New Member Alert + The Burden of Knowledge

[mmlozza]

Good evening to you all!

I'm 28 years old and have recently discovered the basic "truth" about all (well, probably most) things conspiratorial in this world. I experienced satori about 6 weeks ago and have since found my way into the magical arena. I have begun practising in the form of sigils and just using my will to make things happen, with mostly positive results. However, my plight does not lie with these practicalities...

...I am finding that I'm not able to say anything to the people closest to me regarding what I know. I've told my fiancee, my dad and about 3 of my friends. Luckily they're fairly open-minded and have a lot of love for me so they don't think I'm crazy, but I feel deep down that this is a path I'll be walking alone, save my potential newfound online colleagues!

I was just wondering how other people cope with this "gift and a curse" situation of knowing what everyone else should know and not being able to tell them? Well, that's how I see it anyway. It'd be great to hear your thoughts, as well as any other tips you have for a fledgling such as myself, although I know a lot of it's been covered in this Beginners section so if no-one wants to reinvent the wheel I completely understand!

Warmest regards, and hopefully I'll be able to contribute regularly to this forum. You guys do a great job.

I know so much, yet at the same time I know nothing at all.

[Ramscha]

So what exactly do you know or rather don´t know?

Anyway, welcome in our ranks.

Dealing with the "truth" is avery complicated topic. I found out that people living their truth don´t want to hear my truth and the other way round. It is like asking a conservative classic fan to listen to death core music. Anyway, truth is not true as long as it is not metal, only metal is true!
Or to speak aside the riddels, true is what your filters tell you is true. If your filter is the playboy newsmagazine, then it is alright for you, if not, then you have a problem because other truths can become rather complicated when you look at them with more then just a half of an eye.

Ramscha

[mmlozza]

Thanks Ramscha, much appreciated.

Well, I know that I'm here to do more than spin the economic wheel til I'm 76 and then pass into nothingness in a box. I know that all religion seems to be more like a "Greatest Hits" compilation of events rather than anything concrete, and I know that things don't just happen for a reason if you don't want them to. Everything is subjective unless it can be proven objectively. Opposites are the same, and sometimes more "true" than what we're led to believe by governments, media and religion. Everything is on the same scale. The universe can be manipulated. These are a few things I've learned in the last 7 weeks.

You're right about the truth though, it is 100% subjective. I'm sure your truth would either be terrifying or extremely beautiful to me, but as you said, it depends on what your filters allow you to accept. The main thing I've come to realise is that believing in yourself is the main key to accomplishing things. That's not to say I refuse to acknowledge everyone else's existence, but it's nice to finally know that I don't just have to let things happen in my life without choosing to let them happen (well, situations more than events). Even just typing this to you I realise that there's more than one perspective I can take on it all! As I said in my quote though, despite discovering these things and feeling enriched for it I know that there's a whole world out there that I know nothing about, and hopefully I'll cultivate the cojones to look into certain things and experience something more than what the objective reality has provided me with so far!

MMLozza

[RoseRed]

feel deep down that this is a path I'll be walking alone, save my potential newfound online colleagues!

I was just wondering how other people cope with this "gift and a curse" situation of knowing what everyone else should know and not being able to tell them?

It's called The Lonely Road for a reason.

You take one day at a time. Most people don't want to hear the 'truth'. You've been at this for 6 weeks. Are you entirely certain that the knowledge you've gained is accurate?

but it's nice to finally know that I don't just have to let things happen in my life without choosing to let them happen (well, situations more than events).

I know there's empowerment in that line of thinking but it doesn't always hold. Shit happens and sometimes there's not a damned thing we can do about it or stopping it. If you hold onto that idea too tightly, when something does happen, it'll be a bitter disappointment and a huge surprise.

[mmlozza]

RoseRed - Thanks for replying.

It's called The Lonely Road for a reason. You take one day at a time. Most people don't want to hear the 'truth'. You've been at this for 6 weeks. Are you entirely certain that the knowledge you've gained is accurate?

To be honest, I've taken some of my cues from the Armageddon Conspiracy website. A lot of what has been said on there seems to make a few things click into place for me. Everything else has been from my own deduction, which led me to start reading about magic, and it resonates with me a lot more than anything else I've seen or heard in my life. As I said before though, I'm very aware that I still don't fully understand the way everything works. I'm not about to invoke or evoke spirits or demons that I know nothing about in order to do my bidding for anything. Any advice you could give me would be cool though.

I know there's empowerment in that line of thinking but it doesn't always hold. Shit happens and sometimes there's not a damned thing we can do about it or stopping it. If you hold onto that idea too tightly, when something does happen, it'll be a bitter disappointment and a huge surprise.

I totally agree. I'm not under the impression that I'm master and commander of everything in my life, nor would I try to do such things. I was just more recognising that it's nice to be able to have more control of your life rather than be restrained to the limits of the physical world.

[varmoth]

Hello, mmlozza. I remember how exciting it was when I first began learning 'truths' a few years ago, though it took me a lot more than six weeks to really 'get into the arena'. I was still influenced by my Christian upbringing to an extent and was fearful and timid, glad to hear you are coming along stronger than I did.

Getting to your question, I first started learning and practicing about nine years ago and haven't really told anyone beyond casual mentions to a couple of close friends while I was drunk, and I have regretted it every time. If I told my family they might burn me at the stake, so I practice like a witch during the Salem trials and keep my mouth shut. It usually doesn't bother me, but I am very introverted and usually keep to myself. I joined this forum because I wanted to have an avenue for talking about the occult and don't know anyone that I can do that with.

Also, I have very strong political and moral convictions, so when I feel the need for to 'enlighten' someone or have a deep discussion I go to politics. My advice: if you cannot discuss one aspect of your life with others, find something else you are passionate about that you can talk about.

[mmlozza]

Hey vermoth, thanks for replying!

I wouldn't say I was fully in the arena just yet, just mainly doing sigils and cultivating some will, confidence and belief in myself that has lain dormant since childhood, or at least until social pressures kicked in!

I agree, I feel that this forum will be the outlet for anything I need to talk about with regard to that front. I used to be introverted as a child but as I say, social pressures kicked in and the desire to be "part of the crowd" took over any logic I kept. Luckily it seems to have returned to me at the right time in my life!

Thanks for the advice. I've got plenty I can talk about with people, I'll just need to make sure I curb my enthusiasm for "other" things in public. Interesting point though; my friend asked Siri on her iPhone a question the other day: "do you believe in the New World Order?" Siri replied "no comment". My friend asked why, Siri replied "You see things and you say 'Why?' But I dream things that never were and I say 'Why not?'

I found it ironic that you can ask Siri the answer to one of the biggest questions in the world and you'll get it!

MMLozza

[mmlozza]

PS - Many apologies for misspelling your name, varmoth!

[Frumens]

Welcome to the family, mmlozza. I remember when I had a desire to share occult knowledge with others. It can be great fun when the other person is open-minded and accepting, but the conversation usually isn't so positive. Plus, some people might act open-minded, but on the inside they're still judging you. I think I stopped feeling the need to talk about it with everyone when I realized that occultism isn't going to be the main thing in my life. When I first learned about any occult knowledge it felt like the most important thing in the world, because it's the truth. And if the truth is true (it is), it must be of the utmost importance!

But, it turns out that my truth isn't the same as everyone else's truth. Further, I have no inclination to convert people to my view of the world. I certainly wouldn't want them to do that to me. Here are some questions I'd like to ask you:

*Why do you want to share your truth with others?
*Do you need to share your truth with others?
*What do you hope to gain and give by sharing your experiences?

[varmoth]

PS - Many apologies for misspelling your name, varmoth!

Ha! varmoth is an accidental misspelling of the name I had intended to use, but I don't care at any rate. Names might be held in esteem by some, but for me they are simply useful tools to be used and cast aside. Hell, most people I know aren't even aware of my given name. Not something I intended, but I prefer it that way. Thank you for recognizing your mistake anyway.

[Lucius]

I can really relate to this.

My answer, join a group, find your family.

As an exorcist I have to lead a literal double life, I constantly have to lie to my family when I need to travel to work a case (at least twice a month), I need to try and distance myself from my family etc.

It only really got better when I joined my Order, now I have a family that I can talk to about this stuff.

Sorry if this has been said before, but my advice will be to read a lot, find out what magic you like, then find a group that practices it and join them.

At the end of the day, we all need friends.

Hope this helps.

Lucius.

[mmlozza]

Frumens and Lucius - thanks for replying, very much appreciated.

Frumens:

"Why do you want to share your truth with others?"

I wanted people to realise that there's more to this life than what we're presented with as we grow up. However, as soon as I saw this question I realised that regardless of whether they believe it or not it will still be my truth and my life, and no amount of sharing will change that. Also, on reflection, if others looked into "the truth" they might see a totally different version of it to myself!

"Do you need to share your truth with others?"

I guess I don't, really. I think this is something which I'll become increasingly more aware of as time goes on. I've gone through stages of excitement and feelings of isolation, and will probably continue to for a time seeing as I've only just started practising, but I know ultimately it's up to me to level myself out.

"What do you hope to gain and give by sharing your experiences?"

If it's possible, I'd like to think I can bring new ideas and takes on existing methods, although I've only just scratched the surface and have only used sigils. For example, I don't know if anyone's tried using Morse code to create sigils but I thought it was a good idea if people find erasing the mental image of a sigil difficult! That being said, I've only had minor success with sigils so far. I'm undeterred though, just means I need to work harder. Also, if anyone knows of a good method for self-hypnosis I'd be interested to hear it. I downloaded Virtual Hypnotist, which has a couple of decent spirals but no voice input and seems to be text-only despite what it actually says! I know that achieving a trance-like state is the key to all of this and I'm yet to reach it, save experiencing the twirly vision, so if you have any input for me I'd be very grateful! Overall though, I'd like to be able to help people as much as they can help me. The fact that most people do seem to be sympathetic, helpful and understanding regarding the "trivialities" I'm presenting tells me I'm among good people. As for what I hope to gain overall, I just want to find my niche!

Lucius:
I was afraid that this may end up happening, that I may have to develop a duality and become two different people (to a fashion, at least). How do you balance that? What do you do when the pressure starts taking its toll? Obviously your Order will help, but what about the moments when you're alone with your thoughts?

I'll look into seeing where the nearest Order is to me and what they do. I've looked at quite a few things so far, the first being Chaos Magic. I've looked at witchcraft and lately I've been reading about the Left-Hand Path. Something inside me is telling me I need to overcome fear of the darkness and embrace it in order to become successful. That being said, Chaos Magic has no rules so surely I can just create my own path and things will eventually start to work? This may be naivety talking but I'm eager to learn so I'll happily be put right if I'm making basic errors.

Thank you all for your input so far, it's nice to talk to like-minded people and gain different perspectives!

MMLozza

[RoseRed]

I was afraid that this may end up happening, that I may have to develop a duality and become two different people (to a fashion, at least). How do you balance that?

You're looking at this the wrong way. You don't need to develop an alter ego or a duality between public and private faces.

Try to think of a person (any random person will do - including yourself) as a muti-faceted gem you'll get the idea. The pretty rock is a whole within itself. Each facet of it is a part of it but is not the whole of it. As you turn the gem and see each facet - that's a different part of yourself. Depending on which way it's turned - you see a different 'face'. The most brilliant jewels have the most facets cut into it. It's how they reflect the light.

You're young yet so you may not have realized that we all have different 'faces' that we show the world. When you're alone with a loved one - they see a certain facet of you. When you're at work you show your 'professional' side. When you're with someone that you're angry at they see you're mad side. You don't behave the same way at a hockey game as you would at a church service.

There's no reason for you to create a duality. Which facet you show in public is already a part of you.

And quite frankly - what you do is nobody's fucking business unless you choose to share it with them. I enjoy my privacy. What I do is no one's business unless I choose to share it with them. It was difficult in the beginning not to share because I was so exited about it but it caused more problems than it was worth.

Most people simply don't want to know what you're truth is. They're content to live in their own.

[mmlozza]

Try to think of a person (any random person will do - including yourself) as a muti-faceted gem you'll get the idea. The pretty rock is a whole within itself. Each facet of it is a part of it but is not the whole of it. As you turn the gem and see each facet - that's a different part of yourself. Depending on which way it's turned - you see a different 'face'. The most brilliant jewels have the most facets cut into it. It's how they reflect the light.

That's a brilliant way of interpreting it! I wish I'd thought of that before, it makes so much sense.

You're young yet so you may not have realized that we all have different 'faces' that we show the world. When you're alone with a loved one - they see a certain facet of you. When you're at work you show your 'professional' side. When you're with someone that you're angry at they see you're mad side. You don't behave the same way at a hockey game as you would at a church service.

You're right, and I'm aware that we all present different faces depending on our immediate situations. I guess it's a case of learning how to incorporate all facets of the gem so that the light is reflected at all times!

And quite frankly - what you do is nobody's fucking business unless you choose to share it with them. I enjoy my privacy. What I do is no one's business unless I choose to share it with them. It was difficult in the beginning not to share because I was so exited about it but it caused more problems than it was worth.

Yeah, I've learned that it's probably best to keep things to myself. The people I have told about it during my epiphany moment are fairly open-minded but as stated in an above post, there's probably still an element of judgment or cynicism. Not like it matters, it's not gonna stop me from pursuing these interests.

Most people simply don't want to know what you're truth is. They're content to live in their own.

I agree. It's just a shame to see and hear people I care about believing that money is the only thing that matters in life, or that we're all here to turn the corporate wheel. I feel like discovering the information that I have has given me a brand new lease of life. But you're right, it's not for me to push my opinions onto them. I just feel good that the creeping suspicions about there being more to the world that I've had since I was a teenager are correct!

[RoseRed]

I guess it's a case of learning how to incorporate all facets of the gem so that the light is reflected at all times!

Not quite.

Part of day is night. You can't have shadow without light. Dark defines the light and vice versa.

I have a theory that most people go 'dark side' for a while. There are some things that can only be learned in the 'dark'. If and when that time comes to you just keep in mind that the multifaceted rock is still whole whether it's sitting in the sun or the dark.

I think that some of life's lessons add facets to us as we grow. While the lessons and hard times may royally suck - in the end - the gem shines all the brighter for it.

[mmlozza]

Not quite.

Part of day is night. You can't have shadow without light. Dark defines the light and vice versa.

Sorry, I meant reflecting the light in terms of discovering the hidden aspects of myself rather than actual light! I'm gonna have to watch my wording in here aren't I? [lol]

I have a theory that most people go 'dark side' for a while. There are some things that can only be learned in the 'dark'. If and when that time comes to you just keep in mind that the multifaceted rock is still whole whether it's sitting in the sun or the dark.

I feel your theory may be right, it's something I've been thinking about. Do you have any tips on how to approach this? I've been reading Uncle Setnakt's Essential Guide to the Left-Hand Path, and a lot of it seems to resonate. I feel like I'll need to stay up late some nights and sit alone in the dark to overcome the fears and associations. I've been thinking to myself that I'd still be the same pleasant, friendly person regardless of whatever magic I choose to practice.

I think that some of life's lessons add facets to us as we grow. While the lessons and hard times may royally suck - in the end - the gem shines all the brighter for it.

You're right. It wouldn't be much of a life if there were no challenges or obstacles to overcome. RoseRed, how did you decide which magical path to take?

[RoseRed]

Sorry, I meant reflecting the light in terms of discovering the hidden aspects of myself rather than actual light! I'm gonna have to watch my wording in here aren't I? [lol]

Yeah. LOL We can only go by what you write.

I've been thinking to myself that I'd still be the same pleasant, friendly person regardless of whatever magic I choose to practice.

We all change over time and in relation to the things that happen in life.

A lot of the times that I've seen it, going dark side wasn't so much a conscious choice, although there are times when it is. Sometimes things happen that make us so angry or hurt and it can be a slippery slope. Think of someone you know or knew that was in a really bad place. Did they purposefully choose to be there? Were they the same pleasant person they always were before? Were they able to find their way out of the dark? This is one of those times where mindfulness is so important. If we general we - not specifically you and I) don't pay attention to our own actions and feelings we can wake up one day and not recognize who we are.

Plus certain types of magic/k can take a toll on you and change you from the inside.

RoseRed, how did you decide which magical path to take?

I was born to it. I didn't so much choose which path to take. The gifts and abilities that I have and the blood lines that I come from pretty much determined that for me. All I had to do was be true to myself. Which is easier said than done sometimes. Through the years I've studied different areas of the occult and have incorporated quite a bit into my own magical practice and spiritual views. There are some things that I suck at. There are other things that I'm really good at. A lot of it is trial and error. You may 'rename' your path as the years go by depending on what strikes your interest. So long as you're walking it and living it - I don't know that it matters so much what you call it. Naming it makes it easier for others to identify what it is that you do.

I'm a Witch. There's a lot of things that fall under that heading. Some of what I do falls under other headings.