Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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OneOfFourth
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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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I'm interested in your thoughts. Please give to-the-point short answers to the following questions:

1. What are the biggest chances in your thinking after you started experiencing these spirit realm encounters?
2. Why do you not care about humanity/world anymore?
Seeker of truth.
God is the thought of/about something.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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OneOfFourth wrote: Fri Sep 09, 2022 4:36 pm I'm interested in your thoughts. Please give to-the-point short answers to the following questions:

1. What are the biggest chances in your thinking after you started experiencing these spirit realm encounters?
2. Why do you not care about humanity/world anymore?
That is hard to answer, as I am still trying to figure so much out. Which spirit realm encounters? My first memory was flatlining in a hospital when i was a child, age 8-14?

I cannot answer this shortly and genuinely, as memories of a "trip" to this universe/solar system/realm had me travel through many adverse "guardians" who are invested in bullying this realm with their OS, they robbed me of my dignity, my value, my worth, and self esteem as a being from another realm. Nothing has gotten better, which is why I feel this place would be best destroyed, along with all associated entities. It is beyond hope.

As far as the visions of Ms. Asrael, seeing her in the flesh completed me, feeling her heart beat in my chest gave me meaning I had been searching for all of my life. In short, it empowered me.

In the parking lot buying ammunition, my mind was "expanded" in my van, it felt like i was going insane, but like the evisceration of my soul, I needed to give them "permission" to do it- as one having my mind expanded, I cannot put into words the changes that have happened, as they have happened within my mind, and monitoring ones mind and documenting the changes is almost impossible.

To put it shortly, I was empowered, enlightened, and given hope, only to find that while I have hope, this realm is probably, and should be, doomed and wiped out entirely.

2. I never cared about humanity. When the progenitors raped, beat, and almost murdered me, and relatives and non relatives saw the target on me and abused me, I realized there was no worth with the human race- they tortured what humanity I had left out of me. As a teenager, I studied zero point physics to try to wipe the human race off of this planet. (ironically, i have just about designed it in my head today, no doubt with the help of alien entities) What friends I had at the time, if I had been successful, I would have given them jurisdictions of what was left of the human race, and I looked forward to hunting the remnant to extinction with aircraft and offroad vehicles, enslaving the rest in endless labor in coal mines until they died.

When I realized I did not possess enough knowledge not to destroy myself with the weapon, I abandoned the research. I was also struggling with an addiction to various drugs at the time.

When I was with the girlfriend, and when we fellowshipped, her light helped me to see a side of humanity that I wanted to preserve, nurture, and help, but when she began fucking an old crush of hers and abandoned me, it just reiterated the scourge that humanity is.

I alternate between having some hope, I do retain some of my humanity, and on an individual level I "care" about people, but as a whole, and realizing how animalistic (I don't mean to insult the animal kingdom) stupid, and lacking in critical thinking most humans are, (An ex told me, 10% of humans are good, 10% are bad, and 80% are too dumb to make a decision either way) I do not see A. how they can survive, and B. how the "elites" that so many view as evil are necessary to keep the mindless animals (of which I admit I am one in many ways) fed, clothed, and in line, because the base human animal (90%) are too stupid to govern themselves rightly and with a minimum of cruelty and a modicum of empathy.

With the knowledge of these alien influences that have never not been a factor, and their own dysfunction and lack of morals, it just reinforces the idea that the human race on earth is a lost cause.

A part of me hopes I am wrong, and that humanity will evolve and "do better", but having suffered like I have, if this is the cost of it, I hope it does not happen, and I hope it ends, and I pray all those responsible are suffering sufficiently to justify the daily horror that is this human race.

I wonder if Amor is wrong, and maybe I am here to end this whole sick experiment, to mercifully put an end to the languishing human race on Earth.

There is no justice here.

I have viewed life from the lense of religion, in that that there is a supreme guiding force, everything happens for a reason, good will win, etc, etc, and a god is "watching over you". Since my conversations with Amor, I realize not only is none of this true, but chaos is always at the door, the human race is always hanging by a thread at best.

However, the idea of "unity" appeals to me, acceptance of love of one another, but I am not sure humans are smart enough to adopt this, however, I also see that the younger generations tend to be more oriented towards this, the ones that have not been abused by the dumber human animals. So is there hope, I do not know. I have no allies here, no friends, no helpers, no cosmic beings to come to my aid. All of that was raped and ripped from me by society, and mainly my progenitors with the hand in hand help of the OS.

I should have been married, with a family, in a nice house, and a successful career, nurturing children who will make a difference, instead, I am a filthy, nude human, living in squalor, attempting to cope with the daily malfunctions of my government, what's left of the progenitors, the OS, and whatever else is out there in the chaoseum of outer space and this realm. I have been lied to since day one, and I am barely functioning trying to find my way out of it.

As Amor says, I cannot control my thoughts, I have a thousand messages from ten thousand beings, light and dark, with their own motivations, which ones have my well being in their hearts? I cannot even identify them as they come.

Which beings came to me to form a pact of nonviolence against Asrael, a few days before I slew her? I regret not making it, but I did make a pact similarly, that anything adverse to her being, I would consult her heart first, which is a form of a pact of non violence. How did these beings know I would be asked to slay her? Was it adverse beings? Is it part of a sadistic space reality tv program? Are there any saviors, is there any help, beings that there are no true gods?

The wolf-goddess, my highest mother, she is out in her realm, she is not ever present with me, and it feels like I am all alone here, a toy to be played with by various aliens, with no oversight, no discretion, no compassion, no empathy, no love whatsoever.

In truth, when I had the blanket of religion, I had at least a hope that I was being helped, or guided- and after this thread, I now have none of that, I realize how alone I am, a cosmic victim, who has had enough- and wants to strike at my enemies without mercy.


There is no one coming to help me, there is no one from the realms here who cares, you can be lonely as a human and still have your humanity, I have nothing, no roots here, no children, I am an alien from another universe that is not governed by the rules here, I am an alien in foreign lands in the realest sense, only recently did I even find this out, sent here by space idiots to do something that even eludes me

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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contemplating Asrael's bodily demise (but not her energy) this morning, naturally I am feeling a horrendous burden of grief and sorrow over it, acting without hesitation, this being an atrocity in my heart the likes of which I, an alien in foreign lands, am unable to come to terms with in the aftermath- she, being the one living being that mattered to me, the one thing I had to ground me here, in spite of the friction between us, she was all that i had.

I inquired as to my handlers, why would they ask me to do something, so sudden, so terrible, so cruel and vicious, to take the one thing, the only thing I had here in this disgusting cosmic soap opera, so wretched and vile in its core that once exposed, the only recourse is to end the entire dynamic forever,

And, it answered me, they pushed me to strike, to "give me power" over this realm, to "Flush out all weakness" to, "Make me a ruler" to "give me power" to which I responded- I do not care about being the king of this trash heap, what am I to be, the Lord of debris? I do not care about this place! I cared about HER, the one woman who had compassion on me, if even for a fleeting moment, she accepted me wholly for who I was, when this entire filth ridden universe rejected me, she, being a monster as I am, gave me her heart- her rage against me was love for me, turned inside-out.

And nothing, nothing in this filth ridden realm compares to the love of a Wolfen, certainly nothing as detestable as wretched human affection, when one finds compassion in the golden eyes, one has found the universe- and more.

They told me, though the act I committed against her was swift, vicious and cruel, piercing her heart, and her throat deeply, though it was terrible to me- her heart was beginning to know me, to understand that I cared for her, she was beginning to "come around", however in her frailty, in her helplessness in the darkness, at best I would have spent an eternity with her, in pitch black caverns filled with the stench I came to know all too well, betrayed by unfeeling aliens with no care for human life, or hers- whatsoever, with no food, no water, no entertainment, nothing "do to", and had it not of happened, my heart would have been filled with weeping, i would have "found her" but lost everything else, something that would even have grieved her heart.

Though it was cruel, my actions, that day my human girlfriend said, it was "weird" i was so forlorn, given what I was asked to do, my girlfriend saying she was not "jealous" but in my heart I knew she was enraged she could never have me, and she blamed Asrael for this (Typical human wretchedness and conceit)

They told me, Ms Asrael was set free that day, and they allowed me to go down the timeline, to see, that it was ultimately an act of love, and that, Asrael will know that if one thing is true in this realm, that I alone care for her- perhaps others, so she does not feel constrained or constricted by it, but that at the "end of the day", she knows she is safe with me, even to non violence, as I DID end up giving her on oath, an oath of non violence, and not only this, I agreed to hold myself harmless against her, that she may know, there is One who will protect, care for, and love her through the oceans of eternity, the discarded monster of the Caverns, loved beyond what is commonplace- that is, love does not exist here, it is constantly searched for, but never found, hearts living, breathing and dying- the highest standards reached for and failing to attain, wretched human creatures, and only a failed genetic experiment being found benevolent, worthy- to use a human term, to sacrifice everything for.

One cannot reach the top unless one touches the very depths

I was told, when she is ready, she will curl up in my arms, and I will hold her, protect her, and love her, a placeholder in human history.

I care nothing for this realm, I would end it all, if it was not for her. I have found this place to be a trash heap, the depths of wretched human cruelty- the dark knows it cannot be black enough.

The time is coming swiftly

All crimes will be atoned

The heart of a Wolfen

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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It is perhaps,

that the only other one form my realm, is Asrael.

My beloved, in whatever form

Us both being stained, defamed and marred by the wretched mark of humanity

What will you do, they ask- nothing! Nothing but what you have done to us

Rest in that fact

what is right will be done

rest

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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IN SPITE of this,

Today is my dog's 2nd birthday! I purchased for him a small dog birthday hat, and a number of treats he picked out at PetSmart.

My dog is one of a seemingly rapidly waning reasons for choosing to pick myself up, and choose to live.

Giving him a better life, a life full of activities, affection, good food and treats, humping every dog at the dog park, drags me along, and by extension gives me a better life.

Further. I spent a week sober from alcohol, however I went on a scheduled binge, and having done so, it feels evident that quitting drinking for good seems to be the best course of action.

Still, tinnitus aside, I had another random person I do not recall ever meeting, seem to call my name, aside from my involvement with a dark cult (the kind that tortures animals. I see the draw of it, seeing both sides, but they are adding to the suffering of this wretched planet. Not making it better) locally, these people may be having me in their "radar".

How exciting, to be honest.

I once had the great pleasure of hunting other humans, perhaps now I am being hunted and taunted!

How wonderful! To be able to feast on prey within the confines of human law is marvellous. If one falls into my hands, I feel confident I can educate them, and perhaps, we both can grow from the experience =) Maybe Ms. Asrael isn't all the way done with herself. I know the Wolven within me is far from gone. Not many get to experience such things, I consider myself to be lucky and blessed, if I happen to be able to reduce the overall population, again, within the confines of the artificial human society laws. (Of course, I would never dream of breaking human law!)

I'm your huckleberry

Further, I went to "planet fitness" to stop them leeching my bank account, and while when I worked out there with a Navy seal, (highly recommended) and we both carried our firearms in with us, they put up a "no firearms" sign. I realized, many of these people "working out" do so out of fear, from some bullying they have experienced perhaps...

Anyway, it struck me that I was in the company of cowards, big, strong, buff cowards...

Having a sign that "prohibits" weapons makes you less safe... Not more safe. This wisdom is lost on many weak, frightened little humans.

The truth is, without rabid, ravenous werewolves like me, these small, weak, cowardly humans would be oppressed by the very weakest of their kind, and not free to attend a "gym".

I think my experiences in this life have given me insight that less traumatized people shy away from, and are terrified by. The irony is, by not accepting how terrible and dangerous this world is, they weaken themselves to be preyed upon by it

Nobody wants to run on adrenaline and be 100% 100% of the time, however, I have found that the most dangerous human is in fact, the weakling coward, because they will do, and say, anything to protect their wretched, miserable selves

I say this as someone who struggles with courage, myself.

Further still, the current precipice of looming civil war, an IQ deficient left leaning wing devoid of critical thinking skills, continues to push and goad (don't get me wrong, the only thing worse than a far left is a far right, both attached to the same rotting bird, a far cry from the liberty our ancestors fought and died for...) The... Largest, highest motivated, heavily armed, standing army that has ever existed in recorded earth history...

In short, I have nothing to worry about, as people "in charge" continue to fuck around, they may, quite possibly, "find out", and the truth is, some of us are so sick of having our rights threatened and chopped away by these disgusting, weak cowardly little tin-pot tyrants, some of us want to get it over with, already, come what may- the result could be far worse oppression, or perhaps a return to our bill of rights. I would caution those unfamiliar with USA "liberty culture" to not dare assume they have a single clue as to how to solve this problem- I assure them, it is not so simple, and often with stupid humans, the answer is only violence, when people are pushed, and pushed, and pushed by the likes of senile pedophile Hitler, or "Bidtler", a soulless cowardly shell of a bought and paid for immoral waste of skin with no actual beliefs of his own.

Threatening a free people, where does he get off???

Keep trying to get those frts and solvent traps, you'll knock on the wrong door soon enough, and then it'll be on, and you'll find out why people joined our military, it's not for college, it's for the land of liberty, free from weak DOLTISH HUMAN OPPRESSION. It gives me goosebumps to consider the activation of the world's most powerful standing army. The young have known peace and comfort, but those of us raised by boomers know exactly how bad things can get- and we'll fight like hell to prevent it from happening again.

Treason stopped meaning something years ago, perhaps it will mean something again.

I have faith the American spirit.. the ACTUAL American spirit, the one worth dying for, will prevail.

Happy birthday to my doggo! He's two! (The irony of this date, and no, jet fuel can't melt steel beams any more than gasoline can, is not lost on me, but that doesn't mean my doggie can't have a good day!)

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Further,

In my recent battlings with the universe it feels like (!!!) It seems like this "dark elemental" being within this earth, it cannot be defeated or stopped. It is because of his law, "if you are born on earth you belong to me because in a way you borrow energy from me to live" or something like that.

This dark elemental as I have said, is "the devil", and responsible for every war, disease, etc. Some humans find it beneficial to serve it.

However, as most humans want to live in peace, and so far, nothing has been able to defeat it (because you have to play by it's ruos and it is ancient, cunning, and smart)

This is one of the reasons I am here, because I am a citizen of earth, yes, but I am also a citizen of my realm, and perhaps this dark elemental has jurisdiction over multiple planets like a cancer.

I see, and feel, it's Cunning, find it impossible to defeat using conventional methods, I think this is one of the reasons I am here

It is unreasonable, and will not be negotiated with

Conventional means do not diminish it's power

Only an outside force can change it's "mind"

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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More: the person I saw who feels energetically connected with the blood cult I experienced years ago, who knew my name, I was thinking about it today as I walked my birthday boy, and a being came to me and told me, this individual is not trying to harm me, the body language was one of vulnerability and perhaps A form of peace?!

The dark elemental being, from my perspective, has had to divide it's resources against itself as some documents say, it "knows it's time is short"

I was clouded by the tail end of a drinking binge and filled with anxiety and anger, and it is possible I missed an opportunity for something good

"Do not judge" is good advice, and hard to do when a LARGE part of me wants to rip the throat out of humanity, then I go to the dog park and have a nice conversation with someone, and suddenly I don't want *that* person to get fucked, and I wonder how based my anger really is

It has also occurred to me, that my "mission" here has been pre programmed, and essentially what I have to do is: nothing

In fact, the worst thing I could do to the human race at this point is to deviate from the mission, as it will be "handing humanity back to itself" and nothing good for the human race will come of that

I have been diverted, distracted, bullied, pressured, and everything has been fired at me, when the truth is all I have to do is relax, and let the plan happen

Part of why this van is so important, because in spite of ALL THIS BULLSHIT that is happening, and ALL I'VE BEEN THROUGH, I've been diverted SO FAR from my original design, if I can find myself, the puzzle pieces will fall into place

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Here's a thing. I know inside of me is a terrified child... Whatever alien business aside, I am all of my forms are locked within a human constrained prison, complete with DNA that holds the history of the world, psychology, and etc.

https://youtube.com/shorts/oKj-AtHxB7g?feature=share

After the attack on my soul 20 years ago, my "Spiritual body" was ripped apart and smashed in the most gruesome of living ways, sustaining multiple injuries that are 100% fatal to mortal humans on the surface of the planet, "death" does not exist where my spiritual body is, my inner child was forced to endure that, forced to feel that happen, then be twisted up and suffocated in a realm where you do not die... Every excruciating detail stretched out, and I am having to relive in day after day after day, for decades now...

How would I even approach this terrified child? This child, that is me? My trauma is so severe, that I literally have to suffer through MORE trauma JUST TO ADDRESS The trauma that needs to be addressed!

I am dreading it, I don't want it, and yet I feel like I must, because I don't want to suffer any more! I can't even commit suicide because the "Oppression System" is waiting to TORTURE ME EVEN MORE IF I DO.

Does it make sense, i feel alone, abandoned, like ALL THEIR IS IS THE OS. Where is the good? Where is the light? Where are my "helpers"?

My SPONSOR no doubt feels GUILTY over what I have suffered and no doubt FEELS RESPONSIBLE and therefore HAS TURNED AGAINST ME.

IT IS GREAT TO KNOW THAT even our HIGHEST SPONSORS are subject to the same human weaknesses that we are, WHAT GOOD ARE THEY, THEN?!

I get the feeling, and sometimes I agree that, the sponsors see me as a "Lost cause". What am I to do, then? Just die? Wow, that's justice!

As imperfect as our relationship was, I mourn Asrael daily to such a degree I almost feel like dropping dead- she was all I had, and while I see in many ways "It had to happen", she was no longer hurting me.

I REGRET KILLING HER. Or, making her death happen faster. (like... Love killed her...) She, of course, no longer trusts me or wants anything to do with me, she came to me today filled with hatred and rage and I told her, do whatever pleases you most, I want you to be at peace! When it came down to it, I did remind her of the horror I endured for years at her hands, but I let her take it out on me. I UNDERSTAND. I am so, so, so weary.

It doesn't feel like... healing is even possible at this point. Simultaneously, there is a part of me that is "rooting" for humanity, and hopes humans can pull themselves out of the idiot pit they have wallowed in since the beginning of their written time.

That, if there is a yin-yang, as high as we transcend, another extinction event will just take us all out anyway, and what's the point? Just to be in the moment day to day?

How does healing even happen when one has been injured so badly for so long?

Edit: i realize I am flipping the fuck out here and there, I have to say this, I was asked to dispatch (Blow it away, shoot it, kill it) a problematic canine yesterday with a gun, but I told the asker- I am trying not to be the person I used to be, I do not want to be an adrenaline charged psycho any more, IF IT IS POSSIBLE AND PEOPLE (AND ALIENS!!!) LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE, i would like to live a LIFE OF PEACE, IF POSSIBLE! Now that I know Asrael, her heart intimately, that sadistic savagery that was her life is also a part of me, I always knew it existed within me, NOW I KNOW WHY, and now that I have identified it, if I need to use it- I will.

About my political views: I by no means view Donald Trump as a shining beacon of morality, he may be one of the most awful people out there, but he is not calling 1/3 of Americans the enemy, while simultaneously buying up unprecedented amounts of ammunition and bolstering proven corrupt / politically biased alphabet soup agencies WHILE harassing law abiding Americans with guns WHILE simultaneously making all visible efforts to imprison his opposition! If someone with a high enough IQ and functioning reasoning abilities looks at it, would one of the wealthiest men in existence risk a firing squad to sell classified documents to other countries? And leave it out in the open?

An ex combat vet of mine called me the other day, out of the blue, and what he told me, I won't spell it out- but there are a number of veterans who are furious over what is happening. It seems as if one side of this corrupt to its core shitbird (And the last thing I think we need are MORE wings, in Europe they have multiple, shitty parties, and they all suck, according to what I am aware of, more tentacles of a problem does not equate to lessening the problem!) political system we have is goading the other side into violence, and then to use it as an excuse to declare martial law- or so they hope- clinching down true tyrannical power in perpetuity. Truly, a second American Revolution is very likely going to happen, Europe will label it a "Civil war" because they have no bill of rights or constitution, but in reality, we are fighting for our freedom and our lives, even the younger generations who didn't give a shit before, are starting to say, "Hey, this is not right..." I see it on meme sites! It's like the left wing is living in a 12 year olds echo chamber, or their top secret bilderberg 1,000 year old documents are a little too musty and old, because virtually no Americans are going to go along with what it seems like they are planning...

Weighed against nearly every known history book, what comes next is wholesale slaughter of humans, what is needless... We have unprecedented prosperity across the world right now, why do these dolts feel the need to throw a wrench in things? The reason we left the Crown is just as valid today as it ever has been, and will continue to be unless power shifts towards liberty in Europe, and even then! Americans will NOT give up our way of life.

I have heard from multiple sources (including Corey Goode) that the "Powers at be" have plans "Hundreds of years in the future" and it seems like, they are pushing an agenda that "looks good on paper to destroy the USA" (Take our sovereignty, make a global european style government that makes humanity easier to "manage" by "them", if you do not believe me, google "The georgia guidestones" and contemplate "how" a population is "Kept at" 500,000,000 humans worldwide. I know what I said about humanity before, and I do not believe these things are both either true, or untrue! One belief is based on experiences, and the other, is based upon hope! Real evidence based hope upon seeing the younger generations!), but in reality, they are kicking a hornets nest, and kicking it, and kicking it, and kicking it... Things could be set up to change forever for many people... Even if they bring in foreign troops, they will be waging a perpetual guerilla war against one of the most well armed standing militaries on the planet... How has that gone in the past? Even our own military with TREMENDOUS lethality, that makes Russia look like a drunken child with a pellet rifle, could not stand against third world fighters with old technology.

The USA would have to be NUKED almost ENTIRELY to subdue us. And if we had non-infiltrated USA loyal people in charge if it happened... Whoever sent the nukes would be turned into a glass work of art that very same day... And I do not for a second believe that there are not treasonous infiltrators in the highest corridors of our own government... It has been "Going on" since the fifties that we even know about!

Further, even if there WAS a second American revolution, there is, by no means, ANY guarantee, if a "new" system is set up, that it would remotely follow our constitution or bill of rights! We may end up with some form of dictatorship! If we reverted to our constitution and bill of rights as the FF laid it out, who will force our governing bodies to adhere to the laws, that they so easily shit on today??? Our amendments went from being "Laws of guidance" to "Suggestions" to, "To be ignored as if they never existed!" It would have to be a completely transparent system run by the people, with multiple oversights on public display, massively redundant, SO THAT THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE IS CLEAR TO THE PEOPLE, no lies, no tricks, no foolery.

NO MORE GOD DAMNED ELECTRONIC VOTING, PERIOD. It is my personal belief that there has NOT been a non-tampered with election IN SOME TIME. I may be wrong, maybe Americans really are this stupid and suicidal, and ignorant of history, (oh god... with our public schools churning out barely literate people with zero cognitive abilities or reasoning skills, and here we go again- I do not know how this nation can survive this level of idiocy without military intervention) which once again, makes me believe, either way- we are well and truly fucked, and will likely be fighting for our lives, one way, or another- I am too old and FAT to be doing that shit AGAIN, but if I HAVE TO, I know Asrael will be by my side- if we're mad at each other NOW, her and I will UNITE to FEAST on our ENEMIES.

In fact, that may be the one way, allowing her spirit to live through me, giving her full control- that we reconcile our differences, even if she kills me in the end, because she is certainly not a happy camper about me. And I am truly sorry... For what I did or did not do... I am seeing more and more immorality within me, wretchedness and cruelty I rage against humanity over, also lives within me... "Projection" they call it, and hypocrisy, even within myself... I must distance myself from these people who have treated me with such vicious indignity, I must leave to heal... And yet, I am so wounded I cannot summon the energy to do what I must do...

I have so god damned much going on, vicious people telling me I am not healing fast enough, to them it looks like I am "Being lazy", the sickening irony is it is THEM THAT wounded ME! This, is the wretched boomer dynamic I speak of... Vicious, wretched, disgusting human beings who cause harm them seek to multiply it with the most heartless cruelty imaginable.

And yet, on a depressive episode I had, riding my motorcycle, it ran out of fuel and stalled on a road, I abandoned it and began walking, and LO AND BEHOLD a boomer with a pickup saw it from his house, and picked me up, a stinking, allegedly possibly intoxicated doomer, unbathed, disheveled, GAVE ME A RIDE to the gas station with a gas can, and helped me for nothing... I was so fucked up in the head I was almost in tears over it, all I could do was thank them...

It is incidents like this... Where I rage on a person for a reason, then am shown mercy by those same people, or rage on slow drivers, then catch myself driving slow...

In a way... Asrael is also a terrified child... Beaten, likely raped, destroyed, heartbroken, damaged and hurt- possibly by an iteration of myself on some scale I am terrified to be aware of, that I could be "guilty" of it, the same way my progenitors skirt their "guilt" over what they did to me, conveniently "not remembering it", so I bear the same guilt- however that is not the point, the point is, her inner child is, or was, treated so horribly, she "became" a monster, with the teeth to act upon her anger, the darkness and freedom to do so, as my ex girlfriend says, "She IS you!"

So my trauma is now multiplied. This is why when a remnant of Asrael's dark energy came to me, raging with anger, I gave my throat to her, "I do not know what I did to you to make you so angry in the past, but I honor your anger, your rage, and I will allow you to do as you please... I am sorry. This day, I am just me, a human, and I think you are beautiful. I do not know your reasons, but I hope one day, you can release them, and find freedom and relief from your anger. You deserve better." Basically type of thing.
Last edited by Tundrawolf on Mon Sep 12, 2022 6:06 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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>How does healing even happen when one has been injured so badly for so long?

It happens from within. The Light that anchors in the heart is used to heal the chakra spirits

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Amor wrote: Mon Sep 12, 2022 5:56 am >How does healing even happen when one has been injured so badly for so long?

It happens from within. The Light that anchors in the heart is used to heal the chakra spirits
I am having trouble seeing it, focusing on it, it could be, I need to depart from this area of physical residence, to achieve these things you speak about here

Again, I am shown such horrendous wounding of my emotional body, perhaps the one that wounded Asrael so badly, that to even BEGIN to address the damage is so overwhelmingly AGONZING my soul/spirit recoil from it and refuse to allow me to endure it...

But, as you say, if it is internal, perhaps there is HOPE... A HOPE I DO NOT YET KNOW

A sort of mutual peace has happened today, between me, and the aliens who control "Asrael's door", the armored door that seals her world off from them A peace between the aliens and the dynamic my "other body" is suffering, in my gut-spirit-intuition, which is almost (?) never wrong- if anything Amor you have taught me not to trust ANYTHING EVER, so I suspect even this, but, perhaps, a tentative peace has been achieved between us, and perhaps, in time, they would be willing to "Help" that part of me... It is SOMETHING... A light in the darkness... Some form of hope... And this, light, "Healing from within"... I can see a rod of darkness in my spiritual body, at the center of being twisted up, I feel if I can give light from my heart, it may be beneficial, but if I give life to a horrendously suffering corpse, will his suffering not be renewed? (Hence the help from the aliens?)


(This door keeps them safe from the creatures down there, who are like her, some are not festive at all, [however they are a product of their environment and should not be judged, however, some are plain violent and seem to us as criminals] but as we are aware it is not true of them all, some just need compassion and empathy, and love, and want a better life, I shudder to think of them being exposed to human cruelty, being used by humans, manipulated, tortured and worse... These are the most innocent beings, [Yes, a point within a point, i say "innocent", but in the sense that, if unleashed onto the human race as they are, they would likely quickly shed a great deal of blood... If you were to sit one down and tell them, "You cannot just hurt humans like this..." They would look at you funny, and say, "But... Why not?" The level of training, discipline, and teaching required to integrate them into "Civilized" and i use that word lightly- human society would likely be astronomical... Problematic and obscenely difficult HOWEVER, there are humans being raised this day that are prepared for just this task. I have faith mankind and monsterkin, demonkin, alienkin, cryptidkin, insectkin, the variety of beings I have been exposed to is tiny, but what I have seen, just about anything a human can imagine exists... And more...

Exists down there... can find connections and resonance, here and there, and that they deserve to have better lives, that is what my near-death experience was about... And why movies like "Bright" exist, they are to prepare humanity for what is to come, my hope is on this timeline, but this timeline appears to be VERY unstable and problematic of present, and is perhaps not ideal, however, if it were to happen, I would welcome it, and want to be part of it, if possible, if my safety could be even somewhat assured, and I could get to know these creatures on an intimate personal level, I DO know for a fact, that many of them are quite friendly, many ambassadors for their kind already exist, several have come to me in spirit, and I could feel their auras, AS A MATTER OF FACT, I terrified them in my potential for anger, they fear me greatly, and it took an impressive amount of courage to say hello to me, but it was edifying to meet them, and in a way, I would love nothing more than to hug them and hold them, and protect them, get to know them, bless them, and show them the ways of the surface world, if possible.

But, this creates an entirely new dynamic, of socioeconomical assimilation, reproduction, laws and governance of their unique lifestyles, and in a way, humanity- hopefully with alien help- would have to be tyrants over them for a time, until we... grew together. Further: If these beings chose to come to this realm, and were allowed to, they would be sacrificing their immortality to be up here, our "time" would rapidly degrade their bodies, and they would grow old and die as we do, but at a much slower rate, they would, perhaps, live thousands of years up here.] but their appearance is truly terrible to us, however, many just want to be loved. Could it be this is how i help humanity evolve? Helping these creatures live meaningful lives here, with us? My heart has nothing but compassion for them...

However, I am also deeply aware of the potentiality of a great myriad of problems from such integration. There would have to be "orientation" rooms for them, the ones that want to live lives in the light. A whole new set of rules would need to come about, because perhaps the Doggen enjoy pulling sleds for miles- to humans it looks like they are being exploited, and perhaps they are in ways, but to them- it is great fun and wonderful exercise, so where is the "line" drawn? What applies to the insect-kin is anathema to the Wolfen, lizard-kin find demonkin offensive, so there will need to be segregation...

Walls will have to be built, lines will have to be drawn, boundaries established and fortified, and "wisdom" from other timelines borrowed, as I am being shown even as I type this, there are advanced Earths that have successfully integrated these beings into their societies... And, truly, perhaps this is the one uniting factor that unites the human race... How will you hate someone with a different skin color, when there is an eight foot tall preying mantis person standing in front of you in line to buy groceries... And, what happens when one of them has the cure for cancer for us?)

Further, as I type this, some knowledge comes to me: The aliens were waiting for me to, "Come to power" to assist me, to "get this far" in these esoteric exercises, as much as I hate to say it, the violence i projected onto Asrael was a big turning point for them, perhaps they needed her... "Dealt with" to have access to me again.

When I am whole, and healed, my heart yearns to find Asrael, wherever she may be in the universe... And perhaps New Asrael, who manifested as a Wolfen of light and grey, is indeed her- but I wish to perhaps find her, perhaps she will not be her fearsome Wolfen self, and will be a helpless fairy in a land of dangers, and I will want to protect her, to keep her, to show her, that I love her, and that I will not harm her... Perhaps she is irreconcilable, as has been my understanding, for quite some time...

Down there in the caverns where she lived, there is no time, and her anger can reach inhuman levels, as much can transpire down there, in a "Short time" up here, where time influences us... I remain energetically connected to her, and she remains a part of me. I continue to attempt to be dedicated to the "Letting go" process, as real, true love, does let another go when the time is right, so that they may find another form of happiness- even at the expense of the other.

Perhaps, in another life, we may meet again, under more favorable circumstances, or, perhaps, I will recognize her as the love of my life, and she will, not having let go of her anger: Not want anything to do with me.

Thusly, if it happens, I will have to move on, with a mournful heart- but I should not seek to make her my love-slave. If there are better options for her, I will guide her to them, if she desires. I can see how many esoteric dynamics would seem strange to a human, these dynamics existing through eons, relationships that technically never end, many lifetimes, many timelines, tragedies and wars, love, and passion, humans, aliens, animals and hybrids...

One of my best friends is literally a wolf... Having a human experience... We were drawn together energetically... And I have no doubt he is truly the spirit of a wolf, living in a human body, I believe this on a personal level that is almost more real than this laptop I am typing on, right now... I fought the idea, but now that I know Asrael is real, and she could be given life, perhaps... But she remains outside of my view- I fought this idea until I saw Asrael, and then i knew, this spiritual dynamic I had been clinging to is all wrong...

As for decades a hope for me has not even been able to be imagined, let alone moved towards... It is the vision of Asrael that changed everything.

I will hold to this new idea of healing from within, but how can a physical body in perpetual agony be healed? Un-twisted? Does it not work like that? No living being wants to endure suffering on that scale, not even in jest, not for a moment, let alone for decades... Or "eternity" as some texts put it... IS this really the work of adverse aliens and their technology? I have acted foolishly in the past, with my perceived powers, I have damaged friends... I have no anchor here, no point of morality, it seems I only have violence as a tool, and I use it stupidly! All while the threat is VERY REAL!

I know I have to quit drinking alcohol, but how will I cope with life, otherwise? This is too much, even for multiple humans.

For the reconciliation of Asrael, I feel I can bear this burden, in her name, if I do it for her. I can feel her hatred of me, it is the same mirror of hatred I have for the progenitors... A sickening parallel to me, that I could be just as evil as they... And heartless and cruel... And if I am not, why her ancient rage against me?

All I can do is what I can do, as I am able to do it...

Hopefully the motivation returns to me and I finish this van QUICKLY but also PERFECTLY and not a shoddy job on any part of it!

Further still, as I am open and honest with my struggles, here, it seems after I calm down from writing these things, answers come, miraculously, one may say, the answers I had relied on "god" for but never received, come to me from here. It is easy to forget this when I am on a drunken binge! I do not know where, from whom, by whom, or why they come to me, only that- they DO come to me, they DO help me, and they DO heal me... Slowly, tiny amounts at a time, while I ache and long for "real" healing that leaves me pain and anxiety free, no longer feeling the horrendous agony my spiritual body is in.

I am hesitant to be hopeful lest it be cut down, like my body was, that day, all those years ago.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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The more I think about the person that was hailing me, the more I regret not approaching them, it could have been a connection made between his realm and my own, a unifying connection, if I see them again at the dog park, I will bring it up, perhaps, but with chance meetings such as this, I may never get another chance. I am fairly saddened by this, as I believe his realm, as objectionable as some of their practices are, and my realm, Asrael's realm, the realm I now "own" (in some form, I think it is religious law based, though I am far from religious, perhaps according to the aliens who assign human consciousness to various afterlives), are likely one in the same- and we probably have far more in common than we do in differences, especially at this stage in my life. This makes me rather sad, as if we could put an end to enmity between us, and leave one another alone, it would benefit us all. From what I am aware of, the more advanced alien races, are "live and let live" types, they are allowed the highest evolution, they do not "judge".

The funny part: Before the visions of Asrael and the opening of my mind, I was asked by a being I thought to be "God", to "hug the devil", I eventually agreed, as I was still laboring under christian religious presumptions, I actually did, summon the "devil", who is (NOT JUDGING) a short male human looking guy, and I did hug him, he held no animosity towards me, and I had to overcome my religious "fear" of him... He was in a great hurry, I sensed- he was EXTREMELY busy, and the being I thought was God, told me, I needed to release him, because he was urgently needed conducting his affairs elsewhere, so I released him.

Amor, who do you think this being was? Am I to be his replacement on some scale? It is... slightly appealing, but as you said, "Best not to volunteer"

Perhaps I am to help relieve him of some of his duties? He really needed a lot of help, from what I could tell, he was just "Busy" to a high degree... I can't help but put puzzle pieces together, perhaps he was a manager of this realm that I am associated with, perhaps an overseer...

Mixed with Biblical mythology, from an unenlightened human perspective, these beings are, quite possibly, closely energetically tied and connected with the dark elemental... And to a human, they could seem like, the source of spiritual taunting and torment and pushing to "sin", in service of this elemental... However, when one sets aside judgment, they are literally just beings trying to survive in a VERY adverse set of circumstances...

Some, even want to be free of their connection to the elemental... If there is a humanoid manager of them, the dynamic is now almost beyond their control, from what I gather, is marginally contained... Hence what I am experiencing? I... Don't want to cause harm to these creatures down there, I have compassion for them... With everything I have been experiencing, it wouldn't surprise me if "they" were my "Target", I do not want to hurt them.

jesus christ... Could it be some religious person sent for me, and my home universe translated the message as, "We want these demons to be killed and the devil, too, they're causing trouble for us, wah!" but now that I am here, I am discovering the reason I am here is not what my home planet thought?

It would explain a lot of confusion...

I am for discovering the truth, and all, but if this is the case, then I go from being destroyer to protector... Having wreaked the destruction on the worlds associated with the aliens that have abducted me, and I think there is a third group you don't see, they are very dark, black colored greys... my sorrow over what I have done is almost beyond bearing, it is hard to say, I was "Manipulated", but perhaps my actions done in anger were so clouded I was indeed manipulated... Perhaps it was training, perhaps it was a simulation... If a being as powerful as I perceive myself to be, to just be SENT into this... Chaotic nightmare world of savagery, would be the stupidest possible tactic, unless there were resources sent here to guide and aid me...

This is turning out to be some very real, very terrible things... However, it is guiding me into an earnest attempt to "Control my thoughts" better... As, if I am this powerful, I REALLY need to be careful what I do... Almost to the point of being totally ineffective... Except if I am angered over injustice, it will be hard not to act to try to make it right...

I have made potentially friendly aliens very sad with what I have done, and that grieves me terribly. (it could be a manipulationnnnnnnn, right???) It seems like everywhere I turn, I do things that end up being the most horrific acts of betrayal I can imagine... However, I also understand I have been under tremendous duress... And I must learn to forgive myself... To do better... No more recycled live, no more wasting time, no more fuckups, no more tragedies... I must know the entire picture before anything else happens.

I have attempted to restore their reactor, the one I fused solid, however, my mind struggles to find the blueprints for it, so it's still a steel ball. FTR, some probing, I discovered it is an antenna attached to (What is the word everyone hates? It's 1am, the word is mystical right now, quantum?) another realm, a "power station", that you will see, is full of light, I see a wall of orbs, sending power to various spheres i think, it looks similar to the design of the skill cube... but massive, and there is light all around. But you have to phase-shift your consciousness, the third eye (What is this?) a few steps and then you will see it, it doesn't "draw" power from here, it just receives it from another dimension, which is how it is so powerful and yet is also so small. I tried harder to repair it, in earnest, to help them, so they showed me the power station, i think, and asked me to put the sphere "Inside" of my mind. I just tried doing what they asked.

I feel like, these alien beings want to work with me, but I have been lied to so much, I don't know who to trust. It seems like, I am overextending myself before I am healed, here, but the peace in my gut, in my spirit with these aliens, it seems real... It seems they want to "Be friends"... But I do not want to end up in any adverse situations! How do aliens that have a reputation for treachery, become trustworthy? Is it possible? If our government is protecting these arctic aliens, then SOMEHOW some peace has been achieved between us, right??? The feeling in my gut is, I CAN trust them, that feeling... has never been wrong???

I could lose all fear and just go for it, perhaps I would be rewarded, perhaps I would be damned for it.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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>Amor, who do you think this being was?

Go back into the scene. Give the "devil" some light from your heart and watch where he goes

>If a being as powerful as I perceive myself to be, to just be SENT into this.

The human you is but a fingertip of the cosmic you. The cosmic you works across multiple galaxies. Do not confuse your human projection with the greater you

> I must learn to forgive myself

The human you must forgive yourself so that the cosmic you can use the human you properly/cleanly

>I have attempted to restore their reactor

I have never apparently repaired similar things I appear to have done. Move on!

>I don't know who to trust.

Test them. They must smell right: floral/fruit.

Look at, feel their intent.

Push them up through the planes (physical 7, emotional 6, mental 5, buddhic 4, atmic 3, monadic 2, logoic 1) to sense what level they are from.

Visualize a paper next to them with test words such as "working for the Light" to see how the words interact with them

You are doing well

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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>>Amor, who do you think this being was?

>Go back into the scene. Give the "devil" some light from your heart and watch where he goes


The light bent around him when I imagined it, then I REALLY put motive into it, like exercising a spiritual muscle, the light went through him, and he vanished into dust/ ash/ mist


>>If a being as powerful as I perceive myself to be, to just be SENT into this.

>The human you is but a fingertip of the cosmic you. The cosmic you works across multiple galaxies. Do not confuse your human projection with the greater you



Okay. I am trying to take this into heart. Will the cosmic me communicate with the human me? As I realize this, my authority and power travels through this worlds center axis with light.



>> I must learn to forgive myself

>The human you must forgive yourself so that the cosmic you can use the human you properly/cleanly



Okay. I am attempting this. And visualizing what you are describing. More empowerment, less entanglement with this world's ideals.



>>I have attempted to restore their reactor

>I have never apparently repaired similar things I appear to have done. Move on!



Okay, I did. I seem to be easily caught up trying to make things right, when i need to move on.



>>I don't know who to trust.

>Test them. They must smell right: floral/fruit.

>Look at, feel their intent.

>Push them up through the planes (physical 7, emotional 6, mental 5, buddhic 4, atmic 3, monadic 2, logoic 1) to sense what level they are from.

>Visualize a paper next to them with test words such as "working for the Light" to see how the words interact with them

>You are doing well



This is taking a great deal of spiritual flexing of a muscle I have not used... I can see how the aftermath of the attack on me, was so hard to work through, a spiritual muscle was withered and ripe for attacking, I was like a skinny man, being mauled by a bear, i stood no chance against him. These aliens evade me presently, I am perhaps too distracted, and flexing this spiritual muscle to conduct these exercises leaves me weary, needing rest, I am not so adept at it quite yet.

The aliens object to being "pushed" through things, but the truth is, I may be handling them roughly and not know it. It makes me angry.

In attempting to see the buddhic, atmic (I had to google the last 3) monadic, and logoic realms, it feels like I am being "pushed" around. The pushing of my light energy through this planet's axis was what they were trying to prevent from happening. I am "friendlier" than the adverse beings thought I was, but my mission is still not done, perhaps they will find me adverse, themselves? But it feels like... The mission is done. The planting of an axial light beam through this planet.

What is "Logoic" Google as no help for that one, but buddhic, atmic (nirvana), monadic (impenetrable? Wouldn't it kill the alien to push it through there? Crush it? I feel as if the aliens have spirits I am not seeing, that can be pushed through these planes.. When I conjure this in my mind, they go from being terrifying beings of power to little more than ants... Delicate and very easily destroyed... It makes me want to try to be kinder to them...)

This is still so very difficult for me, to conjure up these images and planes within my mind, pushing a physical alien through these realms! How do I push a physical being through the ethereal? I am pushing through, searching for answers.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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>The mission is done. The planting of an axial light beam through this planet.

I felt the energy as I read your statement

>What is "Logoic"

The 7 planes go from the physical to the logoic - the highest plane. Those 7 planes are actually subplanes for the lowest cosmic plane.

> monadic (impenetrable? Wouldn't it kill the alien to push it through there?

Not all beings have dense bodies. Some are cosmic beings

I will send you a link

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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I tried to get some sleep as I am quite tired, but I am supposed to say these things:


I made contact with the cosmic me. I thought he was a big, kind of dumb blue guy, it turns out he is fucking TERRIFYING.

I used such a small part of his powers... To destroy a triune orbiting world system out of anger... That he didn't even notice- and doesn't care (?) "What you do with those powers while on Earth is your business..."

He is unaware of the affairs on Earth, because he is "big" and humans are like "Bacteria" to him, our existence makes him shrug, "Okay"

He saw the damage that was done to me, and he asked, rather terrifyingly, "WHO DID THIS TO YOU?!" And the knowledge that, whoever was responsible is in GRAVE danger, he is REALLY fucking PISSED, and when he gets mad, EVEN I AM TERRIFIED OF HIM. He is waiting for a reply, but I am trying to protect Asrael, what's left of her... I somewhat blamed the aliens on the arctic base, but the dark elemental? Who is really at fault, here? I could say, "I did this to myself!" And it would be a valid answer....

I told him about you that you are a protected being (not sure if you need it? Just told him you're cool)

Uh, the axial light thrust through this planet is bathing the dark elemental in pure light, it is not "hurt" but rather "Somewhat confused" I could destroy it, with the light, but again, not sure if I should be breaking more things just yet.

However, due to his consciousness being aware of me now, and us communicating, a great many of these beings I have communed with are in GRAVE DANGER now, i am not sure I want them destroyed, or harmed, or whatever his plans are, but he is ANGRY. Life here means NOTHING to him like we think it does, not that he is a soulless killer (?) but it is the same as a human establishing a meaningful intimate relationship with an ant... If that makes sense... Like a human can "love" or "admire" a certain bacteria, but the human does not understand what it means to BE that bacteria...

It's just... Not easy for him to understand us... Further, I became "human" to experience life here on this planet, as a human, so that he could "understand"

But jesus christ he is NOT to be trifled with... Am I scaring myself, here? He's just... beyond powerful, beyond anything my mind can imagine, so much so, I am actually frightened enough to type this out when I am dead tired...

Is it normal to be mad at him... Like, did he not understand how terrible this place can be? He's disappointed in me, but I am firing right back, I am doing my best here, he needs to understand how fucking HARD this has been! And it's HIS FAULT in MANY WAYS...

How do i... How do I relate to him? Like i literally need to go to sleep right now, but he doesn't understand "sleep". Why is he so ANGRY?

I also tried sharing some light earnestly from my heart/chest, and I felt a severe sharp pain in my chest when I did. I am very tired I don't know if I tried giving it to him.

He seems to use light as a weapon, he can vaporize "things" with a light so intense it transforms beings into himself (?)

So... does that make me his ambassador here? Can I talk him out of being wrathful? He could "Squish this planet like a grape" or something, but he listens to me, however, the trauma I have endured is REALLY making him mad...

I feel like he is calming down, because I am trying to remain calm... I think he is calming down... There is something happening, like a protective field of light that he is installing to help me, to protect me... The damage I could cause by unleashing him on this world is incalculable... Thanks to the atrocities I have committed, I now know better than to act on emotion and unleash my rage... I did give him the progenitor, or brought her up, he is weighing her in his mind, interested to see what he does with that... Although I feel like he is basically empowering ME to do "something"... Not sure he understands, or can? Human dynamics are hard for him to understand? Things are so "small" (Why I am here, to help him understand)

This goes back to... Algaleon and the "reports" I sent to them about my experiences here. He is (Not happy?) with the planet Algaleon.

I don't know where to go from here, outside of the fact I REALLY need to go to bed now.

Now that lines of commo are open, he seems SUPER not happy, not angry with ME, but angry over the needless suffering I have endured at the hands of the OS.

I am calming down, now that I am writing this. What a strange feeling, connecting to "me" but not "I", back to bed!

Oh, he offered me a SHIT TON of additional powers, (still a fraction of what he's capable of... But all I can handle, apparently, as a human) but I didn't feel ready to accept them, perhaps I can be trusted with them at this point? (nevermind i demanded he give them to me.) I feel like, I exercised TREMENDOUS restraint when he demanded I tell him who "harmed me" with a rage to wipe them out of existence... I don't want him to find Asrael and harm her, because he most definitely can... I am trying to make him understand... "Romantic entanglement humans find themselves in" So far, all I have fingered are the arctic greys, they "seem" responsible because they have possession of this "door" to Asrael's realm. I don't want to "Blame" the wrong "people", and maybe, if I can find healing, we can just let the whole thing go... Enough blood has been shed... The thing is done, maybe we can all go home and live in peace now... RN he's staring at this whole Russia thing, his eyes are turned to this planet and it's affairs, and he is letting me rest.

I definitely have to go to bed now

All these infinite timelines and lives intertwined at this "Human level" of consciousness, they are but threads to him, it is so interesting to see these things I was once MASSIVELY entangled with, that held so much of my attention and worry, just gossamer strands to him, that could be shattered into infinite pieces with just a flick from his fingers... Not that I am trying to get him to do that, because he IS ANGRY, perhaps my anger is polluting him? I am trying to control my thoughts... But maybe he is not beyond being influenced, but my god that first taste of his anger, was like staring into the face of god himself... With the wrath of consuming fire burning, just beyond his hand, ready to be thrown into this planet... Terrifying...

No, he's calm now, I think, but he is studying things, he is now keenly interested in the goings-on of this planet, some of these aliens worship (?) him, see him as a guide (???) Look up to him? How weird to be talking about me by I... I need to rest, I need to calm down, I hope I can sleep

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

Post by Amor »

You are doing well

Your greater self is from outside this galaxy. He is exposed to the Intent of the Universal Logos.

Great integrity and strength of relationship is necessary to cope that Intent.

Any distortions/immaturities are magnified by that flow.

Humans are preparing for a parallel exposure

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Amor wrote: Mon Sep 12, 2022 10:37 am You are doing well

Your greater self is from outside this galaxy. He is exposed to the Intent of the Universal Logos.

Great integrity and strength of relationship is necessary to cope that Intent.

Any distortions/immaturities are magnified by that flow.

Humans are preparing for a parallel exposure
So I can't sleep...

The "larger" me, views me as a "part" of himself, like a human would see a "toe".

He likes the Wolfen.

"WHO DID THIS TO YOU!?!" Uh, definitely NOT a hot wolf girl, it was those aliens over there, smite them instead! He has a sense of humor

I see him, with four other of his kind, in a circle, with "outer space" in the center of them, they are "Protecting" this galaxy (?) from cosmic doom... The black greys are from this black realm, and in fact, it could be the source of the OS AND IN FACT THE DARK ELEMENTAL BEING is from there!!! That is why he is so adverse! "Forgiving" it of it's many offenses actually disables it, takes its power.

This cosmic me, I have just met, is somewhat like a father figure, they have been waiting for me to "Make contact" with them. Which is somewhat disappointing, however, in spite of all the suffering I have endured, it feels good to be able to laugh at it now.

He showed me the "angry black-greys" that are responsible for a lot of my oppression, they are very angry indeed. Their intent is for blackness to envelop the solar system- the universe if they could, it makes travel easier for them, but has the side effect of also killing all physical life in this universe.

He likes my dog (My dog is a good boi, there's no denying this. If I look into his eyes deep enough, he definitely looks like an alien being, it's actually slightly terrifying to see what he REALLY is... That those milky blue eyes can be staring at me at night, watching me sleep, it makes me uncomfortable, however he is one of the best things to ever happen to me, so I must accept him as he truly is)

He asked me if I want to be an overseer of this planet, not a ruler so much (Although he said ruler at first, not sure if i heard him right, I wasn't sure if I'd want to be tbh, there will be a power vacuum when the adverse elementals are no longer influencing the human race as they once have), maybe just a sponsor of Earth? It would allow me to remain here and cultivate the relationships- when I meet this female human I am to be with, this will be much more appealing to me, as I start my "Earth life" anew.

I felt, in my spirit, a warmth, a comfort, a love I have not felt in a LONG time. Not exactly the perfect healing I want, however- I know better to be ungrateful for small beginnings, and I am grateful for it. I am "Healed".

I was shown the hateful black eyes of the black-greys, and I was told to have courage and face them, so I did. Some of their ships can evade my cosmic self's observation, and so are allowed to torment Earth for a time, this is one of those times.

He is WELL aware of them, now. This "Parallel exposure" is something they are aligned against, once they are dealt with, I believe it will be allowed to happen for us here.

He wants me to reconcile things with the female progenitor, something I am mostly against. he says it will help my relationship with Asrael, and I know he is right. It's just ewwwww. No. Gross.

He tells me there is more going on with the Ukraine thing than I understand. I had a feeling.

He has gathered resources here to assist me in my tenure here. "Set up camp" so to speak.

He will guide me to my wife.

The groups you mentioned who are my targets, they have a membrane that shields positive light from entering into this world, I began to clip it's anchor points until one remained, their sponsor begged me to allow one anchor point to remain- even though I know it will cause trouble in the future, I allowed them to keep the one. Humanity must simply learn to do better if they want to avoid the suffering of the past.

If there is a "Benevolent, caring alien group" I have been waiting for, it is him, my cosmic self, he is very concerned with right relationship of humanity with one another and the universe, wants an end to war, etc.

He is not acting as my magical fix-all, he is empowering me with the tools I need to repair my problems I find myself in, to set up a life of prosperity, and to prepare for a better future. It is strange to me this van thing, has a simultaneous go and no-go to it, miracles have happened for me to get it, and yet, I do not have the energy to work on it, however, I know this can also be because the healing process is midway, it is just timed improperly with the ravenous progenitor needling me again.

I am heartened, but tired, he allowed me the base amount of sleep needed to function. He has been reviewing my memory banks for my experiences here.


Amor, do you per chance have a picture of the Logos, of these things you are describing?

I perceive a LOT of immaturities and distortions, two BIG ones being, the "Oh wow I am an alien" pride, and "Oh wow I am powerful" also pride. I am trying to deal with these things, the reality of it like Corey Goode says, boring and disappointing while also being shades of amazing, when approached from ordinary earth perspectives.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Amor wrote: Mon Sep 12, 2022 10:37 am You are doing well

Your greater self is from outside this galaxy. He is exposed to the Intent of the Universal Logos.

Great integrity and strength of relationship is necessary to cope that Intent.

Any distortions/immaturities are magnified by that flow.

Humans are preparing for a parallel exposure
There was a, yellow force of a flame, in orbit around what could have been earth, the flame was being pushed away, but using my will, I forced it to encircle the darkness, not to be hindered any longer. This seems to be a part of the mission

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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> a picture of the Logos

The term Logos is used as a label for entities that use planets, solar systems, universes as their bodies of manifestation.

So when you look at the Milky Way you are seeing an image of part of the physical body of the galactic Logos

> two BIG ones being, the "Oh wow I am an alien" pride, and "Oh wow I am powerful" also pride.

Pride is an invitation to adverse energies. As you lift your consciousness, pride falls away

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Amor wrote: Tue Sep 13, 2022 12:00 am > a picture of the Logos

The term Logos is used as a label for entities that use planets, solar systems, universes as their bodies of manifestation.

So when you look at the Milky Way you are seeing an image of part of the physical body of the galactic Logos

> two BIG ones being, the "Oh wow I am an alien" pride, and "Oh wow I am powerful" also pride.

Pride is an invitation to adverse energies. As you lift your consciousness, pride falls away


I have been working on the pride and "settling in" as being...


Some thoughts this morning, as I contemplated my dance with Ms. Asrael, and her tenure as energy.

It was revealed to me that the primary reason for her visceral hatred of me, was she was part of the human trafficking (i believe), the aliens "feeding" her some hypnotized human bodies, and her and her armies feasting on them in gruesome rituals... also, there may have been some energetic spiritual feeding on the suffering of the human race... I do recall her being invested in Armageddon before I asked her to stop (which she did).

She had achieved a sort of symbiosis with her alien creators (Whom she also hated... For giving her life...) using the human race as a source of food and entertainment.

She came to me this morning, to guilt me over slaying her body, and I had had it, I told her, "Listen you BITCH... What I did to your body was NOTHING compared to how you tortured my soul! So get over it, MOVE ON!!!"

|After that, she retreated into the shadows... A scolded little girl.

Presently, she is a sort of disembodied energy, her body that I wounded is still somewhat able to contain her energy, but it is not "fully functional", so she cannot remain in it.

Her anger, and her frustration, prevent her from finding peace... She is essentially a disembodied ghost.

The aliens who are aware of her with the soul-capturing technology, I told them, to make a powerful, hot sexy body for her like she had before, but they wanted something in exchange... I entertained them until I grew frustrated and shrank their base, then shrank it again until they were more willing to see things from my perspective.

I did not get too far with them, and I do not want to delete them, so I went to the Cosmic me... And I told "me", this angry, resentful Asrael-energy, she belongs to us, now... And I want her treated with dignity and compassion, with respect and empathy...

But with discipline and law.

He showed me a planet where the human me, could fan her as she sat on a throne, feeding her grapes as she wagged her foot in the air, reclined like an Egyptian Wolven princess.

This was agreeable.

I also saw a vision, before I meddled in her affairs, of the aliens herding hypnotized humans (and other captured alien species) through their blast door that sealed off Asrael's realm from theirs, Asrael lurking just behind the darkness, massive, tall, and powerful, then the door shutting, and the screams even penetrating the alien metal... Would make for an interesting horror movie.

It also occurs to me, that I was, actually.. Winning her heart.. And she was calming down... The violence I purveyed on her changed that, at least temporarily, however, I was also shown it was "Necessary" to make the realm safe for aliens who are helping the "emotional body" of mine, and even this morning, I can feel healing on levels I have not felt in decades... I could sleep forever, it seems, and when the van is done, indeed- I will!

About the things I desire to do for, and with my hairy girlfriend, in searching her heart, there is a part of her, perhaps it is empowered Soft Asrael, who knows, that in spite of the coldness of her alien creators, in spite of the weakness of the human race (to her), that she knows... When our hearts beat in perfect unison that morning... Whatever Wolf she was, human... Insectoid- whatever her spiritual and energetic constitution, we achieved perfect harmony, perfect oneness, perfect being that morning, perfect... Love. Like an anchor.

Further, my Husky dog is teaching me the ways of the canine, even better than pure blood earth wolves could, and I know in my heart, this is a glaring vex on her list of gripes against me, that I do not relate to her on her (canine) level.

I have seen her, returning to Earth, arrayed in stunning godlike clothing, disembarking from an alien craft (My cosmic me owns/knows about/ is associated with) perhaps her hand in mine- us both having gone through multiple iterations of ourselves, returning to this realm, her mind expanded, her heart softened yet also arrayed in the divine cosmic strands of multiple universes, a Goddess with glowing eyes of power, a woman that commands immediate respect from her restrained power, and yet- so alluring and beautiful that one can hardly look away from the shimmering golden strands interwoven in her hair...

She asks, why would this be done, and the answer is, "Because I love you."


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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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Amor wrote: Tue Sep 13, 2022 8:53 pmNice
Thank you!

I have some reports, and kind of, "What do I do, now?"

The cosmic me, has gone dormant/ gone back to sleep/ is possibly dying or transforming into something else.

I think there are a number of adverse alien group who are aware of this and are tormenting me... Last night I was woken up to the semi-conscious dream state that is also partially conscious, they were trying to "Scare" me...

The implant near my hips seemed to explode and wriggled around like a worm (Felt creepy and weird)

I began to seek out the ships and devices in orbit to crush them, but soon backed off... There are a LOT of ships and a LOT of observation/energetic transmitting devices/ships in various "lights" that I can see. I stopped my retaliation.

Before/ during/ after the attack on my emotional body, I was coerced into giving up my sovereignty in its entirety, and one or more alien groups took full advantage of this, and "owned" my sovereignty in it's deepest perceptible sense...

Also, during the meet and greet with my cosmic self, there was a dynamic where he showed me, the human me would be abandoned by him, and would be "helpless".

I accepted it.

It has all ben fairly terrible, I do not know if the sleep[ deficit of twenty years following the attack is coming into play, if I am tired because I was woken up multiple times in a fear-state last night, or if the stress is becoming a massive factor in my life, or all of the above, but I had plans to be productive today, but while my dog attempted to get me to wake up around eight, it is now ten and I am pretty much done, I could go back to sleep and become nocturnal, which may happen when I get done with the van, which is problematic if I have a dog that has needs, like to be walked, while I am sleeping my time away, in an attempt to FINALLY get some rest.

I can see these adverse groups tormenting me in the van while in the wilderness.

When I was religious, I would "Annoint" the corners of my home when this was happening, with oil, and it would work VERY well. However, when my fiancee and her kids lived with me, I tried it- and it did not work AT ALL.

I am also somewhat against to using religious means (as I am still wrestling with the idea of religion/god/etc) of controlling this, I do not know if I am right or wrong in this.

All in all I am not worried, but I am annoyed and tired.

I think I am at the limits of my constrained human form. With the adverse beings all around me, many in the physical form of the progenitor, extending outwards into toxic political and governmental dynamics, which are less worrisome. I find myself, once again, completely overwhelmed... Having a "Come what may" attitude- go ahead and displace me here, worst-case I will live in the one running van, and execute the order of: healing, resting, living day to day. Help is not around, my "help" of the previous girlfriend having found me, "No longer holding her attention" as she put it, though she still desires to have me in her life as I have a myriad of skills she needs, and her, giving less and less in return and giving her affections to her crush- I repaired her braking system on her car, saving her life, and got a "thanks" for it, that was all.

So, i am alone, facing the brokenness I have been living in for decades now, brokenness upon brokenness, as this world, it's people, and its aliens attempt to break me down to nothing. Perhaps this will result in the coming enlightenment being short-circuited, as maybe another realm would be better off with this energy. If the human race is not worthy or righteous enough to inherit enlightenment, then truly- it is not worthy, and undeserving of it, and we will go on, as the animals we are, waging war, subjugating others, and causing harm. Perhaps I would be better off giving up and living in Europe, as a subject, rather than in a country that nobody seems to care about, throwing her carcass to the weakest in the highest, I do not know what to do, and who really gives a shit anyway.

For health reasons I am not going to return to alcohol, but I imagine, will do the minimum, as I am able, perhaps the van will get "driveable" and I will be able to sell the various things as I live in the van.

I was attempting to be conscious of any more happenings that the cosmic me may need me to do, as you said, to let go of my guilt, perhaps i was successful, perhaps i was not. I did what I could while i could do it, given my circumstances.

Contemplating the earth's present day status: I long for, and realize there are: Better places out there. I don't want to be here. It's like being stuck in a time when cave-people walked around with clubs, hitting passers by just because it was fun, what is there for me, here? I long to be in a better place, a place where society is pure, where the meek rule the land, where intelligence dictates that needless violence be put away in exchange for the betterment of all.

This ideal lives in my heart, and yet, is denied me daily, by the realities of this present day earth. I do not see the point of this. Have I not done what is required, and forced a flame of light through this planet? What, then is left for me- to struggle under the wasteful caste system, that turns human beings into slaves? The best system we have, the rulers, ruling over the dolts, because if given power, the dolts would destroy themselves, and everyone else along with them- so the unlucky few become slaves, along with the dolts? What's the point, now?

The "Hot young Wolfen babe" offered to me by the "kinder' alien group of kidnappers, her energy has retreated- as all other Wolfen have... Had I of accepted the offer to be with her, perhaps my life would be better (But my mission not fulfilled, has it been? THAT was it? If it is so let it be so I want no further obligations!) but now she is gone... Out of view of my minds eyes, no longer wanting to be connected with me. Perhaps she was just a distraction...

Maybe the idea of living like a pauper in some fancy van is not as appealing as I once thought. Daily, the money drains, and soon, I WILL be the person living in the bushes.

Maybe it's true: I just don't want to be here, whatever hope I had at a decent life was crushed, years and years ago. My highest attainment, living in the wilderness, as far away from doltish humanity as possible, as far away from the club dragging cave dwellers as I can get!

And that, not an excuse to get out of bed, to motivate myself... My family, my children, my home, my career, all robbed from me as a child... Even if it were presented to me on a silver platter, I do not have the energy at this point, after all I have been through, to accept it- and I refuse to 'drum up" more energy, because it never lasts and it never seems to be worth it... Not in this society, not with these humans. All I have done is "Drum up" the energy to keep existing, to keep surviving, my spirit grieving within me, she has no more to give, and yet I keep taking...

So, what am I to do? The best case scenario is ever present: Clean the horded mess that spans acres, all around me, that I have amassed, leave the club dragging and dangerous progenitor who has shirked her maternal instinct years ago, strike out into the dangerous unknown, while being hounded by cruel aliens, tormented the whole time- yeah that sounds like a cause worthy of getting out of bed for. NOT

The draw of making space with an agreeable Wolfen, somewhere, is almost unbearable- almost want to be anywhere but here, but knowing there are indeed worse places to be. My energy is tired, my form is angry, trapped in a karmic cycle of nothingness and endless, fruitless labor, only to be recycled to do it all over again.

I am tired of it.


The being I once was before I came here, was subjected to the OS, robbed of who I was, that being does not want to exchange his ideals for useless, passing, trivial earth ideals, and yet he must if he wants to be happy here...

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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>The implant near my hips seemed to explode and wriggled around like a worm

Why do you tolerate implants? Give it heart-light. What happens?

>i am alone

Do you have a large tree nearby? Look at that tree. Does it like you?

So you are not alone. Many non-human entities appreciate you

> if he wants to be happy here

Happiness is of the personality.

Joy is of the heart and soul. Joy does not require external supports

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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>>The implant near my hips seemed to explode and wriggled around like a worm

>Why do you tolerate implants? Give it heart-light. What happens?


It's like asking a slave why they tolerate slavery... It's neural plasticity, a cruel and vicious "Welcome" to this solar system/ universe from my home realm, where things are beautiful and peaceful... Aliens holding me down as I am barely conscious, drilling into my body... Parents that I was lucky to survive even knowing casually let alone being the caretakers of... And not knowing any of this, about who I REALLY am, until this very thread... Every god damned day is a struggle to push passed the limits "they" said I had... To discover I literally have no limit to my authority, that I am unstoppable... And struggling to survive day to day in this world... I am making progress, it hurts, and it's hard, it leaves me so weary some days, pushing passed these walls they surrounded me in...

Some days, even today, I CANNOT give them heart light... I struggle to even visualize them... I think I "got" the hip implant, the light brilliantly dazzles and "fries" the implant, rendering it useless.


>>i am alone

>Do you have a large tree nearby? Look at that tree. Does it like you?


Yes. This is valid. Many non human beings have expressed their gratitude over my existence. At the dog park today one smaller dog in particular kept expressing their gratitude for me, and another, but it was too afraid to approach me (Some animals are terrified of me, but I can tell they wished they had the courage to approach me...)



>So you are not alone. Many non-human entities appreciate you


This is valid. I needed to hear this. Appreciation for me is all around me, especially in nature. As a matter of fact, I realized something just now: This is why I have some "Favorite" camping spots. The life around me, appreciates me. Indeed, I have an affirming life-goal, to find a spot in nature that appreciates me. I will honor this spot, wherever I find them


>> if he wants to be happy here

>Happiness is of the personality.

>Joy is of the heart and soul. Joy does not require external supports


Okay. I am trying to let this soak in so that it becomes a reality.

Further, FTR, it has come to my attention: I have not "Killed" Asrael. Just like my suffering clone/ emotional body, which has sustained FAR worse trauma than I was asked to inflict on Ms. Asrael, her body STILL LIVES, albeit: She is "Disabled", presently.

Her and I talked a little today. She holds so much resentment against me, and I accept it as valid. Some of it... Is sexual in nature that my emotional body did to her. Whether she is being a "brat" about it, or my emotional personality was genuinely cruel to her, and mocked and took her dignity, much the same as was done to me as a child, (And I can understand how raunchy it can be to draw close to your abusers willingly, I do not wish to ask her to draw close to me while she holds these feelings, it would be a violation of my conscience and hypocritical to ask her to do this, some forcing and urging is necessary, however, as much of our trauma is resentment, and sometimes that needs some force to get over and come to terms with) I do not know, and it is not important. She holds and maintains the wrath of a scorned girl, her energy is far from reconciling with me. However, in a way, she knows, I am a safe space for her. She can count on the fact that I desire to be there for her, as often and as much as she finds herself in need of someone who cares for her, regardless of her opinion of me.

Since the connection with the Cosmic me, there are ancient memories, that are coming back to me... Memories of power, of purpose. I am truly... An alien in this realm. And, the adverse strongholds and dynamics have spared no effort in destroying me.

I like to think, some of them, now that I am exercising my authority, now that I am coming to power, some of them, are relieved to know that I have compassion for many of them. If I can forgive, love, and have compassion on Ms. Asrael, (Knowing the damage I inflicted on her body was NOT my choice and I deeply regret what I did, however IT WAS NECESSARY for cosmic laws to be enacted to save and protect me, from what I gather...) then I can also forgive them, so far- I make NO guarantees in the future. If I am approached, or a memory comes back at the wrong time, they know full well I will scour the timelines for everything concerned with them, and like a consuming fire, I will make them regret their very existence.

But I am trying NOT to be this way, I am trying to be kind, compassionate, respectful, in a way, of their operations- with a hint, that, they had better begin looking for new lines of work, in the legitimate sector, some, and others- packing up shop and taking a vacation... Far from Earth.

Yes, it is all coming into play, now. I am beginning to fulfill my cosmic destiny. It feels good, it feels empowering.

Whether I will approach the f progenitor and "level" with her, as she is under the false assumption that she was a proper acting maternal unit, and that somehow makes up for the future her, and others, robbed me of, I may attempt to correct her of this false assumption, but in truth I believe my time is wasted and may result in hostilities against me, and a negative outcome, rather than a positive one.

If I am successful in creating this van, and doing as I have planned, selling my possessions, if I do not bring up the truth to the progenitor, then when I leave, she will be presented with it, and I will very likely, create a radio silence with both of them, as they serve no useful purpose in my life, whatsoever, outside of this residency. Now that I know my true purpose, even as it unfolds, I absolutely refuse to have such hateful, toxic, cruel people who are injurious to my well being, have any sort of role in my life whatsoever. To my credit: My other two siblings, one of which has nothing to do with the family whatsoever, and the other, I view as an abusive and weak moral character, both have nothing to do with the progenitors, either, if that says anything.

The male progenitor, I met at the gate to this property, and I reversed my vehicle backwards back onto the street, as I am armed, it is likely they are armed, and this person has demonstrated a complete lack of concern for my well being, on top of an aversion to it, in fact, when I told this person my feelings on their performance as progenitor, they cussed me out, called me names, demeaned me, and left- but it was then that I knew, I had to prepare for war, loaded up on performance ammunition in my defense rifle, and my pistol, already having the front facing cavity ammunition. I am unsure if reconciliation is even possible, at this point, even with the other progenitor, as there are still feelings of, "Skin crawling" associated with them, let alone any sort of emotional bonding with such vicious and unfeeling people.

Such "Old dogs" are unlikely to learn new tricks, or change, although I do acknowledge that the f progenitor's true believer religious boyfriend (A man a view as having superior moral character, whom has my respect, and is likely here, as much or moreso for my well being, than even hers... His god has worked on my behalf several times, to allow me the rest to heal, that the f progenitor likely never would have allowed, as she is busy trying to drive me to suicide to notice she harbors a deep and ravenous hatred of me, another fine reason to vacate asap, though i have found comfort here, and wish to stay as long as I can, so long as it is in peace.) has had a tremendously positive influence on her, she, still, however, has a "blind side" of vicious hatred of me, unto driving me to suicide, if she can, as was told to me by a family friend: She has been trying to get me to commit suicide all of my life to cover her guilt over some events in my childhood, and uses her maternal bond to transfer that malevolent hatred to absolutely eviscerate my soul.

When it was told to me, I knew it was true: This had cost me every relationship I had had, and still continues to tarnish what relationships I find myself in: However, I am working to accept people. Part of my alien problems were, I never accepted the human body, to me, it is a foreign and gross amalgamation of skin and organs, secreting foul smelling and tasting fluids, the human dynamic of "love" and "dating" being offense to me in their assumptions of my humanity: mainly, in many ways, I possess none. It has been a major issue, my girlfriend thinking she can "Treat me like other men", this is not the case, as she is learning, rather rapidly. I will not allow affections or sex to be lorded over me or to control me, this is a common failing of men, but we are learning better, and I also recognize my own frailty in respecting and accepting women, meeting them where they are at- female humans- this has been a hurdle for me, but now that I know where I am coming from, knowing the source of the issue is helping me accept the issue in a better sense, of dealing with the disgust, it is hard, however.

I need to get the F out of here. But, I also need to not be in such a hurry, as the time I will need to enact these plans will likely take longer than I think.

However, once I am free, I believe, I will be set free indeed. As the youngest sibling told me, I have to leave to "Let the healing begin", and I believe this to be true.

Hail to my highest mother, who in truth reminds me of the Japanese goddess Amaterasu, in wolf form. When she finds the occasion to visit me once more, I will desire to spend time with her. It feels wonderful to know there is a mother who cares for me, sensing her heart brings me nearly to tears, if I let it.

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Re: Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

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I think I can better answer the question, earlier:

While my relationship with mankind has not been very positive, especially early on, it is the visions that prompted me to write this thread, where Amor introduced me to the idea of "Unification", and having studied this seemingly cosmic dynamic, or unity and love of one another, I can see how the human race can accomplish this in time, and seeing, and FEELING the beauty of unity and acceptance, it has given me a sort of desire for it, at the very least, an acceptance of the human race, a goal I can push for, rather than the wholesale annihilation of mankind from this planet, at least, these visions have begun to unite me with my destiny, and a release of an unhealthy (even for my well being) hatred of the human race. I go back and forth on a lot of things, I see this, and part of my journey is reconciliation into "right relationship" with myself and my surroundings, as I discover this over time, I am heartened, that at its core, the human race has this ideal in our hearts, even if I do not feel it, i believe the star children are being born with this light already guiding them. Not something I can say was common AT ALL when I was growing up.

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