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Had!

Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2014 7:23 pm
by AgapeAgate
The manifestation! Greetings everybody.

Let me tell you my story. I was born to Christian parents. I never agreed with them when it came to religion, and when I was in middle school I declared myself an agnostic. I was also interested in oriental stuff, and I took to Buddhism in high school. By the time I graduated I was cynical about everything, and a college philosophy class opened my eyes even more to that realization that I know nothing.

In 2012 I began to take an interest in esoteric material. Late-night lurking on -chans led me to fringe knowledge. Since then I've been trying to figure out how everything works. I guess we (not bodies but energy fields) are all part of a collective consciousness (that other energy field) that generates personalized challenges for conscious beings to stimulate the growth of the whole: Qabalistic evolution. Thelema taught me that following love to your true will is the optimization of this process.

I've been learning tarot for almost a year, studying (mostly Thelema, I've been departing from that recently into more chaotic waters), detoxing (not going well lol), and basically trying to improve myself as a magician. I don't even really consider myself one, the most magical things I've done are chakra work and the LBRP.

My goals in my workings are freedom-oriented. I'd like to see beyond Maya, the illusion, into the truth. I'd like to call the shots instead of the demiurge. I want to fly through the astral unbound by fear or hang-ups. I want to defeat every force that is "above me", for in my eyes they're nothing more than self-imposed restrictions. The only sin is restriction.

The manifestation is at an end.

Re: Had!

Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2014 7:38 pm
by Ramscha
Good evening Agate,

Seems like you made it through the stages of the stereotypical american 80s Generation, grown up it a conservative household, early rebellion against parents and changes of mind regarding life philosophy during the process of growing up, continuing during college times where an actual orientation startedto form and then landing in the gloomy orbit of some sinister order. [crazy]

Just some loud thinking, welcome in the Forum, Agate.

Since you already have had a look into Thelema and quabalistic thinking, did you also consider looking into other directions and periods of time where other truths may be hidden? Thelema and the quabala are both rather young directions considering Shinto, Suomi,Vodun and other animistic models, many seeing the wordl around us living also part of ourself, but not as hollow illusions. Tons of directions, tons of thoughts, both contradicting and similar. [thumbup]

Ramscha

Re: Had!

Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2014 7:57 pm
by AgapeAgate
Ramscha,

I'm always looking for new places to go mentally, and I haven't considered those directions. Thank you for the redirection, I'd like to step outside of the Western Occultism box. "Gloomy orbit" is right, I feel like a prisoner in a world of shit.

Re: Had!

Posted: Tue Mar 11, 2014 10:27 am
by Nahemah
Hi and welcome to the forum. [grin]