What are some good snappy comebacks? (O.O)

[Kami]

Don't be a party pooper and turn this post against me,
Aight?
Thayntyew... L.O.L.
Just be warned... this post ain't pretty and I wasn't born to please anybody. >___>

I will give y'all some embarrassing scenarios to think about and then formulate a snappy come back?

Mmkay?

Mmmkay.

Ohhtay,

Here are some terrible scenario's:

Let's say you're an unhealthy eater and that your stomach is cooking up something deathly down there, you know that your poo will smell like hell (unlike most others) ... I'm talking radiant stink bomb of the end of the world - and that also.. you hate making poo in public because of all the nasty noise your stinky pinky makes, you also hate the discomfort of stretching and pushing thayaht nayahstee stuff from down below - out.

Now let's say you're using a public restroom, and someone comments on your activity:

Stranger: "Flush that sh*t! Nigga!".
You: "..."

What would you say to that stranger?

Here are my replies:

Stranger: "Flush that sh*t! Nigga!" D:<
Me: "Ohh, You No Like'Ah'Dehway My Poo Smells?"
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Stranger: "Dafuq you say?"
Me: "iSay, YOUU… Ah'No Lyka'Dehway My Poo Smells?" (;

And then the stranger gives up and walks away.

Okay yeah I know this post seems unpleasant... but bear with me I'm only sharing my methods of coping with the rest of the world and Am hoping y'all would be so kind as to share your methods on coping and dealing with the harsh world. ~

Here is another terrible scenario:

Let's say you have a hard time getting out and being social because you just cannot relate to the social groups around you; but you start going out (for health sakes) and people start picking on you or feeling sorry for you treating you like you are a child and that you're always wrong and that they're always right, Mmkay?

Now what replies will tear them a new hole for f*n' with you?

Should you get the lyrics of a youtube video of your favorite trashtalker and print it out with your editing, fill in the blanks, the blanks being the arseholes who target you?

I know that my favorite trash talker is "Sid The Squeaker/Evil Elmo" on youtube.

Sid The Squeaker Makes Scottish Man Rage - C.o.D.

Should I or should I not do this to feel better after people influence me to feel bad.

[Kami]

Sid The Squeaker Flirts With A Sexy Girl - C.o.D. Trolling:

And my favorite... Creationist Cat!

I don't know about creationist cat but I can most certainly adapt to jackarses with evil elmos trash talk scripts. :3

[Cybernetic_Jazz]

If someone tried to talk to me on the can I'd probably ignore them - they're nuts already.

People giving you a weird vibe in a social group is a bit more complicated - ie. it depends on what to figure out what meets it.

[whiteswan1988]

This is a hard one. Comebacks are an art, not a science. Meaning, even if you can memorize a specific line to say in a specific situation, it's not as good as learning how to formulate the comebacks on your own. Give a man a fish, feed him for one day, teach him to fish, he never goes hungry again kind of thing.

I am often good at comebacks (from growing up in a family that was both very sharp and logical minded, and yet also opinionated and stubborn and don't use that logic, so I was forced to sharpen my reasoning stone to defend myself). I would never get heard in my family, no matter how much logic I had, but being a kid, I wasn't aware this was what was going on, and I figured if I just had enough proof, I would get through to them. Never happened.

I think what you need to do is to sit down one day, and look at typical conversations people have with you, or things they say, and figure out good comebacks yourself. How? By figuring out just what it is they're saying, and why it's untrue. Just sit in your bedroom, or play a video game, or jog, or while sitting (shitting) on the toilet , or while in the shower, or while in some place you can go into "thought mode" or "hypnosis mode"...and THINK. Just think about why the things they are saying are untrue, and say back to them just what is untrue about their statement.

I kind of did this unconsciously sometimes when growing up, but looking back (hell, I still do it actually!), I think this is the process I'm using. You get better and better at the process the more you practice, like you learn how to say things in fewer words, and with better tone of voice, etc.

Studying logical fallacies can also be great in making good comebacks, or at least in teaching yourself the process of proving others wrong.

https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/assets ... herRes.jpg

http://www.logicalfallacies.info/

https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/659/03/

http://www.nizkor.org/features/fallacies/

Remember- always use proof and do not attack people unfairly (like don't mention their race or gender because that has nothing to do with their goodness or badness as a person) or try to prove someone wrong unless they really are wrong.

[Kami]

This is a hard one. Comebacks are an art, not a science. Meaning, even if you can memorize a specific line to say in a specific situation, it's not as good as learning how to formulate the comebacks on your own. Give a man a fish, feed him for one day, teach him to fish, he never goes hungry again kind of thing.

I am often good at comebacks (from growing up in a family that was both very sharp and logical minded, and yet also opinionated and stubborn and don't use that logic, so I was forced to sharpen my reasoning stone to defend myself). I would never get heard in my family, no matter how much logic I had, but being a kid, I wasn't aware this was what was going on, and I figured if I just had enough proof, I would get through to them. Never happened.

I think what you need to do is to sit down one day, and look at typical conversations people have with you, or things they say, and figure out good comebacks yourself. How? By figuring out just what it is they're saying, and why it's untrue. Just sit in your bedroom, or play a video game, or jog, or while sitting (shitting) on the toilet , or while in the shower, or while in some place you can go into "thought mode" or "hypnosis mode"...and THINK. Just think about why the things they are saying are untrue, and say back to them just what is untrue about their statement.

I kind of did this unconsciously sometimes when growing up, but looking back (hell, I still do it actually!), I think this is the process I'm using. You get better and better at the process the more you practice, like you learn how to say things in fewer words, and with better tone of voice, etc.

Studying logical fallacies can also be great in making good comebacks, or at least in teaching yourself the process of proving others wrong.

https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/assets ... herRes.jpg

http://www.logicalfallacies.info/

https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/659/03/

http://www.nizkor.org/features/fallacies/

Remember- always use proof and do not attack people unfairly (like don't mention their race or gender because that has nothing to do with their goodness or badness as a person) or try to prove someone wrong unless they really are wrong.

So... if I learn to freerap - would I also find it easier to formulate clever "burns" for my comebacks?

Are there any methods to learn "freerapping" without feeling like a complete noob?; all the techniques on the internet are good and all... but they do not make it an easily understandable process. ~

Also... would it help to learn: "self discipline", ?

And one more other thing... um - would learning to speak every word that you want to say out loud - exactly as you "thought it" ... help to combat accidental "tongue twists", or stage fright?

And one last thing; where can Iearn to train my myself how to smoothly elaborate my opinions exactly as I perceived them within my mind?
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I have a speaking problem where I feel anxiety every time I attempt to explain a conclusion or calculation that I put together in my mind, and I end up sounding stupid... I will accidentally leave out an important detail that would help people to understand exactly what it is that I am trying to explain to them, and in return - they cut me off and reply with a tone of voice that clearly suggests: "You are crazy and there must be something wrong with you, so either make sense or shut up and don't talk!", and when ever I pick on that vibe - I feel challenged... and judged as if I was a waste of time, thus I feel humiliated and anxiety begins to overwhelm me - influencing me to make even more errors; and I end up "choking", temporarily rendering me unable to perform "proper speech", impairing my ability to speak with confidence - and the rest of my day is reinforced by a low [self-esteem] feeling, and I remain speaking poorly until I can forget about that undesirable situation.
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So how do I successfully defeat anxiety in order to maintaine focus and not sound like a total idiot?

[Kami]

If someone tries to "b*tchfluence" you,
Respond back - with this:

"It looks like you want a c*ck right now,
It looks like you want a c*ck right now,
It looks like you want a c*ck right now,
Now, now, a c*ck right now,
It looks like you want a c*ck right now,
It looks like you want a c*ck right now,
It looks like you want a c*ck right nooowww."

And if he's eatin' a "hotdog" - while talking' sh*t @ you,
Respond back - with this:
"Would you like some "masterbaeyonaze" with your "c*ckdog" ... ?

'Cause...

"It looks like you want a c*ckdog now,
It looks like you want a c*ckdog now,
It looks like you want a c*ckdog now,
Now, now, a c*ckdog now,
It looks like you want a c*ckdog now,
It looks like you want a c*ckdog now,
It looks like you want a c*ckdog, right nooowww."

...

[lol]

[cyberdemon]

If I wanted my comeback I'd wipe it off your ancestor's face.


BOOOOOM

[cactusjack543]

if I wanted any comeback out of you id scrape it off your chin lolol :?:) say g lol xd

[Moth]

If someone in the UK commented on your performance in the toilet you should just give a bloodcurdling scream and subside into sobbing until they leave.

[Nahemah]

If someone in the UK commented on your performance in the toilet you should just give a bloodcurdling scream and subside into sobbing until they leave.

Quite so. [thumbup]

I am quick mouthed and considered verbally sharp, but as I'm Glaswegian, it comes naturally to me and also to the most of the rest of us.

Socially constructed niceties aren't really my thing most of the time anyway. I say what I see and mean what I say.

Unless there is a real risk of violence, why not just say whatever comes to mind and stop overthinking potential responses?

[Kami]

How To Win A Street Fight:

...LMFAO!