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Hello, for the past 6 months I have been dealing with issues. Delusions if you will. My practices as a psychonaut and practicing with magick have gone on for about 2/3 years now which have included, roughly speaking, Aleister Crowly's teachings, Chaos Magick, Altered States of Consciousness, Deep Meditation, and other practices. Of course, I've experimented with psychedelics, but hardly. So my experience mainly started with visions. I would get information from the future within a small time frame. Usually these visions will happen 1/2 seconds but the information I gather is massive within those couple second, and usually I'm only able to retain a small amount of the information given to me.

About 7-10 months ago my visions started getting a bit more intense. There would be moments when would start to see events happening instead of the usual "information vision". (Sorry that is the only way I can explain these visions) I would see fire bursting through windows which would stop right before hitting me. I would see meteors crashing down on earth obliterating everything around me. Around that time it felt as if something was going to happen. As if this was a warning, but I wasn't stressing on it too much as I was in awe about even receiving such visions. I found it more so a gift then a burden. Anyhow, around the last weeks before I started going 'insane' I was able to predict things that were about to happen. Whether it'd be intuitively or not. I was able to tell when someone was about to approach my doorstep, and when something was about to happen, or when someone was about to message me. This would happen so often I was already used to it happening. There was absolutely no questioning that I was able to do this things. Sometimes it came as a feeling, and other times it came as a vision. Meaning I would see it, then it would happen.

As this kept happening I started to get depressed. It was due to a lot of personal things. New relationships, family, money, etc... I felt that there was some sort of impending doom coming along. Surely enough, one day I wake up and I have no idea who I am or more so I was a different person all together. I disliked everything that I usually liked. My body felt foreigner to me. In fact at first I believed I was a female, which till this day has caused many problems for me. The ideas that I had were no longer mine. It was like my brain all together didn't belong to me. I could not control my thoughts. On top of that I wasn't able to do anything without being in a constant state of panic. I could not meditate without everything my state of mind getting worse, and I was too fearful to continue doing any type of practices.

One night I decided to smoke after someone offered, which I never do, to help calm my nerves. After doing so I laid down and it became clear to me that I wasn't in control of my thoughts. I literally could not direct my thoughts or even speak inside my own head. There was a specific voice that was talking in my head, a female voice which was, somehow it seems, mocking me. As if she knew I had no control over my mind and was fully aware of it. She went about talking to hear 'pet', or some sort of entity. After this happened I attempted to forget about it and go to sleep as fast as I could.

After being sick of the constant fear I was going through I went to get some help. I went to see a (cheap) Psychiatrist simply to get medication to relieve me of the constant stress. The medication she prescribed me did help, as I thought it would, but it only helped push back the visions and relax my mind.

Recently, about 1 week ago I took a nap and had a very strong/realistic dream. I wasn't "me" in this dream but a person living in quite a big house. While using the restroom I looked to the side of me and there was a man. After only seeing his shirt I panicked and quickly blacked out. I woke up on a bed in a daze feeling like I was half asleep or maybe drugged. I was afraid and was attempting to look around me but I could hardly move. As I turned my head I was able to see a little girl sitting besides me and I started asking her questions. It was as if as soon as that happened, as soon as I seen her, I started to realized this was more than a dream. I started to feel like myself despite being in a daze. I then started to ask the girl who she was and what she wanted from me and she would not reply. After repeatedly asking her she simply, and aggressively, told me to stay away from Enochian Magic. That was when I immediately though of her as being the voice inside my head. It wasn't more so me thinking it was her, but rather a realization. Her words sounded almost desperate but at the same time attempting to scare me. It's quite funny because I was about to start looking into Enochian Magick as an attempt to figure out what happened to me or who/what is doing this, this in fact has been something I wanted to do at the very start of me going insane, but back then I was too fearful. So anyway, as this girl walks out I start asking her questions as to why she demands this of me since this practice is so important to me, but she doesn't answer any of my questions. The only thing she did, was right before she walked out she aggressively/desperately directed me to stay away from it. And her face I will never forget the expression.

So throughout the whole process I had to push through these delusions of myself in order to find the truth of who I really was. Even after looking back at everything I still feel the whole thing makes no sense, and the only thing I can think of, is what I though about from the night I heard her voice taking control of my head. Maybe it was a possession of some kind? I've always messed around with altered states of consciousness and my belief systems, and for the most part sometimes I've always figured I've let some demons or entities inside me to in order to reach certain goals if I'm working on a project. Also I'm wondering why this thing desperately wants me to stay away from Enochian Magick?

There's really only one thing strange was that before buying my first book on Enochian Magick I had a strong urge no to get it. It seemed like a lot of things were going wrong while trying to order it online, but I felt so connected to it that I couldn't resist.

As of now I'm fully back to my normal state of mind, but still am on edge a little bit. I can't help but feel this thing is still inside me and definitely doesn't want me to mess around with any sort of magic. I can recall going to magic shops (and especially mexican ones) and feeling intense, specifically when I seen this dead angel... One thing is that this is more than complex thoughts. This is has also effected my consciousness, clearly. It's getting late and I'm getting very tired... Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should do? I'm not a great magician and I don't feel I can personally take this thing on alone. Has anyone every experience something similar to this? (Yes, I know it's quite an experience but still.) What is you're opinion on this as to what has happened?

One more this is that I felt was it was kind of humorous that this girl was trying attempting to be a little girl to have some innocence to hear. Clearly that was a trick to get me to listen to here. The only thing I'm wondering if that was an attempting out of desperation or to truly get me to listen. Still I feel it when I even think about messing around with any sort of magic, it's a hostile/desperate energy. Truly I think it either doesn't want me to find it, or it's keeping me away from going further insane.

Have a read of this and see if it resonates with you:

http://www.theomagica.com/the-dweller-on-the-threshold

Sounds to me like what people in my trade call a partial possession. Where, for whatever reason, the entity decides that it's intentions on our plain are best served not only in a body, but a more self aware one. I've only encountered this once in the past, and the reason was because it was someone... close to me, and so the spirit wanted to hide from me (understandably).

If you wish, I will gladly take on your case. If you are feeling like it is still there, it means that it is severely weakened and on it's last leg (otherwise it would have enough influence over your thoughts to mesmer you away from those thoughts).

Basically, you're almost rid of it. But this is the hardest bit, the last fight. I will help you if you wish.

To be honest though, I was smirking as I read this, because you pretty much kicked it in the teeth already, I like that [eg] ! For example, when you said you were in the bed, you were defiant (it sounds) and you didn't let it stop you doing the enochian magic.

My theory, and I could be wrong, is that somehow, somewhere out there is a spirit/spirits that are helping you, and were fighting it, and if you started enochian they would have a stronger link to you, they were already beating down the hostile spirit "possessing" you and it felt those spirits drawing you to enochian, and so it attempted a psychic attack on you (that was a psychic attack) to drive you away from it, but clearly too late.

If I am correct, either you have astral friends (no offence, unlikely), or the spirit is hiding from enemies in you/this plain.

Meh, either way, if you wish for House RavenCroft's assistance we'll gladly help.

Lucius.

Sorry I was gone all day. I was spent the whole day with my partner.

Anyways, thanks I'll give this a read right now.

Nahemah wrote:Have a read of this and see if it resonates with you:

http://www.theomagica.com/the-dweller-on-the-threshold

Lucius wrote:Sounds to me like what people in my trade call a partial possession. Where, for whatever reason, the entity decides that it's intentions on our plain are best served not only in a body, but a more self aware one. I've only encountered this once in the past, and the reason was because it was someone... close to me, and so the spirit wanted to hide from me (understandably).

If you wish, I will gladly take on your case. If you are feeling like it is still there, it means that it is severely weakened and on it's last leg (otherwise it would have enough influence over your thoughts to mesmer you away from those thoughts).

Basically, you're almost rid of it. But this is the hardest bit, the last fight. I will help you if you wish.

To be honest though, I was smirking as I read this, because you pretty much kicked it in the teeth already, I like that [eg] ! For example, when you said you were in the bed, you were defiant (it sounds) and you didn't let it stop you doing the enochian magic.

My theory, and I could be wrong, is that somehow, somewhere out there is a spirit/spirits that are helping you, and were fighting it, and if you started enochian they would have a stronger link to you, they were already beating down the hostile spirit "possessing" you and it felt those spirits drawing you to enochian, and so it attempted a psychic attack on you (that was a psychic attack) to drive you away from it, but clearly too late.

If I am correct, either you have astral friends (no offence, unlikely), or the spirit is hiding from enemies in you/this plain.

Meh, either way, if you wish for House RavenCroft's assistance we'll gladly help.

Lucius.

Yes, I find that funny because one thing I remember thinking is that I would agree to "share" my mind with this thing if only it allows me to retain my old self. After thinking about that for a while I started to feel a bit less stressed. What was killing me at first was that I was able to transition my way of thinking. It was like I would have my mindset, and then it would forcefully switch to another. I remember sitting in my restroom trying to find my inner peace if you will, and that's where I would start to feel like myself. I'd open my eyes after a second and all these foreign thoughts started racing inside of my head again. It was driving me mad for months. I'm only 20 and some of my hair has even turned gray due to the stress simply because of this. That was basically the spiritual battle that was going on inside me. What ever this thing is, it DOES NOT want me to remain on a spiritual path whatsoever. I find it kind of accepts me as a "normal" person (low consciousness), but will not let me regain my higher consciousness. As soon as I do my mind starts to get completely taken over. Completely.

(Strangely enough this is the very first time I've been able to feel like myself %100 and able to sit here, even meditate without ANY interference! Honestly I don't know what is going on but I'm on to something.)

Care to describe your encounter with your friend?

As of writing this strangely enough I feel nothing, actually after your suggesting of helping me. It's very strange. Well this thing is definitely weakened. Although today while at the park I started to get very delusional again. This wasn't so much a surprise to me seeing as every time I am around nature my consciousness starts to feel really lively, meaning I feel connected to everything. While even trying to fight it off it still managed to take control of my mind once again, which scared me because it was like everything I've done to get my thoughts and consciousness back to the way it was, was completely destroyed. One thing though is after heading back home I started to feel more like myself again. These things don't have much of an effect on me now seeing as I can get pass these delusions because I know for a fact that they do not belong to me.

Strangely enough I'm starting to feel the end to this and I'm starting to accept what has happened to me as more of a possession. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I can feel this entity externally know, almost as I can feel/see it's energy. And it's desperation is something I can definitely feel but there is a certain hostility and I don't no to what lengths this thing will go to as I've never dealt with anything like this in the past.

That's what I was wondering too. Because this entity in must have known I was not simply going to let it have control over me. Or maybe it didn't. A future without the occult and various things that I love is no future at all. I still feel I'm going to practice Enochian Magick, but I just hope this is not some kind of trap. I feel the delusions as soon as I start thinking about anything relating to magick, occult, spirituality, futurism, and so on.

Your theory sounds reasonable. The only thing I hope is that this Enochian Magick isn't a trap for this entity to take more control over me.

A funny thing about this, is that it started right when I was about to get into astral projection, seeing as I knew my consciousness was extremely lively/high and I was getting a bit tired of dealing with this plane. I wanted to see more and see what I could really do. After reading into astral projecting and getting really pulled into it that's when I was hit with this.

Any assistance would be great and much appreciated. Honestly I just want to get rid of this thing and get my mind back so that I may start focusing on more practices.

(Okay I kind of feel it's back again)

Nahemah wrote:Have a read of this and see if it resonates with you:

http://www.theomagica.com/the-dweller-on-the-threshold

When I first started getting into the occult I dealt with something that sounds similar to this. I read a lot. Retained so much information and just went along with it. That was my initiation and that's how I was introduced into the occult. To just jump in head first and see what happens. I feel into a depression for about 3 months. I literally could not get out of bed. This was due to me have delusions about myself as I felt I could not handle the things that were coming to me. I was trying to accept humanity as a reflection of myself. Everything. This included to EVERYTHING bad in this world, to everything good. It was an attempt to turn my soul into gold if you will.

So far it seems like this does not fully apply to what is happening to me, as it is more like a trade off/transition of egos or 'the self'.
Definitely one thing that I have thought is that I was going through a really rough time, and it really effected me spiritually. I remember going on a date and it was so hard for me to open up to this woman. And my ego was running wild. It was extremely hard to lower it, which I never did. Well until this happened. Very recently I started to look at old pictures of myself and realized how much of a better person I was, and oddly enough I do sort of feel I am coming back to that. Who knows maybe this is something I need to go through to get back to that state of mind, but even so I highly doubt it. What I am going through now seems totally irrational.

one thing I remember thinking is that I would agree to "share" my mind with this thing if only it allows me to retain my old self

Don't do that. Bad idea. REALLY bad idea. Most things that want to 'share' are there to feast. Do you want to turn yourself into an all you can eat buffet?

I find it kind of accepts me as a "normal" person (low consciousness), but will not let me regain my higher consciousness. As soon as I do my mind starts to get completely taken over. Completely.

So get pissed off and tell it to get the hell out. It's your head. Claim it as your own and add a No Trespassing sign.

Strangely enough this is the very first time I've been able to feel like myself %100 and able to sit here, even meditate without ANY interference! Honestly I don't know what is going on but I'm on to something.)

Well this thing is definitely weakened

Don't fool yourself. It's just standard behavior on their end. Once you believe it's weakened you lower your defenses. It's a simple trick.

A funny thing about this, is that it started right when I was about to get into astral projection,

Of course it did. That's really common, too.

Obviously, you're into the Occult Paths. How much work have you done with basic Psychic Self Defense?

Seriously, it's never wise to go barging into something elses space without knowing how to protect and defend yourself.

Honestly I just want to get rid of this thing and get my mind back so that I may start focusing on more practices.

You should take Lucius up on his offer. He may be young but he knows his shit. It's few and far between that you'll find someone this willing to help.

When you listed what you're into there was a lot of Ceremonial stuff in there. How much work have you done with your own psychic gifts and self defense?

At the very least - find a copy of Dion Fortune's Psychic Self Defense before this happens again.

RoseRed wrote: Obviously, you're into the Occult Paths. How much work have you done with basic Psychic Self Defense?

Seriously, it's never wise to go barging into something elses space without knowing how to protect and defend yourself.

You should take Lucius up on his offer. He may be young but he knows his shit. It's few and far between that you'll find someone this willing to help.

When you listed what you're into there was a lot of Ceremonial stuff in there. How much work have you done with your own psychic gifts and self defense?

At the very least - find a copy of Dion Fortune's Psychic Self Defense before this happens again.

Well I've practice some rituals in the past but I hardly practiced anything seeing as I hardly have time to myself these days. I've never practiced, or read anything into psychic self defense. Actually I never really considered myself to be psychic until I started to predict things and see things seconds before they happened. The old visions I used to get, I felt, where kind of ripples through time and space. I would see myself probably a year from now and they always came true. But anyways as for psychic stuff I recently bought this book after seeing it at some book store: http://www.amazon.com/Psychic-Intellige ... B00ANYP4WC Unfortunately it got lost in the mail...


As for Lucius's help I would appreciate that so much. I don't know how exactly you would be able to help me though. Maybe you can explain? Also I was going to try some sort of cleansing rituals soon. Anyone have any rituals that would be good to keep this thing away, or more so put an end to it completely?

Honestly I've lost most of my abilities since I have been living with low consciousness in order to level out my mind, and maybe the medication has something to do with it as well. Who knows. I haven't really tried meditating lately (well besides today) in order to reach higher consciousness because once I do my mind starts to become a warzone. Today in the morning I tried, and it worked out pretty well. I'm still taking things slow though, but I may not take it slow for to long as my patients is really running low.

I have to say I agree with Rose Red. You can contact Lucius-chan via PM.