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I have 27 years, i think i had some kind of weird experience.

I dont speak english very well, so i will try to be to the point.

Some background:

Since i was on my adolescence, i lived trapped in myself, with little contact to people, null contact to girls, jailed on my own mental prison. With inability to interact with womans, i always feel some kind of low, hostil, energy, feeling on my lower left body, there was violence in home, i always was quiet outsidel, but with angry tensions, and breakdowns from time to time. I escaped those years, being trapped more and more behind a computer, consuming things that i thought were interesting (music -metal, black, death, progressive rock, rock,), occultism (readings about hermetism, crowley, ordo templi orientis, tantra, christopher hyatt, antero alli, terrance mckenna, robert anton wilson, timothy leary, samuel sagan, out of body experiences, etc).

Later i found drugs, psychedelics, lsd was my fauvorite, liked mushrooms, but i never feel anything out of body, just synesthesia listening to King Crimson, Pink Floyd, Mudvayne, Tool, etc. Tried Ayahuasca a little of times, i scared the hell of it, one time that it kicked, and i feel with too much fever, feeling my mind letting my body, seeing it as a vehicle from the roof. I thought i was going to die, so i just cut it off, and tried to focus on some music, i remember i put Anathema (A natural Disaster, A fine day to exit ) on and on, i was alone, and made the preparation myself, prior to that i didnt understand properly english speaking, after that i undarstand when someones speaks.

Lately, i was on a period of sexual abstinence, 1 year without mansturbation, sex, prior to that i mansturbated every 3/4 months, when i felt really crazy. Those years i have lots of wet dreams, and nightmares about awaken still without way to move, or being too druged and ruined.
The last year i did a vegetarian diet. And months ago i drinked ayahuasca with a chaman, the last one, made me a little crazy, days from that i had a psychic breakdown. I also some years ago practice martial arts, kung fu. Gone to the doctor, i had swollen lymphs, he injected me something for the fever, and prescribed me antibiotics, i felt a little better after the injection.

Some days ago i feel i had to break all this stupid things to not feel so crazy and go back to earth, eat meat, have sex.

From the last time i had sex, i feel like with fever (im also doing medical exams, i practiced 69 without protection (with a girl, and the last one with a shemale, when she made anal sex with protection, i felt this fever, i tried a shemale, because the last time i was with a girl i felt too shy, like if i was doing she harm, i thought maybe all this year i was sexual repressed and gay, that was my first time, i found the shemale really attractive too much femine, and i didnt feel like guilty, shy when i was with girls, but i didnt like anal sex either, and i like to like pussy better), she prescribed me antibiotics, and blood exams), technically i dont have fever, but i feel hot, and the pressure a little higher, with energy going from my lower back to my head. Each day that energy is going up, yesterday it was in my heart, i feel like in rapt. The last hours before to sleep i felt that energy on my head, and in my eyes like a springer of light, with the eyes a little sensitive to light. Now Im taking antibiotics, i feel a little better than before, but feel some tension on my higher back, heart, tingling on my frown, and especially on my left eye.



Yesterday i felt like i was losing my voice, didnt hear my own steps, felt my front neck, trachea, tense didnt hear my own thoughts or when reading, felt the need to talk to people to hear my voice, , to try to stay on this reality, felt like i was going out.

Excuse my writing but i had to communicate because im a little scared, of this new feellings, like if i am high (prior to ayahusca, i dont do drugs since a year, and i didnt abuse them, i consumed like every 5/6 months)with tinglings.

My penis is also from time to time, having precum without a reason, and quite rolled inside than normal.

Is what experiencied kundalini energy? do i filled with lower energy (sometimes i think, that sexual energy, have the power, to cure. But also that some people use sex, to put ill, do energic works on the others, dont know if that is valid, or a way to prevent, block it from working that way, )? what could i do to lower this feelings? a girl, massages, will calm me down? reiki? tantra massages?

What kind of specialist aside from the medical doctor, could i see, specially spiritually speaking? (i dont belong to any religion, neither when i was a child)

Thanks, to all.

Start meditating. Every day. Stop using drugs for a while (year or more). Go seek professional help, and be ready to make some drastic lifestyle changes.

That's the only advice I can give to you.

Work on grounding yourself. Relaxing. Take off your shirt and lay on the bare earth. Bare feet to the earth. Walk. Find some large rocks(fist size). Bath them in salt water. Name them and draw symbols on them. Symbols that bring you peace. Make a circle with them. Meditate daily within this circle.

Completely stop taking drugs.

Masturbate every few days. It cannot hurt you. The sexual release will do you good.

I believe that the girl and the she-male you had sex with were prostitutes. That is OK. If you can afford to have sex with prostitutes occasional then do so. It will do you good but don't spend all your money on it.

Go to your doctor. Tell them about your problems. They will refer you to a psychiatrist.

NO-ONE is cursing you. NO-ONE! You are not important enough or bad enough for anyone to want to curse.

Stop listening to death metal. It will depress you. Heavy rock and metal causes unpleasant emotions. Find something nicer.

Ultimately, unless you are lucky enough to meet a very good therapist - which is most unlikely, you will have to solve your own emotional and mental problems. Look into: -

1) hypnosis/ self-hypnosis.
2) NLP - Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
3) Tapping. Emotional Freedom Technique, EFT.
4) affirmations. Visualisation.
5) Breathwork. Prolonged periods of deep breathing have the effect of bringing to the surface buried emotions and memories. These emotions may be painful but they may be happy emotions you have buried. This can be very healing but also potentially very dangerous.

If you are going to use any form of ritual magick to help heal yourself then make the goal 'deep profound healing'; 'emotional happiness' etc..

Good luck.

Hi i think im normal, im trying to eat a lot of meat, to calm down. Im doing the opposite of the last year, to go back to normal.
This morning, i didnt felt my heart, and had a more elevated pain threshold than im used.
I think i need to do martial arts again, to gain weight, fitness. But dont know how to cope that heart sensations, with the training. I could be forcing my heart, overburning, without a reason, i feel my heartbeat softer. Maybe i was tense all this years, and now i feel paranoid relaxed?



What do you think about reiki, and therepies to clean the enegic centers. Sometimes i think they are all bullshit, but last time with some people walking on the street feeling a little sensitive, when i started to feel my frown cleaning, i felt like they put something nastier on my frown, third eye, maybe is my mind tripping about some weird eye contact? that day, walking i felt that thing entering inside, like a leech sucking, this feeling on my frown lasted 3/4 months. After i talked with another person (an african percusionist), about music and in the middle of the talk about drums, i felt him cleaning that thing from my frown. How can one protect from receiving and giving to others this sensations?

So my problem with this sensations, is that i dont know where to go, or how to clean them, protect me from getting them.
Or receiving gifts from extrangers, simbolically i think they are throwing their karma on you, using you as a thrash can to clean themselves, it happened when after a walk an outcast, seeing me wet from rain, asked me money. I tell him, im walking without money to my house since 3 hours ago under the rain. He offered me from his backpack an old unopened package of cookies to eat, felt a weird eye contact, i kept walking, and i thrown it in the first can i saw.

How do you protect energic centers?

For me the occult, was about mental experiences, an altered states, but sometimes i have that kind of impressions.

With respect to magick, i dont think im mentally qualified, to read more, or learn that readings.
I think that kind of knowledge has to be transfered from master to student. Because reading it all alone, cant help with the psychological maduration to the works properly. How do you learn, use that kind of subjects? did you learnt from contact with others, at least on other paths?


Thanks.

Regarding sex with strangers, prostitutes, aside sexual transmission deseases, how do you protect from unbalances from energetic exchanges and that?
Sometimes i think reality has this normal and mundane world and a simbollical magical meaning in every kind of interaction. Coexisting both in parallel. The simbolical realm based on the spiritual, sexual.

Also when i was on that breakdowns, more sensitive, when making eye contact with extrangers, i could feel the aggresive state of the person in front, by seeing the light of his eyes expanding, prior to being physical, if i felt them in that way, i started to break the talk abruptly and leave.

Resident, I don't know what country you live in but if it has good healthcare please make use of it. Go to your doctor to begin getting help for your childhood issues. As a total stranger on the Internet I believe I can offer no help to you at all. Good luck. I wish you well.

Horny Goat wrote: Stop listening to death metal. It will depress you. Heavy rock and metal causes unpleasant emotions. Find something nicer.

I tend to be very happy when listening to Nile, Slayer or Possessed. [confused]

Grounding and balancing. Are you familiar with the Middle Pillar meditation? Whether or not you believe it to be bullshit, I suggest giving it a try. The vocalisations aren't strictly necessary, but focusing energy on each of the points will balance the energy. http://home.earthlink.net/~xristos/Gold ... uals03.htm

If that doesn't appeal you might want to try http://www.spellsofmagic.com/coven_ritu ... &coven=492
This is one of mine, published in Chaos Monkey and around the Internet. Very generic and very effective if you put yourself into it.