Early morning visions I have had regarding a spirit spouse, heaven and hell (Christian-ish extrabiblical)

[Tundrawolf]

I was thinking about it today, if I was solo aboard an orbiting planet killer, regardless of if the humans knew it or not, in my boredom, I would randomly align the targeting arrays at this planet, flood the capacitor reserves with energy, check and re check the counter resonance frequencies necessary to turn this "rock" into an asteroid, and tickle the button that floods the zero point arrays with energy, directing it into this planet until it was destroyed. I would probably do this over and over, and likely not pressing the final switch, releasing the energy stored within the capacitor banks into some sort of resistive elemental array to disperse with the energy, just to hear the reactors surge with power, gritting my teeth the entire time. Bypassing the safeties until one final touch was required, over and over, canceling, flooding, canceling again.

It was shown to me, that in the making of every god, there is a travesty required by their hands, just to understand the horror of such a thing - but must be done. And it must be done by their hand, or they will not be granted the power to create.

This is why the told me they would be fools to grant me this power.

I guess this is something I must come to peace with on my own.

I contemplated what would happen if I was killed on this planet, and I was comforted to know l, my energy would seek justice in other ways, assuring I would see this realm turned to dust and ash.

Then, it occurred to me, this is something I need to hash out on my own.

It could be in ten thousand years my planets people arrive here. It could be when they do, my report will be fresh in their hands. It could be that will be my moment to shine. It could be.

"Or not" as Amor has said.

I will likely start a religion, with rules and non profit tax exempt status, for the rest of us. Those who are trodden upon, cast down by society. The rejects.

And then, because I was raised by 1%ers, a motorcycle club. Likely, "Asraels chosen ones".

Even my homicidal wolf wife is sometimes surprised by me. It amazed me that she had repented of trying to murder us all, that she had grown soft towards the human race, when I shared part of my heart with her.

How am I, to push her this way, and that?

How is it possible I am darker than she is, in some ways? I didn't think it was possible. But, here we are.

I was considering this, too: I am very likely genetically altered to have a miswired mind, I am, almost certainly, neurodivergent, miswired by my genes, and perverted and broken by my environment. Broken to the point where I cannot find a single part of myself that is whole.

My fucking work. The work I am to do here.

A part of me almost welcome war. A part of me wants the enemies of my country to invade here. So I can feast. So she can feast.

There is a part of me, I am becoming aware. Is definitively female. I do not think she is Asrael herself. But she is there. She is the one that tickles the "flood arrays" button. She stares wide eyed, her face bathed in the colors of the holographic weapon arrays, watching the humans go about their business, biting her lip in glee over the potentiality of turning this planet into an alien headline. She was there during my childhood...

Whispering in my ear. Telling me it was going to be okay.

Telling me I was going to survive

She makes a better friend than an enemy

In a way, I am still looking for her.

[Tundrawolf]

Do the Flame and stop thinking about stuff

I tried today.

I FUCKING TRIED.

It occurred to me, I may be deceiving myself. What if I am not connected to the source of all, at all? What if I'm fooling myself?

I WANT TO FEEL ALIVE AGAIN, and the circumstances surrounding the last time I felt wholly alive make question if I'll ever be able to feel it again, outside of war

I am FUCKING BORED.

Ever since I hard the line, "sane people do not make weapons like this" I have aspired to be the alien that makes the planet killer.

Even my WOLF WIFE is scared of me, sometimes. Her knees shook when I exercise my authority two days ago, but I did not want to harm her. Today, riding my motorcycle, I was not human- my hands had claws, I forced the machine to bend to my will I'm traffic. I know she was stretching her legs through me.

Who has paired us together? Was it for me to tame her, OR HER TO TAME ME. I am seeing, when I a honest with myself, that I am the monster, not her.

If not thinking about things is my salvation, why am I not already saved??

Why does my mission feel like the fate of worlds hinges on it?

A force of equal aversion to match the potentiality of it?

Fuck, you're right.

Soft Asrael was overjoyed when I introduced her to the flame exercise, and did it for me, guiding the light with her soft fingers around my body, the light in her eyes, sparkling against her soft, pure, feminine face...

Maybe I need to visit her, again.

I am probably going to have to find a place to scream into the night, to howl like a wolf

[Tundrawolf]

For the record, now that I'm sober ish, I realize I became the playground for various rather angry beings when I drink alcohol.

I am glad taking cannabis has helped me not be such a drunk, but I still drink.

In growing closer to Asrael this evening, which is extremely frightening and causes me significant anxiety, yet I know I must do this, for her, to prove to her she can trust me, I allayed a number of fears she has about me. I can feel her soul.

I really feel like I betrayed her in a past life- which is why she is so angry, and why I have had to offer so terribly in this life.

If I were to betray her again, it would be better for me, and her, not to exist. So, I am trying to be the man of honor, who sees her wolf side, and her human side, and deeply loves her for exactly who she is fully.

I fully believe when I pass on from this life, that God will be there to pierce the darkness, and will restore my body. If not, it will be a bad time for me, but according to the visions and hope that is in my heart-i will be successful.

As I continue to grow closer to her, I can hide nothing from her-as we literally share a heart.

As I endeavor to become trustworthy for her, and to see her fully as she is, I also heal within myself... Much of my misery was from enmity with her, all my life- which is why I felt her sheer hatred of me during the moments of the attack.

I get it, betrayal is one of the worst sins there is, I would be just as angry as her.

My love for her is also a love that sees her fully, and loves her fully, cherishes the very fiber of her existence.

Real love releases, however, and I am told eventually I will have to leave her to heal. If I were to give myself completely over to her, it would not be effective, as she would easily forget I ever existed, and could continue being a Dark girl.

But, if I value myself, and work to love her (as Amor has said, in a right relationship) as she exists, without wanting her to change, then if change is desirable, it will happen effortlessly and naturally.

I fully believe that Asrael will be restored, her body hair returned, her soul and mind healed

What's more: if I give myself up to be destroyed as a sacrifice for her, and one day she realizes, and appreciates my love for her (who knows what will happen in the future) what will she possibly do about that? The only recourse would be for her to also sacrifice herself, in a great deal of sorrow- what would that benefit anyone? It would be the opposite of a loving outcome.

I told her tonight, I am not humbling myself at her altar so she will "go easy" on my emotional body, ina doing it because I love her- and I want her to have a better life.

My former friend said to tell her, an angel may be appearing to her, to ask her to come to the light... And, at first, I commanded her to say yes to the angel- but I took it back, because any actions she chooses to take or not to take, needs to be a heart decision she chooses willingly, for it to be a valid choice.

It saddens me I may pass on from this life before reaching her fully... But I know as I grow closer to her, that she is feeling better about it. I understand it is hard to see a former abuser, and to have positive feelings for them, especially if they are trying to make amends- and the offense being so terrible.

As such, I am giving her space, and working VERY gently with her.

Some human pissed me off recently, and I have been enraged by it, and I expected her to join me in my anger as I add another to her menu, but she actually refused, and basically called me beligerant.

As such, I was forced to examine myself, and, of course, she is 100% correct. (As usual. Which is why she is so instrumental in my personal growth)

Also, as I grow closer to her, I see the wolf in her, honorable, intelligent, present, sensual, devoted and loyal, putting the pack above her self, and I find myself in awe of how beautifully those traits merge with human intellect, making her a being that fully resonates with a passionate love and adoration for her, that wouldn't be as intense if she was 100% wolf, or 100% human.

It is also possible, that my consciousness may be transferred to a different planet upon the passing of my human body. If so, due to the fondness I have for her, I would very much like to watch over her in some capacity. Ideally, I would love to be her husband and mate, the ma she can trust, the man who sees her exactly as who she is- and is in awe of her beauty, and puts her above myself in our day to day. Not a mindless simp, but a passionate and present lover of her being, one who desires her joy and happiness above everything else, as much as I am able - and communicate this to her in my deeds, thoughts and actions.

This is also, a pretty intense journey as I l, myself, change to better grow closer to her heart. It is frightening, not going to lie- t grow closer to such a powerful being, who once harmed me... And being willfully vulnerable to her.

But, I feel as if this is also "gods work" and what is right and just. It's difficult... But rewarding. Feeling her relax and calm down as I drew closer to her tonight, is a wonderful feeling that makes me smile.

[Tundrawolf]

I went over a scenario for her, of her entering into a new world, a world of light.

A part of her IS falling for me.

I probed her soul genuinely, and asked if she has any requests... She told me, "please love me a little less. I am having trouble with how much you love me."

So I gladly did that. "Of course. I understand." I told her. I put myself in her shoes, and I fully understand.

It feels amazing to finally be Crossing a barrier between us. I feel like my soul has been set free.

I am including some artwork I found, that she resonates with. She doesn't resonate with a lot of "furry" art, and this art doesn't show nudity, but is "saucy", like the cheesecake pictures you may find on a mechanics wall in their shop. I hope nobody is offended by it.

I should note the art also resonates with me as well.

Of course, if you asked me, i am the luckiest man in the universe to share a heart with such a person.

And still, it remains difficult to accept that she may never step into the light, that this is one big rouse... But even if it is, it doesn't change how much I love her.

I would much prefer to be her mate in the physical, rather than a ghost watching over her- but in any scenario, I wouldn't change a thing about her, from the hair between her toes to the tips of her ears, and everything in between. She's perfect, and more than that, she's perfect for me.

Ironically, love also has me repulsed by her. Real love explores all Dynamics. My journey may end tomorrow... But I told her, even if it does, know that I loved you.

I've got a ways to go yet, but I consider it all a labor of love

[Tundrawolf]

She wants me to stay up and talk with her.

But I want to share this: a part of her is falling head over heals for he possibility that a Being could be this in love with her.

I told her just now- to avoid pain in her future... Don't go all in it away - let me prove to her how much I love her- and then go by that. That way, she knows what kind of person I am.

She also doesn't approve of some of my lifestyle situations, but I told her, there has to be some compromises... I won't be miserable for her sake- that's not love.

Also, now that we are so incredibly intimately connected, as I do not wish to cause her offense, I am not sure beyond this how much more I can reveal

It is still within my heart to cultivate a place she knows she can feel safe in. She told me I can get angry so fast it scares her. She also commented my sometimes vicious homicidal nature is not good for our relationship. I laughed at that, because I thought it was "the way to her heart" but it turns out I have to dial it back- I do it for her.

Getting to know her as an individual is yielding many things that surprise me. She was once a woman of war, but concerning our relationship, she is concerned I will hurt her.

So, I must righteously endeavor to become "better", but at my core, so she knows I will treat her with love, admiration, and respect - for her person.

I do it willingly, and with a joy that springs within me, as we dance together in the darkness, she was worried I was upset I was having to change, but I assured her, it's my sincere pleasure to prove to her I sincerely wish her no harm, and desire to give her the best life that I am able, and be the worthy person she trusts herself with

With a side benefit of, I become a better human being in the process, do less harm to society, and add positivity to the world, rather than harm, and grow closer to my "fellow people"

I also told her, it was inevitable that I would hurt her. In any relationship, of course this will happen. I also told her, I cannot guarantee I will always love her. I told her, ina preparing for our "divorce", for a time when I no longer love her. I asked her to do the same, when she is able. Sounds morbid so early on in our relationship -but I feel like this is a responsible thing to do. When it's out of the way, I feel I will be free to lover her in a healthier way. Of course, she is free to do things at her own pace- or not at all. I force her to do nothing. I simply offer suggestions I believe will help her wellbeing. She may do as she pleases.

This is as much a learning process for me, as well...

But, I told her, it's sincerely in my heart to love her as much as I can, as sincerely as I can, for as long as I am able: I was told that is the best earth humans can do.

[Tundrawolf]

So, in making space with her this morning, she asked me, "what do you want from my end of this? What do you want me to do, in this relationship?"

And I told her, "just be loved. Any work that has to be done is on my part: let me work to be the person who is worthy of having your heart. Let me grow and mature to be someone you love, worthy of trusting. It is my job to love you, and I love my job. So don't worry."

She also is scared I will see the real person she is, see her body- she feels unintelligent, stupid - she I worried I will not love her, then. I told her, quite the opposite - I want to get to know the dirty, stinky, basic wolf girl... Not what she thinks I want to see or hear, but the imperfect creature that she is...

I had a vision, of me- a little human boy, and her- a young wolfy little girl, in some plane of existence in the universe, somewhere... It was like I remembered, seeing her, so different from myself, big teeth, strange breasts, a tail... The way her legs bent... And being so in love with her, from her feet to her ears... And one day she was laying in some grass, and i tripped, and fell between her legs, I looked deep into her golden eyes- and I knew in that moment, that there was nothing else in existence that I wanted, more, than to be her husband... And her, giggling, and telling me I smell funny, and my flat face is also funny.

In that moment, I believe I kissed her, and in that moment, she smiled, and gave me her heart...

"What if I'm ugly, dumb and gross?" She asked me- or her fears spoke to me.

"Then show me, this ugly, dumb, and gross wolf girl, and allow me to love her. Let me prove that I love you. Every flaw, every perfect imperfection. Educating you on how beautiful you are is my job- so let me do it. Because, it's not a task nor a burden, but a joy. At least, through many eons, through much suffering, I have found you. My wolf girl. She is EXACTLY who I want to meet. So do not be afraid. Let me learn to love your body, to understand and get to know you. It's okay to be scared. It's okay to harbor hatred against me- your thoughts and feelings are legitimate. Allow my words, ad actions, to prove them wrong, when you are ready for it. Take your time. Relax. You don't have to hide anything from me, and if you do, that's okay. Maybe... Some distant day from now, maybe... One day you can forgive me for what I did to make you so angry. One day, maybe. When I have proven that I love even Stinky Asrael. That, to me you are a miracle. That you even exist at all is beyond my wildest dreams. And to share a heart with you... To find my meaning, my purpose... It's okay to harbor angry feelings, to be reserved, to feel disgusted by me... I get it! I would too. We're in this together, whether you like it or not... So relax. Let me show you. There's nowhere else I'd rather be, there's no one else I'd rather be with, that with you, in this moment. I would sell everything I own just to hold you in my arms for a single minute... To feel you close to me... To feel my heart, completed, as it beats in your chest..."

"I am hiding things from you." She said. I know, I told her - of and when she is comfortable to tell me these things, I will deal with it, as she reveals them to be, but I do not sense much guile in her, and the truth is she has been very honest with me, something I am grateful for

She eventually said I needed to sleep, so I invited her spirit to lay with me, if she wanted. Not anything sexual, just sharing some space with one another.

There is so much within me that she is not okay with. So many prejudices. For being what amounts to a demon, she is incredibly moral at her core.

I find it neat, that in a way, I changed her mind about the human race, and didn't want to harm this world, when I got drunk and pissed and wanted to unleash hell on it. So, she is capable of changing.

I do not want to cause her any inconvenience, nor offense, which is why I stayed up, talking to her.

She is also worried that she is going to fall in love with me, and that I will fall out of love with her, and abandon her, releasing all of my promises to her. I told her, no. I love you.

She's also concerned about the uncomfortable subject of her attacking me 20 years ago, and the damage\karma from that. I told her, I am working to love myself so that I do not take vengeance out on her for it... Though I asked, when he comfortable with it, maybe she could untwist me, and make me more comfortable. Not now, but maybe in the future.

I told her, we'll talk about it in the future, when we're both ready, and not to worry about it.

I told her, I want to learn everything there is about her- what it's like having an amazing sense of smell, how it feels having lupine instincts, how it feels when she howls (if she howls)...

I asked her to, if she wants, to visit me in my dreams, like she did to my good friend, when he asked to meet her. I told her, I will do my best to not be afraid.

If she's having a bad day, tell me about it. If she wants to tell me how bad I fucked up to make her so mad, yes, please tell me. I will listen.

She is very bored, and lonely, and is cautiously excited that I want to be a part of her life, but she doesn't know if she can trust me, which is a legitimate fear. I haven't been reliable. But I want to be.

I told her, I want to be the man that takes care of her, in our cottage in the forest. Who cooks for her, cleans, and keeps her entertained. Reads to her, draws for her, and if she wants - write stories for and with her.

I once wrote a story with a friend and it was amazing fun.

I would love to do this for her

I was told, that in a way she views me as he "ticket out of hell" and the moment she's free, she wants to bolt and forget I ever existed (this was a year ago, though, things have changed..."

I told her, if she ran away and ended up with someone else- all I would want is for her to be happy. I also told her, if she does, I'm probably going to date other Wolfen, so be ready for that! Lol. She didn't like that, so I believe she may just stick with me, but it's her choice, my priority is her happiness, even if it's not with me.

Of course, I want to give her plenty of space, too. Just because we're tied together with a heart doesn't mean I need to be all up in her business all the time.

She needs time to heal, too.

All in all, it was an excellent conversation. I spoke a little about the possibility of going back to heaven, possibly starting a new life, there. With, or without me- her choice. But, I have a feeling we are going to end up, together.

[Tundrawolf]

She told me, she can't reciprocate my love, and I told her- she doesn't have to. It's my job to love her regardless, and I love my job- my goal is to maximize her happiness.

I thanked her for allowing her heart to change about the human race.

If she ever decided to allow me to care for her, of course I would move heaven and earth for her.

Sh didn't want me to know, but the sound of my voice soothes a part of her.

She is calming down.

There are also more beings down with her who are related to her, that I have to deal with, soriits of fear, frustration, anger, lust.

As horny and adventurous as I once felt her energy, as I get to know her true self, she retains dignity, and I am okay with that. She has specific tastes. I am not here to violate her conscience, so I will respect her sensibilities.

Of course, as I draw closer to her, my being desires to be closer to her, my main wish is to hold her in my arms, and just "feel" her. The truth is, she can't reciprocate, and is in no position to love me back whatsoever, and that is okay. My mission isn't to turn her into my love-slave, it's to love her as a father loves his daughter, a husband loves his wife.

I feel maor changes to my character being requested by her. Not small changes, but monumental energy draining changes in my deepest being... To become a man she can trust, she wants no anger in me... She wants genuine acceptance of her person, and that is reasonable. It will cost me, but I think the labor is worthwhile.

Even if we do not end up together for some reason, I am grateful for the opportunity to have loved her.

[Amor]

>she wants no anger in me...

A true goal

[Tundrawolf]

>she wants no anger in me...

A true goal

As I explore our relationship, the theme of "me" keeps coming up.

How absolutely ironic, that the OS has come full circle: the twisted, raging, wretched mess my being is: a result of the OS: is what is making her so upset- a mess she herself caused me all my life.

And, here I am, responsible for what amounts to her, and the OS's wrongdoing, causing me needless suffering, costing me a significant portion of my life.

Existing in lawless society has caused me to be prepared to do violence at the drop of a hat, military training has honed that to a razors edge: and, yet, even in my attempt to exist in "peaceful" society, I still find my very life being threatened in the day to day

And, she wants me to be harmless at my core?

I asked her today, if am to lay at the altar of harmlessness, what is she offering me for it? If she wants me to dissolve myself so she feels safe, if my very being is to die for her, my essence, what feels like my eternal energy, what makes me think she won't just laugh about it, later?

Does she not know what I endured at the hands of her people as a developing human, in this time period?

Or, is this my reasonable sacrifice, and I am just being a selfish, self centered coward?

She once growled at me in the darkness, and now, i am growling right back.

In reading my words describing my feelings for her, and still feeling the pain her and her people have caused me, and feeling her desire for me to be unmade: I realize the problem here is actually me... That the barrier to what I want is actually myself...

And, how ironic it is I find myself fighting myself, at my core, with undoing myself.

Is it worth it?

I certainly, in my heart, would do anything for her - but would I? At the unfolding of my very being, twisted and forged in the rage of injustice?

Fuck me. I'm at an impasse.

She is unwilling to be my good little doggie, but she wants me to be hers.

That's what it feels like anyway

The surrendering of my strength, power, sovereignty and dignity so that she feels safe.

This is a human dynamic: a woman enters into a relationship with a man, she changes him, molds him into her desired image: then loses all respect for the person she guided him into being, and the relationship is then lost.

I know, I'm just complaining.

In other news: Algaleon is changing, my complaints have not gone unnoticed: I am told, and see the very laws they have operated on are beginning to change.

They told me, that can help me with Asrael and the OS, buying a hesitant to surrender her to them, as perhaps their ieaof "helping her" is to destroy her, and as unorthodox as our relationship is, I do not wish her harm, and am quite attached to her.

In fact, there is now upheaval on the planets surface as they discuss what I have endured here as an earth human.
My response is, why fucking send me here if you weren't aware of the potentiality of life? I do not think they were aware of the OS that exists within this planet.

That said, my life here feels like an endless struggle, and the thought of self terminating to be with a warm Wolfen woman, one of the many who have appeared to me, giving me "that look" is very appealing.

What of Asrael? I don't fucking know. Perhaps I will satisfy her desires, fulfill this cosmic mission of unity, and see what waits me, later

My "fate" after death is fluid, I have been shown many afterlives, but I am bored of this planet and the idea of experiencing life here again is repulsive to me.

No, I do not want to be reincarnated as a fucking dahlit.

In a way earth humans do not want to admit, life here is a miserable zero sum game. Will that change? Isn't that why I am here?

At what cost to me? You motherfucking ingrates.

A part of me wants to go to the Ukraine and eat some Russians for fun, another part of me, wants to develop this weapon that is in my heart, something so terrifyingly efficient it will literally end warfare on this planet effectively forever, and force these useless, pathetic earth humans to actually sort their fucking problems out, as the human race gets the humbling it so richly deserves.

One thing is certain, I might have caused an interplanetary conflict, however - I didn't cause shit. I merely reported the truth about the human experience. It is snowballing beyond my abilities to plead for mercy on behalf of this planet. Part of me is glad and doesn't give a shit, to be honest. They're years away, anyway. I don't think they have an OS to worry about. Y'all brought this on yourselves, and at this point, all that can happen is what's coming will be worse for everyone here. Maybe it needs to happen for the evolution of the human race, several races of unspeakably powerful aliens (and Wolfen) coming here to dole out a little bit of the old time justice to the earth humans. Honestly it may be the best thing.

A part of me wants to grab Asrael by the throat and hold her against the ground, snarling at her until she pisses herself.

God damn, what a fucking mess. I may yet actually see justice in my lifetime, in fact, I've already seen it in my minds eye. All I have to do is wait to see it with my human eyes.

If I surrender to Asrael as she desires, I feel like it will go a long way to soothing the growing anger and unrest on Algaleon.

An interesting fact about my home planet: their government resembles and resonates with the system of the ancient Greeks.

What a fucking day this is shaping up to be. I could stop this, (put a good word in) but would earth humans learn anything if I did? Sometimes I can be benevolent to a fault. But, so far I've been wrong about so much, can I be wrong about this? There are some who want to turn this planet into a scorched rock, perhaps they're just angry, but it turns out, with what I have sent them, they resonate with every single one of my grievances. Also: I did not lie about anything, and tried to be as impartial as I could be. Perhaps this is why they're actually listening.

I could tell them, perhaps my trauma isn't being recalled accurately, perhaps I am not justified in my anger, but my memories of very real abuse, are not imagined.

Those who once victimized me, the looks of pure horror on their faces, when they realize the implications of their actions resonates on an unfathomably cosmic scale, is something I want to chuckle at when I see, the tables having "turned", as it were. Should I desire this? Should I??? The rage in my heart demands justice. But, in the coming fire, will I still desire what's right, if it also consumes Asrael? Why not forget about her, and focus on these warm, soft wolfen women, who actually want me?

I could, send a report from my heart about Asrael, and I know it would be effective. Is my love for his wolf girl real? Is it worth eschuing justice over?

Who arranged my life? Who arranged this vast area of experiences? Who gets to live and work with wolves, shares a heart with a wolf-person, I realize a human can live hundreds of lives and not come close to experiencing a fraction of what I've lived through in just 42 years.

God damn it what the fuck.

I am, without consolation.

One thing is certain: I want to solve my issues in this life. I do not want to experience another. not on this planet. I will wait for a response from Asrael, perhaps. Maybe it's time I cared for myself for a change.

[Tundrawolf]

I'm thinking again. Aren't i

[Tundrawolf]

Well, I had a positive experience, a joy came to me a moment ago, I realized, i wouldn't be impartial if I didn't send a good report, so I collected the relevant data, and pushed it to Algaleon, and it was intercepted by a rebel living there, who told me, they don't want any good news coming there about Earth, because him and his people (it could be a rebel faction within the government) wants to come here, subjugate the human race, and consume our resources. When I say subjugate, I mean, keep a small population as slaves, and eliminate the rest. My anger against this planet very much aligns with their desires. Earth human technology wouldn't stand a chance against their weapons. Not in this era. It would be a one sided fight pretty much... We would be crushed like ants.

There are some that want to be benevolent, so I pushed the message to them.

So, I bypassed him and sent the message to all branches of the Algaleon government, because it's incredibly disappointing to know that, there are assholes even in seemingly utopian world's. As you said, Amor, "you want a perfect thing? Good luck"

Why does perfection exist within our hearts, then? As motivation to do better? Probably

[Tundrawolf]

Okay so a lot has happened.

I opened lines of communication wider with Algaleon.

I attempted to turn the rebels in to the government, but a being intervened, and asked me why I would do this without knowing the full story, so I relented. An important lesson, and you are right, I shouldn't delete entities unless I'm aware of all facts.

I was able to travel outside of myself, and see myself objectively, it was "eye opening"

Asrael is right, I have to become harmless in my intentions.

Please confirm Amor: we are going to be visited soon, possibly by aliens from my planet (why I am here)

The OS knows this, and knows they're about to get rekt. Which is why they attached to me, in hopes of being saved\changed.

Earth is being observed by an Algaleon (not it's actual name) scout ship. It's beyond visible light range, but it sees Earth in subspace.

"It" could go a number of ways, good for Earth humans, bad for us, or a combination, if they decide to visit.

I pushed another report, giving Algaleon the go ahead to visit. Hopefully before the fucking morons "in charge" start world war 3.

The feeling I get from the consensus of the Algaleon government is, earth doesn't have much to offer them, they don't "need" us for anything, but if enough negative reports reach the rulers there, they may pay earth a visit, and it'll probably be not a fun time for this planets sapient individuals, possibly the entire planet altogether.

If we aren't busy making life shitty for each other so that I have to keep sending negative reports, and I send enough positive reports, they will share their technically with us, and humanity on earth will be uplifted in our beings

The reason they're so angry with how I've been treated on his planet, isn't necessarily because royalty is visiting hre using this body, is because despite what Hollywood has shown us in the movies, taking this planet over is "an easy training exercise" for them. I am told a minimum of effort would be required, on their part.

They would prefer to be nice, however, as human evil does not concern them (they have evolved passed it)

If we decide not to visit it will be very bad for the human race, I'm told.

What do you mean i am low on the pecking order, I'm seeing governments change, I'm brokering peace (hopefully) with other inhabited planets LOL

But I get it, kings don't get fed to the Wolfen.

I also understand there are many other things unfolding in countless worlds.

We are talking about aliens that can turn metal into liquid without touching or heating it...

I don't think they're too worried about the aliens living here I could be wrong.

I think a part of the OS has been trying to stop me, I believe, because in this time line, their kingdoms l, their way of being is scheduled for a change, they think they can stop it by taking me out. Interesting.

(Good news for me) now that they have an open channel with me to observe this world, it feels like I have fulfilled a life goal.

Algaleon was weirdly interested in individual people in my life.

"We want to do something about them" as a favor to me. I am told certain aspects of our DNA, if they visit, are going to be "deleted".

This is necessary to end suffering

"I" do not experience death. Ever.

That's all I know

(I wish this body would stop hurting =(

Yeah I think that all

The reason I can be so honest is, they know earth humans cannot match their strength (kind of arrogant, but if ya got it, ya got it. I asked my friend today if he thought I was schizophrenic. He told me, he knows a schizophrenic person, and he says I'm crazy [yes. Correct!] But not schizophrenic. The maybe I am in actual contact with "aliens"

It's hilarious that in a short time from now (if we're lucky) we're either going to fix ourselves and evolve a slower way, get wrecked, or be uplifted, depending on how well we exceed our inherent limitations

It's interesting, and I know I'm a basic individual- how many things can be simultaneously true at once...

[Tundrawolf]

The aliens from my planet tell me it's considered "racist" to group them with the "aliens" here. Racist and ignorant, but they'll let it slide LOL

They think it's funny I think they're pretty good damned arrogant

But I am scared of them, too. Which didn't make sense, because they would have known about the OS.

It's very strange - but I am new to this

(But no. I'm serious, it's like not using someone's pronouns)

I've to be sorted out more, emotionally before I am granted more authority (just like you said, Amor!)

Amor, do you believe in spontaneous healing? Like being healed in your other bodies to facilitate wholeness in this present physical realm?

[Amor]

>do you believe in spontaneous healing?

It may look spontaneous but there are many elementals and nature spirits involved in almost all dis-eases

[Tundrawolf]

I went to her and asked her for her thoughts on the matter.

She said, "choke me harder, daddy."

I scoffed. She said, "you have the power, but I have the teeth." And bared her throat with a grin.

She is shaping up to be a sassy girl.

She likes being called a crazy bitch

She knows a small scout ship with two Wolfen would be all thats needed to subdue this entire planet

If I had everything to do over again, I would follow her every wish and desire from birth. It's only fighting her that defeats myself.

I am told Algaleon doesn't really give a shit about Earth. That if they saw how dysfunctional this planet was (observing human behavior up close) they'd leave us a lifeless rock drifting in space until we go sucked into another astral bodies gravitational wake.

[Tundrawolf]

It's fairly ironic given limited human understanding that this whole exercise is getting me to love myself more.

It's only trying to love her that I realize I am incapable of loving myself, and that is the issue, here.

Also disappointing

[Amor]

The Flame exercise is sufficient

[Tundrawolf]

I took my ragged mess of my experiences here, and pushed it all to Algaleon, and a female government official stopped the data stream. She said, there is upheaval right now within their government. Apparently, they have been waiting for me to become self aware for a long time. There's more going on here than I'm aware of, more of a mess and multiple dynamics my human intellect can't wrap itself around. (Not my problem, but I am told they have a humanitarian mission for us that doesn't involve military intervention, but it is being argued over- much like me, tempers are in the mix right now. In a way I am trying to calm them down, because if I allowed my temper to reign, it would be bad. I am glad Asrael stopped me)

The rebels "are a problem", and me trying to intervene was an issue. Why I need to keep my nose out of it (but they DID try to stop my report. They [the Algaleon government] are FAR more benevolent than we, they give their opposition a voice, because they might actually have a legitimate point)

I have to sort myself out in this life, because if I don't, what happens after I'm gone will possibly be sorted out here (the dark desires I have for Armageddon will be actuated in reality, fantasy-reality)- or maybe not. Maybe I reached out to the darkest realms in power-and they responded, loaned me the rage to survive to carry out my mission it feels like the universe tried to stop.

Today... I began to befriend my anger. As long as I see my anger as an enemy, he will continue to be an enemy. He becomes more reasonable when I strike up a friendship with them.

I asked a friend (the one Asrael visited) why everyone hates her, I realized we don't "share a heart" we are "connected at the heart". He said, "you don't know her!"

I said. That makes sense. However, as I realize she is a guide for me, be it a cruel one at times, her heart is also pure, and this dynamic is her teaching me how to be harmless (necessary to join the intergalactic union. Harmless=\ dangerous, contrary to the beliefs of many humans) and pleasing as an individual, rather than from a position of vicious violence.

As I humble myself and allow her to teach me, she stands before me, asking me for my wisdom in matters she herself needs assistance in.

"Hurt me, daddy."

She says with a grin when I bring up my anger.

"Forgive him. Let it go."

She says. I NEVER would have, for a moment, thought those words would have come from her mouth, of all beings, an offended Wolfen is literally the most dangerous creature in existence.

THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING ASRAEL I WANT TO TASTE THEIR FUCKING BLOOD, THIS IS IN YOU!!!

And, she says, "meh. Let it go."

WELL I'M NOT DOING IT THEN

she changes the subject: "how does this work? Show me." She gives me a look, like it'll be worth my time if I do. She asked to taste something I was eating, and I chaneled her, adlet her taste it. I felt her hope and joy rise when I did this, as if she was here, eating the same food as I was. It was a new experience for her. She is very wise.

We are shaping one another's character.

Learning to share space in a way that benefits the other, fully. I have to die within myself to accomplish this. It is not "easy"!

Of all the beings in existence to help me with my anger, she'd be the last one I'd pick, yet she is perfect for the job.

It's like, her being called to me from the depths of the abyss, and searched for me until she found me

I will also never be happy on earth without my Wolfen lover. I will forever be searching for the One I left behind on this mission.

I am told there is an even split: half of Algaleon wants to introduce themselves to Earth, (on one hand, with organic destabilizing energy weapon, on the other with a benevolent sharing of technology. Not sure if it's propaganda or not but they said, their weapons are limited only by the laws of the universe\galaxy. We have touched on it slightly with "zero point" physics. However, they are much more learned and experienced. And, I'll die before I empower the present human race. We are well passed the fuck around part. We are well into finding out)

The other half wants to sort their government out so that certain grievances are addressed. "Earth? We have real problems right here!"

I was raging over the shit I have to deal with day to day as a FUCKING HUMAN, and my friend told me, of the story when I was well within my rights to smoke this human who was attempting to assault me on my own property over a vehicular incident (over which he was partly AT FAULT), however I exercised meekness an allowed this violent human to keep living, when he saw the gun in my hand, my friend told me, I changed his life forever, "gave him a new lease on life he will never forget". My friend told me he was proud of me for sparing him that day. My friend, I realize, is a sponsor and a guide, and has-been instrumental in my development outside of the OS original design, wich was a suicidal person.

It's so God damn interesting separating my HUMAN THOUGHTS from my ALIEN BRAIN. Nearly EVERYTHING is FINALLY starting to MAKE FUCKING SENSE.

My confusion over this life and me not fitting in ANYWHERE is finally making sense. This isn't my home and I don't WANT IT TO BE. I want to DEEPLY SMELL my Wolfen lovers TOES (accepting and LOVING ALL of him!) and collapse IN HIS ARMS, and TAKE CARE OF HIS NEEDS to the UTMOST, collapsing on his muscular chest until it's time to make him an amazing breakfast as he stands behind me, smelling my naked body... I could go on but this isn't that type of website

What are HUMANS going to do when godlike aliens visit here, and they're all bisexual, ever single one of them? What are you going to do, when an eight foot tall, six hundred pound Wolfen warrior likes you? He has a three hundred eighty IQ and will show you the edges of the universe, if you let him... What are you gonna do? Stay home and watch Netflix? As for me and my house, I'm gonna learn what he likes, and show him why I'm a great choice. (He wouldn't be snifing around me, otherwise. Shame is a disease)

Because earth has so much to offer, right?

Lawl, no.

And when I'm done making sure he's so satisfied he sleeps for days, I'm gonna go give the same treatment to that cute Wolfen lady who smiled at me so warmly at that restaurant. I won't rest until she knows I know every inch of her being, and she knows mine.

It's gonna be an AMAZING time for all of our lives. Fuck human prejudice

There is no end to the blessing of being with a people who have their bullshit sorted OUT. The present earth human race has never known completion, yet we search for it endlessly... Then reject it when it appears because we're offended...

I've seen the education we are about to (maybeee) receive, and there isn't a single entity on earth that will not be affected by it. (Or, we can all die, having not been intervened with. It's an intergalactic miracle the human race has progressed even this far- I was shown an unuplifted, unevolved human race, and how this word would literally exist and continue in harmony without a single human being existing in this world. It is truly a miracle I even have this phone!)

I am filled with a RIGHTEOUS RAGE against the base DNA that is infecting the human race on Earth and allowed to remain empowered. Which is why I wonder if a GREAT RESET isn't a bad thing.

I am told it's going to all get sorted out. First shall be last type of shit. Literally.

You are correct, Amor, we need to evolve. I am gearing up to do what it takes to comply with the glowing list.

I am doing the flame exercise, I did it yesterday. It takes time and energy that are in short supply for me. I am still oppressed by many entities, and I do not know how to "deal with them" as you put it, outside of summoning the rage to annihilate them with extreme prejudice that affects everything they know for as many generations as I have the will to affect.

And, you're right, none of this affects anything at all. I am spinning my wheels.

I want my Wolfen lover, and I'm sad until then. I will attempt to keep the beast at bay

[Amor]

>I want my Wolfen lover, and I'm sad until then

What is the "I" that is doing the wanting?

When you stand in the Flame, do you still feel that want?

[Tundrawolf]

>I want my Wolfen lover, and I'm sad until then

What is the "I" that is doing the wanting?

When you stand in the Flame, do you still feel that want?

No

[Amor]

Good!

[Tundrawolf]

Good!

I'm not supposed to have any desires? Or is that too black and white?

It seems like a new page has been turned in our relationship.

Asrael (again, not her real name) has revealed to me that, the early visions of her in "heaven" and being married to a powerful nephilim were her hearts feeling about her childhood, her training, her ascent to power. It's interesting to feel how soft her heart actually is.

She knows I'm having to move away from the OS, and eventually we will part ways, but I'm endeavoring to be as present with her, to make her life a little brighter. To make space with her so she doesn't feel like she's all alone in the darkness.

She is revealing an eitrly new side to her personality, this, I believe, is that part of her that she shows to her friends.

I told her I want to be present with her, and she said it didn't mean we can't help one another, and grow together.

I also haven't seen Soft Asrael. That is worrying, but I understand things can be chaotic.

My friend warned me about astral projection, and said there are demons that "care nothing for you and just want to get to earth" and while I believe that, I asked him if he'd been listening to a thing I've told him since he knew me... Still, no danger in the communication with Algaleon has presented itself... If I encounter any harmful beings I have to purposely seek them out.

I also met the opposite of myself, my counterbalance, that was scary to see my antithesis.

Asrael has taken a much lighter aire, since I chose to become more harmless to her (basically, controlling and releasing my anger)

[Amor]

I'm not supposed to have any desires? Or is that too black and white?

It is a matter of learning to control/manage/refine the functions of the emotions, mind, heart and will

[Tundrawolf]

I'm not supposed to have any desires? Or is that too black and white?

It is a matter of learning to control/manage/refine the functions of the emotions, mind, heart and will

That is precisely what is happening. Each time certain topics get brought up, my ex tells me I don't resemble the old person she met 8 months ago.

Also, as Asrael feels like she can trust me-a HUGE fear she had was that I as going to hurt her heart if she ever trusted me... I still feel some deep seated anger in her heart for me, but there could be other issues, such as being treated like an object by her handlers... Never treated with dignity or love... So I push out compassion to her, dignity, respect, tenderness and love. She is grateful, but you can't just go from eons of anger to friendship overnight, so I empathize with her anger, and I accept that at least to her, she is justified in it- so I feel it is legitimate as well. I told her, allow me to prove to you that I actually do care about you. The motivation to do so comes from the deepest chambers of my heart. Yeah. She a novelty in a way. But I want to get to know who she really is. She's been treated like an object long enough. It's time for someone to prove she is Worthy of being loved.

Ironically in doing so, I find gaps of a lack of love for myself... As I heal those, I am better able to give her higher quality soothing emotions. (And myself)

She's a bit closer to me, and truly, it's frightening, but I am being brave, I told her my sincerest desire was to hold and protect her- not that I can physically, but, I can project love, acceptance, and admiration of her being for her to accept. "I think my feet are big and ugly..." I tell her they're absolutely beautiful, powerful- and I wouldn't change a thing, even if I could. I'm able to do this for people, some times. It is my pleasure to do his for her.

I am told it will be give and take. And she will need space from time to time to sort herself out.

[Tundrawolf]

Let's say, she's as much of an emotional mess as I am... She's allowed my will to shape her beliefs, and she has even begun to show me a "personality".

I asked her, not to get into trouble or put herself at risk (don't make her supervisor mad- but she told me she's given free reing and can come and go as she pleases... She can retire at any time she wants...)

Let's say, that she no longer wants to be part of the OS, and wants to be broken out... Is that possible?

I was told, whatever work I am doing for her is in her heart... Basically just a good feeling, letting her know she's admired and appreciated... But there may be a physical way out.

Of the many who have stepped into the light, some have returned to the darkness, some have "transcended" and changed... I told her she may step into the light when she herself desires to do it, but she's not ready, yet.

I asked her to, when she's comfortable doing it, to untwist my boy so at least I don't feel in pain. I was shown it's actually my decision to remain this way, and it's actually benefitting me some how, but the core decision that caused the attack on me still feels impossible to change, although I am getting closer, there is just a ton of fear and negative energy packed in around it.

I would like to be free, eventually, however