I started practicing alone in May based off reading Regardie the Middle Pillar, only LBRP at first. Practiced meditation and extensive psychoanalysis to help clear self. experienced some great gains mentally and emotionally in terms of stability and emotional clarity. Added Middle Pillar in July and I also will occasionally perform free form prayer after LBRP but before MP, Christian prayer, usually directed to Jesus or a saint. Things were going very well until August.
My grandmother was very ill and before visiting her, always performed MP to steel aura and self. After her death, the morning of, at the time of her death, I woke when she died and was deeply troubled and could not sleep. I got a call later telling me of her death. I got in the car to drive down and heard Freebird playing. I forgot to perform anything. After visiting granddad, saw several crows in yard, no surprise, they came to pay respects no doubt, and when I got back in the car knocking on heavens door was playing.
Maybe all of that is irrelevant, but since her death there is literally no energy when I try to perform MP. Barely any with LbRP. What is wrong? I feel that was the turning point. I can't feel anything at all. But do find if I cannot sleep that to do LBRP will still put me to sleep easier, even though I feel no energy.
I don't know if its this site but my computer is having serious trouble letting me type up this message.
Your help, suggestions, comments, appreciated.
LBRP and middle pillar no energy, why? Help?
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Casophilia
- Neophyte
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Sun Oct 06, 2013 7:13 pm
Re: LBRP and middle pillar no energy, why? Help?
It sounds like you're in mourning, possibly depressed, and that this is subduing the energetic activity of your subtle body. Give it time to come to terms with your loss and don't stress yourself too hard in the meantime, imo.
"The path of the Sage is called
'The Path of Illumination'
he who gives himself to this path
is like a block of wood
that gives itself to the chisel-
cut by cut it is honed to perfection"
- DDJ, Verse 27
"It's still magic even if you know how it's done." - Terry Pratchett
'The Path of Illumination'
he who gives himself to this path
is like a block of wood
that gives itself to the chisel-
cut by cut it is honed to perfection"
- DDJ, Verse 27
"It's still magic even if you know how it's done." - Terry Pratchett
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Casophilia
- Neophyte
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Sun Oct 06, 2013 7:13 pm
Re: LBRP and middle pillar no energy, why? Help?
That's something I never would have thought of. We weren't close. I haven't known her until the last few months of her life, but yet a possibility. Have been spending more time with my (step) granddad as well since she passed.
Re: LBRP and middle pillar no energy, why? Help?
In that case, I have no idea.
"The path of the Sage is called
'The Path of Illumination'
he who gives himself to this path
is like a block of wood
that gives itself to the chisel-
cut by cut it is honed to perfection"
- DDJ, Verse 27
"It's still magic even if you know how it's done." - Terry Pratchett
'The Path of Illumination'
he who gives himself to this path
is like a block of wood
that gives itself to the chisel-
cut by cut it is honed to perfection"
- DDJ, Verse 27
"It's still magic even if you know how it's done." - Terry Pratchett
-
Nahemah
- Benefactor
- Posts: 5077
- Joined: Wed Apr 01, 2009 9:49 pm
- Location: Sunny Glasgow by the Clutha's side
Re: LBRP and middle pillar no energy, why? Help?
Perhaps you are sad because of the time you didn't get to spend with her?
We can still mourn the loss of someone whom we'd like to have known longer or better,so give yourself time and space to acknowledge this and deal with it appropriately.
I'm sorry for your loss.
We can still mourn the loss of someone whom we'd like to have known longer or better,so give yourself time and space to acknowledge this and deal with it appropriately.
I'm sorry for your loss.
"He lived his words, spoke his own actions and his story and the story of the world ran parallel."
Sartre speaking of Che Guevara.
Sartre speaking of Che Guevara.