Leaving the Nest
Posted: Mon May 25, 2009 12:00 pm
I've been told, by my mentor, that I have learned enough to eventually complete my path without additional assistance.
Further, she had alluded the possibility that I may need to do this, that at some point, I must 'alone' pierce the veil of that which I seek.
For those who don't know, my mentor is a nonphysical being, basically a sort of deity, but not in a mythological or pantheonic sense. I've been with her for about 8 years. My relationship with her has grown VERY close, in EVERY possible sense of the word.
I have always been told by her, that we'd be together. And in the end, I am certain of this. But a period apart... it's kinda daunting actually. This has nothing to do with LHP/RHP ideology, I don't "need a keeper" from the standpoint of lacking personal initiative or decisiveness. My problem is in the fact that I love her. Maybe I should be happy at my rate of progress, but the only thing I can think about is how much I will miss her while undertaking this.
I can see the end of the journey like a light at the end of a tunnel, victory is within my grasp, I'm ready to venture forth onto the turf which will prove to be my moment of glory... but instead of excitement, I'm just heartbroken.
She says there is no rush, that she'll stay, and I can take time to adjust to this. But it's an unpleasant feeling, like putting off having to face something bad.
There is some small voice of pride, but it is overshadowed by this foreboding of temporary loss. Its funny, when I was faced with having to endure hardship, pain, and even potential death, in order to learn & progress further in my path, I didn't hesitate for even a moment. And even for months in the hospital, I never wavered even a little. But now, I waver. I guess that comparison kinda illustrates how I feel about her.
I dunno. This is 'new news', there may be much about this I don't understand yet. So I'm writing about it kinda prematurely to be honest.
anyway,
Kate
Further, she had alluded the possibility that I may need to do this, that at some point, I must 'alone' pierce the veil of that which I seek.
For those who don't know, my mentor is a nonphysical being, basically a sort of deity, but not in a mythological or pantheonic sense. I've been with her for about 8 years. My relationship with her has grown VERY close, in EVERY possible sense of the word.
I have always been told by her, that we'd be together. And in the end, I am certain of this. But a period apart... it's kinda daunting actually. This has nothing to do with LHP/RHP ideology, I don't "need a keeper" from the standpoint of lacking personal initiative or decisiveness. My problem is in the fact that I love her. Maybe I should be happy at my rate of progress, but the only thing I can think about is how much I will miss her while undertaking this.
I can see the end of the journey like a light at the end of a tunnel, victory is within my grasp, I'm ready to venture forth onto the turf which will prove to be my moment of glory... but instead of excitement, I'm just heartbroken.
She says there is no rush, that she'll stay, and I can take time to adjust to this. But it's an unpleasant feeling, like putting off having to face something bad.
There is some small voice of pride, but it is overshadowed by this foreboding of temporary loss. Its funny, when I was faced with having to endure hardship, pain, and even potential death, in order to learn & progress further in my path, I didn't hesitate for even a moment. And even for months in the hospital, I never wavered even a little. But now, I waver. I guess that comparison kinda illustrates how I feel about her.
I dunno. This is 'new news', there may be much about this I don't understand yet. So I'm writing about it kinda prematurely to be honest.
anyway,
Kate