Feeling "Awake"

[solace_of_shadows]

Hello! Very glad to have stumbled across this site. I am very, very new to the occult. I was a christian until my late teens, I am now twenty-eight. Ever since I denounced that faith, I started to feel a change for once. I began more or less as an atheistic agnostic, but had a few very intense experiences, especially involving energy. I was around a very toxic crowd for a while where in a former band, some members were loosely into Paganism and Satanism, other people we knew into Aleister Crowley. I participated in rituals with both, as well as doing my own soul-searching and a ritual with one of the band members that was quite life-changing. I have experienced some very powerful things, especially of other band's music with magick weaved into it. Experiencing that was one of the things on my journey that really piqued this interest... I am no longer in touch with that band or anybody from that crowd, (the environment was terrible and controlling so I quit), and it's a small town, so there are very few people I know that are into this stuff. My health also took a turn for the worst last year and stopped me in my tracks, so I just focus on dealing with symptoms. Another reason I feel knowing about this stuff is important. I haven't had an easy life, and I suspect something got to me spiritually when I've been so vulnerable.

Since I need to learn so much, and I lack knowledge, I have yet to find which path to take, which set of practices. But I am interested in Paganism, as well as chaos magic and the formerly listed things. I am wary, however, of anything involving christianity in the slightest (such as conjuring angels), this disturbs me, so in that sense I don't know what to think about Aleister Crowley. I could be very wrong, as I am so new. But I hope I find my path somehow, as my hunger for it is insatiable.

Anyway thanks, I hope to learn a lot and to get to know others here with the same passion.

[corvidus]

Welcome to the forums

[Maya The Generator]

Hello, have a nice day ^^

[littledeadybear]

Even though I never denounced my Christianity, I too had a very strong Christian upbringing that I turned away from in my early adult years. My strong experiences came from sex magick and mental projection; however, I find that there's very little escaping Christianity the further in you get unless you're purposely avoiding it, and the further one delves, the little it matters; it becomes a matter of picking and choosing which name you prefer or which system you enjoy working most, but the result is always the intent you placed into the work rather than a result of using one system or another. And, in a sense, Christianity is merely the largest known and worked system for spiritual alchemy. Personally, I try to stay away from it, because if I don't I find it tainting the way I feel about things, such as shame or guilt for dabbling in that I shouldn't. The less I keep God out of mind when I think about sigils, evocation and what not, the easier I rest at night.

Perhaps you would enjoy Bardon's IIH, who considers "god" to not be a god as Christians would define, but a force that we're created from--or so my rudimentary knowledge of his theory goes, in much the same way that physically humans are made of star stuff.

We are both complete novices, so I hope to see you around more often! It will be fun having someone to grow with.

[solace_of_shadows]

Thanks! I appreciate the responses, I hope that we can further our knowledge.

[Desecrated]

If you want to avoid christianity in magic, you are going to have a bad time.

Our entire society has been dominated by christianity for 1700 years. Almost every bit of literature, culture and so on has strong influences of christianity in it. It has produced certain symbols, imagery and thoughts that we simply an not get rid of.

The fun part is learning how to work with it, and how to use it to your advantage.