I'm willing to explore

[Dalovey]

So I'm a natural witch and I found this out when I was 12. I found this out because I had things I would do that I honestly thought everyone did. For example I had conversations with the sky without any problems. I can still do that to be honest. Stopping the rain isn't hard at all and making the sun come out is rather easy. I have had the rain tell me it will stop but it will be back later and to finish the reason I asked it to stop. It really did come back later and it wasn't the first or last time.

I remember using this ability once while on a trap and I freaked out my class mates really bad. I was tired of the rain and I decided to make it stop. I decided to ask the rain to stop and it came down and talked to me. I know all clouds have their own life and energ and it spoke to me. It actually argued about stopping and was rather annoyed I even asked. I started to fight it back because well it was rather frustrating and wouldn't take any of my deals. I was winning and the rain actually stopped coming down but my focus was broken by a guy coming up to stand next to me and giving me and the sky funny looks. He asked me what I was doing and in my focus I told him. At first he didn't believe me until he stepped out into the rain and from under the building and realized it had stopped. However it started up five minutes later because I had lost complete focus on it. I eventually created a spell that will prevent the sky from opening up if I get to it before it starts raining so it's honestly rare I get rained on. It's a simple energy charging spell I made up when I was younger it's easier then talking to a cloud that already decided it would rain. You simply block it from raining for a period of time and it has never failed. I have had people comment on how the rain hit the ground the moment I stepped in the door more then once. My husband is amazied by this ability and often asks me to get rid of the rain for a big when the Internet is messing up. To be honest I don't do it for silly reasons like that unless he's on another trip and we just want a quick Skype.

The relationship between a witch and nature isn't about love it's about respect. You can hate the rain as much as you want but if you ask it to go away for too long it will avoid you to punish you. Sounds crazy and this hasn't happen to me but I know it can. You can be the cause of a shortage of water in your area and this should be taken with responsibility. I did however have a habit of making clouds in the sky with a spell I created when I was little. I didn't like sunny days and I realize now that days of sun are as important as days of clouds. It's a balance between light and dark the world and every person should have and if fucked with it can end badly. The sun nourishes the plants so who am I to deny them food just because I don't like the sun?

I don't walk threw spider webs because of a spell of mine and I refuse to creat a spell that will destroy the webs. It's a spell that makes them move and come back. I have walked threw trees with no problem just to have a friend of mine walk right threw the web. I honestly thought it was funny wondering why she never just did it for herself.

I had some trouble with wind spells if you want to call it that. I can't control it as well as I would like. I once caused a very bad storm that made a tree branch fall on my house. This time I wrote the spell unlike my usual energy magic and I also wrote a reverse just in case it went bad. The resulting storm was crazy...I mean wind clashed so bad tiny tornadoes of water formed in the deep rain. I wanted to cause a storm as bad as demons on tv do. I was a kid and it was a bad idea.

I can hear spirits when I'm willing to listen. I can hear what sounds like voices and thoughts of others flow threw my head when I don't block myself off. I have been touched by things I can't see and followed by things I can see but can hear in the grass. I have tones of stories to tell and I'm not looking for an adience I'm looking for a place where I won't feel crazy and I can honestly get advice and help.

Growing up I had dreams and lessons on witchcraft and life alike. I dreamed I was being sent to school by spirits who considered themselves in charge of me. I have blocked them off and only in deep sleep do they reach me again. They won't ever leave me but I'm afraid. They have never hurt me either just made me feel abnormal.

I'm an empathic individual and I know I have telepathic tendencies.

There is a meditation I came across where you focus on a flame and turn everything around you black with your focus. Would you believe I did that by accident? I didn't even know it was a thing I just know it freaked me out the first time I did it.


once at a shooting range it was raining pretty bad. No one seemed to mind and we layed on these platforms. I was annoyed because I didn't want to get wet I just wanted to shoot and go home after. I remember focusing on the sky and how it stopped raining and began to clear. I remember wanting the sun to dry my platform and how it worked. I had almost forgotten my ear plugs focusing on this. By the time I was done my platform looked like it rained hrs ago and only bits of rain water from puddles are left. I tried convincing myself I didn't do that. It was also very warm to lay on as I didn't want to be cold. I consider that my first time using fire as I normally don't mind the temperature and I'm not a fan of heat but it was comfy. Besides it was take a platform as they opened up so considering I had no idea which one I would get but it was just what I wanted went too far for me in a way.

Fire is an interesting element I dare not mess with at the moment because I'm too afraid of myself. I love nature and animals but I can't much thing of anything I've done with each besides have a nice talk. It's too big for me I guess as I mostly do small things but I know I can do more.

The voices are another thing on their own. Conversations and advice as well as warnings. I have been helped home by one of them before when I was lost. The voices however are a story of their own and not e same as the thoughts and conversations.

I seek serious advice and help concerning this.

The Joy of satan people want me to join them. They claim I am a a child of one of satans sons and valuable to some war of theirs. The creepy thing is they don't know each other. If I had to have any god it would be satan and if I had to have a goddess it would be the Galaxy then the earth.

When it comes to witchcraft I know things and kinda stick with it. Like how a ritual is made by someone but it's not for everyone. A spell is done one way but maybe you need to do it another way. I have cast spells written by others and found more power in my edited for me. However as I try to not sound arrogant my spells could be almost universal because they have no words and are mostly based on focus and intent.

I don't believe in dark or light and I don't believe in karma. Considering what I said about the dark and light balance it sounds like a contradiction but they are not even related in my eyes.

Anyway with that small bit of background I hope someone can help me out a bit. I have looked so many places and would like to know more about what I can do and where I should look. part of me is worried I'll leave this site feeling rejected or neglected or out right targeted because others thing I'm trolling.

Just please if you take me seriously talk to me.

[Sypheara]

I believe you, as will others here.

I don t think anyone here will want to push you in any direction.. But you ll find plenty of information around this site to help you and produced by our members..

I work with Lucifer.. One of his masks is Satan.. One he shares with Belial.. And I can tell you categorically that joy of Satan are nothing but a black hole of talent, sucking in talent and screwing people over.

They have no skill, and are nothing but fascists doing third rate occultism.

Avoid.

[Dalovey]

I work with Lucifer.. One of his masks is Satan.. One he shares with Belial..

What does that mean?

[Shinichi]

You're not going to get a lot of jabs or doubts here. Questions maybe, but not the hostility you seem to expect. A lot of us have experiences that are similar to your own, and most of what you mentioned is very normal for Traditional Witchcraft. Don't be scared of who you are.

And as for JoS, yeah. Avoid them. You're not going to come across a single practitioner with real talent, real education and real training who is going to have anything good to say about them.



~:Shin:~

[corvidus]

welcome to the forums!

It's nice to see you here.

Anyway with that small bit of background I hope someone can help me out a bit. I have looked so many places and would like to know more about what I can do and where I should look.

What are you interested in doing?

[Dalovey]

What are you interested in doing?

I need to become more comfortable with the things I can do. I want a sense of direction and a place where I can ask questions if I need to. I'm terrified of being thought crazy so if I can have someone help me just a bit I'd be happy. I'm not asking for a teacher not that I would turn one down or anything. I guess I'm just asking for someone to talk to about it or a forum where I can look for advice. I'm tired of people explaining me away as insanity. I have been looking for help for years now and I'm at the point where I am unhappy because I ignored it so much it's out of my control completely. I'm a natural witch with no control what so ever of her abilities and it's effecting me badly. I have moments where I hear everything front thoughts to conversations at distances I don't even know if they are dead or alive. I have moments where I keep opening and closing my eyes so I can see what's in front of me and not the vision before my eyes. I'm tired of sensing things or randomly leaving my body. I need help because I'm so scared of myself now that I'm terrified of seeking help. I mean I honestly thought at least one person would call me nuts.

My own energy creates things that only I can see and when I relax they go away. I have honestly lost control of my abilities and I'm just glad I never once tried anything with fire like I did the rain. It sounds crazy but I'm afraid sometimes. I just feel like one day I'll be locked up in a white padded room knowing I'm not insane but too scared of myself to go against what others say about me.

I'm just seeking help because the joy of satan only offered confusion. They believed me too and I loved them for that but at the same time it was like many people shared in mass delusions and that detail scared me. So many of them are scary teens or adults with literally no life's and mental disorders. I don't mean to mean to them honestly I don't. However I met a women who literally chirped all the time. She thought she was a damn bird cat thingy from another planet. I honestly wouldn't have minded it but everyone in the group had the same problems poor and unhappy. No one had to train to see satan and many people fought over what was said. Everyone skipped training and went to the advanced stuff. I'm not much for being hateful I don't hold grudges so I quickly lost interest in their hate Jews propaganda and saw that honestly that's all they had to offer. I just want help and this time I want to be somewhere I can get real answers and feel with all of me that it's good advice. Honestly they kinda freak me out now and they did before I joined so I knew they where bad I was just desperate. Hopefully this place is better?

[Shinichi]

This place is much better than JoS, and there are several other forums all over the net that are genuine and peaceful as well. There are several folk around here, including some with much experience in witchcraft, who can help with a lot of questions. You just have to sort them out and ask.

I would like to recommend the link in my signature, if it fancies your interest, as it's a basic training manual I designed to focus on developing basic mental peace and psycho-emotional fortitude. You need to learn to be okay with yourself and handle your fears appropriately if you are going to explore this facet of your life. You're not crazy, just different, and there's nothing wrong with that. But as most of us know by now, Power responds to emotion, so the sooner you learn to control your own mind and heart the sooner you will be able to control your Power more confidently and with much less risk of it going off randomly. You're like someone who is very physically strong - there's nothing unnatural about it, you just have to learn how to stay in control and how to use enough finesse that you don't break things without meaning to.

This is about personal development as much as it is about skill development, and you'll achieve that best by embracing who you are and exercising it instead of being afraid of who you are and suppressing it. [smile2]



~:Shin:~

[Dalovey]

This place is much better than JoS, and there are several other forums all over the net that are genuine and peaceful as well. There are several folk around here, including some with much experience in witchcraft, who can help with a lot of questions. You just have to sort them out and ask.

I would like to recommend the link in my signature, if it fancies your interest, as it's a basic training manual I designed to focus on developing basic mental peace and psycho-emotional fortitude. You need to learn to be okay with yourself and handle your fears appropriately if you are going to explore this facet of your life. You're not crazy, just different, and there's nothing wrong with that. But as most of us know by now, Power responds to emotion, so the sooner you learn to control your own mind and heart the sooner you will be able to control your Power more confidently and with much less risk of it going off randomly. You're like someone who is very physically strong - there's nothing unnatural about it, you just have to learn how to stay in control and how to use enough finesse that you don't break things without meaning to.

This is about personal development as much as it is about skill development, and you'll achieve that best by embracing who you are and exercising it instead of being afraid of who you are and suppressing it. [smile2]


~:Shin:~

Thank you that's one of the most relaxing things anyone has said to me about this and I'm honestly surprised that I haven't been attacked yet and I'm actually getting reponses. I was afraid no one would reply and I'd just end up leaving again. Honestly thank you and I will look at the link and give it some heavy thought.

[Shinichi]

Welcome to the light side. We may not have any devilish cookies, but we do have lots of love and kindness to share, and we only tear people limb from limb when they earn it. [yay]



~:Shin:~

[Sypheara]

And also welcome to the dark side.. We offer respite, relaxation and occasionally cookies if we are feeling nice. We dont bite, mostly. [devil]

What I mean by I work with Lucifer, I mean he is one of my primary patrons, second only to Hecate, and that I work with him in possession and invocation. Lucifer has a maskor appearance as one of his aspects that follows that of the fallen Angel. Belial was created from his flesh so shares this mask but individuates himself appearing more often as a black ram.

Joy of Satan have no genuine connection with either entity that wears these masks.

I mention this because you mentioned Satan. If you want to know about that im free to talk. However I feel Shin offers you the best advice for now and you should follow that.

[Dalovey]

And also welcome to the dark side.. We offer respite, relaxation and occasionally cookies if we are feeling nice. We dont bite, mostly. [devil]

What I mean by I work with Lucifer, I mean he is one of my primary patrons, second only to Hecate, and that I work with him in possession and invocation. Lucifer has a maskor appearance as one of his aspects that follows that of the fallen Angel. Belial was created from his flesh so shares this mask but individuates himself appearing more often as a black ram.

Joy of Satan have no genuine connection with either entity that wears these masks.

I mention this because you mentioned Satan. If you want to know about that im free to talk. However I feel Shin offers you the best advice for now and you should follow that.

I'm going to follow that advice no worries. I do want to know more I kinda left satan for a bit because of the above out of control and the simple fact that I couldn't find anyone who seemed real. I stuck stuck with natural (earth) energy after that because it's soothing.

[Caerdon]

Welcome to the light side. We may not have any devilish cookies, but we do have lots of love and kindness to share, and we only tear people limb from limb when they earn it. [yay]



~:Shin:~

What? No cookies?! I've been lied to this whole time!!!! [oh]

All kidding aside (unless someone is willing to bake cookies that is) welcome here to the forum! I've found myself here a little while ago and have had nothing but good experiences here.

Shin has said some very good advice there. I would also add in some advice on practicing what you can do, though more than just activating what you can do. For instance, you mentioned alot of control over rain. Instead of just turning off the rain when you want, a good exercise could be to variate the amount of rain that is falling and altering it after setting a base rainfall amount.
You can apply this with just about anything you've described that you can do. It helps you to get into tune with your abilities and allows you to control the amount you sense or do.
Though the visions I'm not sure for as sensing and getting them are not a natural talent for me, I have to actively call them up (for the most part) rather than having them appear naturally.

The things that you do with your energies will be the easiest to get under control. As you say, anything that your energies constructs without you willing it goes away when you relax. You just have to concentrate (with internal awareness) and find out what part of you that you relax actually makes the energies cease. This will go a long way in helping you controlling your abilities.

Anyways, hopefully you can find the help you need here and enjoy your stay!

[Dalovey]

Welcome to the light side. We may not have any devilish cookies, but we do have lots of love and kindness to share, and we only tear people limb from limb when they earn it. [yay]



~:Shin:~

What? No cookies?! I've been lied to this whole time!!!! [oh]

All kidding aside (unless someone is willing to bake cookies that is) welcome here to the forum! I've found myself here a little while ago and have had nothing but good experiences here.

Shin has said some very good advice there. I would also add in some advice on practicing what you can do, though more than just activating what you can do. For instance, you mentioned alot of control over rain. Instead of just turning off the rain when you want, a good exercise could be to variate the amount of rain that is falling and altering it after setting a base rainfall amount.
You can apply this with just about anything you've described that you can do. It helps you to get into tune with your abilities and allows you to control the amount you sense or do.
Though the visions I'm not sure for as sensing and getting them are not a natural talent for me, I have to actively call them up (for the most part) rather than having them appear naturally.

The things that you do with your energies will be the easiest to get under control. As you say, anything that your energies constructs without you willing it goes away when you relax. You just have to concentrate (with internal awareness) and find out what part of you that you relax actually makes the energies cease. This will go a long way in helping you controlling your abilities.

Anyways, hopefully you can find the help you need here and enjoy your stay!

The rain idea kinds frightened me and there is the problem I need help with. I'm terrified of myself when it comes to training Im more likely to avoid it or completely just suppress it. I'll keep the training ideas in mind.

About the visions I think for you it's just the work you needing to be done on your third eye. Once you open that up more you should be able to have them easier or at least faster when calling. Opening the crown can help clear the pathway as well. Opening the voice will allow you to speak them better. And this is where I stop randomly saying everything that comes to mind.

The summer heat turns me into an insomniac and I'm finally feeling tired so night.

[Caerdon]

The rain idea kinds frightened me and there is the problem I need help with. I'm terrified of myself when it comes to training Im more likely to avoid it or completely just suppress it. I'll keep the training ideas in mind.

About the visions I think for you it's just the work you needing to be done on your third eye. Once you open that up more you should be able to have them easier or at least faster when calling. Opening the crown can help clear the pathway as well. Opening the voice will allow you to speak them better. And this is where I stop randomly saying everything that comes to mind.

The summer heat turns me into an insomniac and I'm finally feeling tired so night.

Yeah it's a bit of a catch-22 there. You need to train in order to get more confident and to not get so frightened of your abilities, but your fear of your abilities are preventing you from training.
The rain was just an example [wink2] , and something perhaps to work towards. You should start small and on "safer" parts until you feel confident to tackle the bigger aspects that you can do, such as the energy constructs that you sometimes make unconsciously. As you learn control over one part, you gain more control over other parts as the skills are transferable.
Something that could benefit you would be to find a space or area that is isolated that you can go to and just let yourself go wild with what you can do, relaxing the iron control you have in holding them back for a while and explore what you are doing and what you can do before recalling it. It will probably be scary for the first few times, but it'll help you get over your fear of losing control.

And don't worry on saying what comes to mind, any advice you can give is always welcome [thumbup]

[Dalovey]

The rain idea kinds frightened me and there is the problem I need help with. I'm terrified of myself when it comes to training Im more likely to avoid it or completely just suppress it. I'll keep the training ideas in mind.

About the visions I think for you it's just the work you needing to be done on your third eye. Once you open that up more you should be able to have them easier or at least faster when calling. Opening the crown can help clear the pathway as well. Opening the voice will allow you to speak them better. And this is where I stop randomly saying everything that comes to mind.

The summer heat turns me into an insomniac and I'm finally feeling tired so night.

Yeah it's a bit of a catch-22 there. You need to train in order to get more confident and to not get so frightened of your abilities, but your fear of your abilities are preventing you from training.
The rain was just an example [wink2] , and something perhaps to work towards. You should start small and on "safer" parts until you feel confident to tackle the bigger aspects that you can do, such as the energy constructs that you sometimes make unconsciously. As you learn control over one part, you gain more control over other parts as the skills are transferable.
Something that could benefit you would be to find a space or area that is isolated that you can go to and just let yourself go wild with what you can do, relaxing the iron control you have in holding them back for a while and explore what you are doing and what you can do before recalling it. It will probably be scary for the first few times, but it'll help you get over your fear of losing control.

And don't worry on saying what comes to mind, any advice you can give is always welcome [thumbup]

Should I use meditation? I'm not sure how to relax the control so I'm thinking distressing. I'm so tense my shoulders hunch up and I realized when I relax my shoulders the constructs go away. I have been wondering if meditation can do it. However I will admit on a level I'm scared of meditation.

The last time I meditated something grabbed my side. It was a huge hand that just grabbed me and let go as fast as it came. I know ways to prevent bad entities doing that but it's just as scary when the "good" ones do it. I have even had one slowly run its finger down the middle of my back but that wasn't meditation. When I was younger I used to have bad dreams that I could wake myself up from. If I couldn't wake up something would tickle me away. Giving me something to focus on besides feeling trapped. Even then it was scary because I'd still feel it a few seconds after waking up and it felt so real.

How do I prevent that kinda thing? i honestly have such a high wall up they can't touch me and I can't relax physically the build up of resulting energy is what's driving me nuts. I used to be really good at picking up emotions and finishing others peoples sentences when they are talking to me. I will admit I blocked that up a bit as well. It resulted in me having moments where my ears and mind are clouded with voices like being in a room with thousands more people then it could fit. Or me seeing things they want me to see and I can't fight away.

I once saw a little girl being drowned in a pond in her back yard by some man I believe she was related to or her mother was seeing. How do I prevent losing my control like that again? Open close the eyes and it's there no matter what I want.

When I was younger and lacking control over the empathy and telepathic ones I changed my personality at times. My mom used to tell me I was acting wrong and she hated it when I did that but honestly I couldn't help it. Now I can push such things down much easier as I know when it's showing up. Imagine a warm energy pushing its way from your feet to your head and you push it right back out. I've found the thoughts to be contrary to my own but because I was open to them they could have change my entire opinion on a situation. It works even better if the person wants you to understand their view and next thing you know your arguing for their side not understanding how you even got in it!

I don't want to go back to times where I am debating with myself on how I responded to a situation and weather or not it was truly me. How can I relax and let it all go without scaring the hell out of myself? Can I let go of one thing at a time? Do I have to do it all at once?

[RoseRed]

I'd just like to clarify something here. The JoS is a cult like group. OF is a forum - a simple gathering place for people of like minded interests to get together and have discussions. I've seen OF compared to the coffee shop in the cool area of town. Personally, it's a library of information. Searching through the older threads would serve you well.

You don't start off with hurricanes and tornados when it comes to practice work.

[Dalovey]

I'd just like to clarify something here. The JoS is a cult like group. OF is a forum - a simple gathering place for people of like minded interests to get together and have discussions. I've seen OF compared to the coffee shop in the cool area of town. Personally, it's a library of information. Searching through the older threads would serve you well.

You don't start off with hurricanes and tornados when it comes to practice work.

Thanks! I've already been looking at other posts and exploring still getting to know the site and getting comfortable.

[Rin]

The others have covered it quite nicely, only got three things to chip in:

Find a good teacher - the more personal contact with said teacher, the better. You'll do orders of magnitude better with some kind of personal guidance than you will trying to stumble through the dark with only books and the internet.

Yes, you should absolutely meditate. Although again, under the guidance of a teacher, especially if you're already experiencing these kinds of phenomenon without any teaching. Unless you live in a remote rural area you should be able to find a meditation center which runs beginner classes without any real effort.

Avoid JOS. When an entire forum can agree on something, then you know you should take it seriously.

[Dalovey]

The others have covered it quite nicely, only got three things to chip in:

Find a good teacher - the more personal contact with said teacher, the better. You'll do orders of magnitude better with some kind of personal guidance than you will trying to stumble through the dark with only books and the internet.

Yes, you should absolutely meditate. Although again, under the guidance of a teacher, especially if you're already experiencing these kinds of phenomenon without any teaching. Unless you live in a remote rural area you should be able to find a meditation center which runs beginner classes without any real effort.

Avoid JOS. When an entire forum can agree on something, then you know you should take it seriously.

I'm always a bit iffy about teachers to be honest. finding a teacher that understands one way isn't always the right way and my personality would be freaking halarious. I'm getting over the level of fear I used to have and I honestly have a good idea of what I need to do. I never imagined a teacher on my path and that's not out of arrogance it's because of how I think. It would take one hell of a person to hold my attention and again that's not ego it's just how I am I believe most people are like snow in my life. I don't mind having someone I can ask questions but the problem is the look most give me. Like I did something too out there or like I'm living some kind of insanity. It happened so often I'm prepared to back out of the situation without so much as an argument and just acceptance of that persons views. It's a waist of time to try at times. To have a teacher would mean they need to earn my trust and truly explain things to me in a way I can understand. My fiancé is the only one who has managed this and it's because he took his time getting to know me. In the world today many people have lost the true meaning of getting to know a person.

I learn from observation and I don't spend time explaining my actions even to myself. I'm the it is what it is person and finding someone who can handle my personality that flips and changes according to what I am thinking can be frustrating.

I once had this person in my life who was completely convinced I was an idiot. One day they asked me a question and my response was so intelligent it shocked them and I never saw them again. It's not intentional and I'm not bipolar I'm just different and it's hard to find someone who can understand and wants to understand that difference. Finding a teacher would be seriously hard...

Im not sure I'm explains this properly...

I have mastered the style of talking about everything else but myself and leaving someone convinced they truly know me. So actually sharing my views and about myself can be completely out of my element.

I would say my problem stems from my ability to predict people I have met and turn out correct. It's not hard to do so and I use it to find out if they are worth it or not. It's how I met my soon to be husband who is more then worth it he's perfect. I can manipulate an entire situation to get what I want purely based off feelings and following my thoughts and images I see.

If I can predict even the slightest bit of reason to move along I will move along. It frustrates my mother like crazy and the one time I took her advice and just made a friend regardless of what I feel I ended up in a bad situation. I won't even so much as turn a corner if I feel it's bad. I have people besides my husband to be like I want to get to know my aunt who has a perfect balance with me but I refuse to go near or be alone with her recently ex husband because something is really off with him. He's showing everything I thought about him turned out correct.

It's just really hard to do something I don't feel even the slightest bit of connection to. If the teacher said meditate on this and I didn't feel connected to it I would hope they would ask questions. I had this one person try to teach me and he didn't even allow me to say no. I tend to think I know what's best for me based on how I truly feel and what comes to mind.

I have been known to put a perfectly good looking Apple back and pick another at the store because I simply thought it was the better choice. To be honest it could be that someone else touched the apple and I reject their energy for a better feeling Apple. I don't know I didn't bother explaining it I just do. I'm tired of being written off...

[Caerdon]

The others have covered it quite nicely, only got three things to chip in:

Find a good teacher - the more personal contact with said teacher, the better. You'll do orders of magnitude better with some kind of personal guidance than you will trying to stumble through the dark with only books and the internet.

Yes, you should absolutely meditate. Although again, under the guidance of a teacher, especially if you're already experiencing these kinds of phenomenon without any teaching. Unless you live in a remote rural area you should be able to find a meditation center which runs beginner classes without any real effort.

Avoid JOS. When an entire forum can agree on something, then you know you should take it seriously.

I'm always a bit iffy about teachers to be honest. finding a teacher that understands one way isn't always the right way and my personality would be freaking halarious. I'm getting over the level of fear I used to have and I honestly have a good idea of what I need to do. I never imagined a teacher on my path and that's not out of arrogance it's because of how I think. It would take one hell of a person to hold my attention and again that's not ego it's just how I am I believe most people are like snow in my life. I don't mind having someone I can ask questions but the problem is the look most give me. Like I did something too out there or like I'm living some kind of insanity. It happened so often I'm prepared to back out of the situation without so much as an argument and just acceptance of that persons views. It's a waist of time to try at times. To have a teacher would mean they need to earn my trust and truly explain things to me in a way I can understand. My fiancé is the only one who has managed this and it's because he took his time getting to know me. In the world today many people have lost the true meaning of getting to know a person.

I learn from observation and I don't spend time explaining my actions even to myself. I'm the it is what it is person and finding someone who can handle my personality that flips and changes according to what I am thinking can be frustrating.

I once had this person in my life who was completely convinced I was an idiot. One day they asked me a question and my response was so intelligent it shocked them and I never saw them again. It's not intentional and I'm not bipolar I'm just different and it's hard to find someone who can understand and wants to understand that difference. Finding a teacher would be seriously hard...

Im not sure I'm explains this properly...

I have mastered the style of talking about everything else but myself and leaving someone convinced they truly know me. So actually sharing my views and about myself can be completely out of my element.

I would say my problem stems from my ability to predict people I have met and turn out correct. It's not hard to do so and I use it to find out if they are worth it or not. It's how I met my soon to be husband who is more then worth it he's perfect. I can manipulate an entire situation to get what I want purely based off feelings and following my thoughts and images I see.

If I can predict even the slightest bit of reason to move along I will move along. It frustrates my mother like crazy and the one time I took her advice and just made a friend regardless of what I feel I ended up in a bad situation. I won't even so much as turn a corner if I feel it's bad. I have people besides my husband to be like I want to get to know my aunt who has a perfect balance with me but I refuse to go near or be alone with her recently ex husband because something is really off with him. He's showing everything I thought about him turned out correct.

It's just really hard to do something I don't feel even the slightest bit of connection to. If the teacher said meditate on this and I didn't feel connected to it I would hope they would ask questions. I had this one person try to teach me and he didn't even allow me to say no. I tend to think I know what's best for me based on how I truly feel and what comes to mind.

I have been known to put a perfectly good looking Apple back and pick another at the store because I simply thought it was the better choice. To be honest it could be that someone else touched the apple and I reject their energy for a better feeling Apple. I don't know I didn't bother explaining it I just do. I'm tired of being written off...

Eh, I never had a teacher either, and I think I've done quite well for myself [thumbup] Not everyone needs or requires a teacher. For myself, I couldn't find anyone who could do what I wanted to learn in the way I understood or was able to do, so I had to develop my own way. However, that being said, I still listened to other people and talked to those who had more experience in order to figure some things out when I got stuck. They didn't always have the answer, atleast not entirely, but they helped point out the path for me.
I'm sure that everyone here can understand how it feels to try and explain the metaphysical and what you can do to someone who doesn't live with it or understand. It's... not a pleasant feeling being at the end of that look.
As for your intuitive insights, you should always listen to them. There's a reason as to why you feel it, even if you don't understand the why.

Now, that teacher you described wasn't a proper teacher. it is a teachers duty to answer the questions of the students and explain something until it clicks with the student. This is especially important when dealing with stuff relating to the metaphysical. Not only will you not get the proper result if the student isn't into it, but it is extremely dangerous as well.

[Dalovey]

I'm glad you understood where I was coming from. Yes I love getting good advice like the ones I got in this forum. Everyone seems so nice and nothing they said so far seemed off in anyway. It's like having a group that's telling me being afraid of myself is silly while the world around me tells me I should be locked up or on pills.

[RoseRed]

If you have reason to fear yourself (or are afraid for those around you), then by all means, see the correct type of physician for the problems that you're having. Ruling out medical and/or physical issues is the very first thing that anyone should do. It's simply common sense.

Saying that 'I'm in touch with nature' doesn't always mean you need to be medicated. There are plenty of mentally disturbed people that have nothing to do with the occult. The most dangerous people I've ever met avoid it like the plague. It really makes me wonder why anyone like that would marry a witch.

[Dalovey]

What? I'm not mentally disturbed...
I like to think I'm rather stable I do however suppress my abilities. For example the meditation where someone touched me and didn't hurt me. I was so frightened that I could feel that and I knew it was because I was open to I literally haven't been able to meditate for very long or that deep in years.

Im so suppressed but I'm hardly afraid of myself as a person in fact some think I'm rather narcissistic. [happy]

[Dalovey]

In fact that's why I started this whole thread and asked for help. I need a way to balance this fear so I can learn to control it. I've gotten to the point where my fear harasses me in the form of thought form I know I have created. I realized if I literally relax my entire body it's easier to get rid of them. I would have to guess my fear comes more from what I can't see and now that I think about it I might be afraid of the unknown because I can't see it. I'm so used to hearing seeing or knowing that when I don't or can't explain it I lock up. I just now noticed this...

[RoseRed]

I was replying to this:

. It's like having a group that's telling me being afraid of myself is silly while the world around me tells me I should be locked up or on pills.