some, don't think of it as a chore, think of it as spreading your wings, enjoy it. Oh yeah, you really must ENJOY it... not enjoying it is why you lost your abilities/senses in the first place. Now you miss them, don't forget why you miss them, don't forget that you love that part of yourself, and you want it back.

I wouldn't expect things to change overnight. It does take practice to get all those atrophied mental & energetic muscles limber and strong again. But I don't think you face a long difficult struggle at all. This should be fairly easy to do, and way deep down, you already basically know how to bring it all back, it's just underneath a lot of second guessing and feeling unsure of how to go about things, a lot of mental 'crap' built up over the years since you used your abilities, which you'll have to purge in order to re-empower your will and intent. If you approach something with the attitude "I don't know how", then you are building a brick wall in your own path. Instead try rewording that "I'm going to figure out how". Approach it in complete confidence "This is what I am going to do", and then just do it. And if you run into obstacles, don't get discouraged, get unstoppable. Know your obstacles and/or feelings of weakness for what they really are, prison walls made of tissue paper.

Also, it wouldn't hurt to interact with others who have ability.

You should be able to relearn your abilities quickly. Not without effort, but it really ought to be 'fun', and there's no need to feel like you have to go to great lengths to "pay for your folly" or some such. That's just moralistic nonsense from the freudian superego peanut gallery.

PS- know just how you feel. I really hate that 'blinded' sensation, it's like the whole world has all the color sucked out of it or something. a whole layer of perception missing. And the total lack of empathic sense is almost a sorta 'dead' feeling inside. It feels like being a purely biological hunk of matter, soulless, like you're lacking the luminous ethereal essence that made it all engaging and meaningful. bleh, I hope you recover.

I'm not entirely convinced it went away at all, As I learned Thur my study of fears and paranoia, U cant push or Ur ability's/emotions to the side, without somewhat rejecting your self. So a more manual approach may help, For instance when it comes to a dead car, sometimes it just needs a jump start, So u could always try and remember a particular sensory perception/smell/taste...ect And something I learned from the study of willpower in relation to memory, Which was People who tend to have less of a drive, may open a cupboard, and forget to close it, So if they touched things And actually payed attention to it, or how it felt, then over time they had a bigger percentage of Remembering to close the cupboard, Cause it no longer was so much just there, but was more of something. From what Ive heard Memory and emotion go hand in hand, I believe in the mammalian part of the brain. If Ever time i try to reach for a cookie, and u strait up just punched me, I will associate cookie with caution, The only difference in this case is, Rather than just Receiving the Virus, Ur injecting one of your own, designed to open up old pathways, and Feel out the natural map of Ur ability. I apologize if i don't quite make sense, I'm not so gifted with words.