The Devil Tarot card

[Le Fay]

For a while I was struggling with falling asleep. So I tried a meditation ritual.
Before I would wake up at night in panick.
I am scared of the dark. I used to have vivid dreams where I wake up to a feeling of evil all around me soI would run to turn on the lights but they wouldn't turn on. So about a week ago I started to create energy filds around me to aid me if I feel threatened. I havent had a panicking wakening, but before I went to sleep the other nightI had the tarot card of The Devil from Rider-Waite deck stuck in my head. So I consulted my source and what I found out is since the meditation I opened a path to my unconscious. By acknowledging that I have fear of something, my unconscious put the image of The Devil card to help me understand better my inner self.
I am currently studing different sources of magic in which the energy is positive for a good outcome.
The message of The Devil card as it manifested for me was...
By me acknowledging the evil forces with in me, I can better work on those qualities of my self to truly bring my spirit to be as pure as it can be during my meditations.
The card also has other symbolic meanings, the two that I felt in to a trance were the sign that the Devil is making with his left hand if the card is facing you. It's the symbol of the Hebrew letter Shin, which means a righteous person who uses his knowledge for the better good. And how do I know if my magic is good?
Well by looking at the card, the devil on with his other hand is holding a torch...which is the light that guides our steps back to the surface...
could this mean because know I feel that if I ever found my self in a place of darkness and evil, my inner self would be the light that would guide me.

[Stukov]

For a while I was struggling with falling asleep. So I tried a meditation ritual.
Before I would wake up at night in panick.
I am scared of the dark. I used to have vivid dreams where I wake up to a feeling of evil all around me soI would run to turn on the lights but they wouldn't turn on.

When I was a kid I used to have something similar happen, but slightly different reasons. I would be in my dream and realize I needed to pee, so I would travel to the bathroom in the dream (not knowing it is a dream) and go to the bathroom and try to turn on the light, but the light wouldn't turn on. Then something formless would come out of the toilet and chase me and when it "got" me it scared the hell out of me and I woke up. Ended up I actually needed to pee in the physical world and I was on the verge of pissing in my bed. And as my mother could attest, I never wet the bed.

This persisted throughout childhood, but as I got older (say around 10 or so) I started getting fed up with the "monster", though the scare helped me get up and piss, the fact this thing was always around...well pissed me off even more. So unlike when I was a really young, soon as the bathroom light wouldnt turn on in the dream I would try to run down the hall and get away. Not any more, soon as I felt its presence I would charge at it, straight into the fear and give it everything I had. I didn't care what happened, I was going to fight no matter what. Eventually, it never returned.

So about a week ago I started to create energy filds around me to aid me if I feel threatened. I havent had a panicking wakening, but before I went to sleep the other nightI had the tarot card of The Devil from Rider-Waite deck stuck in my head. So I consulted my source and what I found out is since the meditation I opened a path to my unconscious. By acknowledging that I have fear of something, my unconscious put the image of The Devil card to help me understand better my inner self.

The card can represent many different things, but no matter what they are, you are on a proper path. Understanding your inner self is paramount. Discovering what lies under your sub-conscious is a step in that direction. The path in your subconscious allows you to see what hidden personality traits lie in dormant, what parts of your self you keep suppressed, understanding these, as well as understanding where your fears come from, gives you the ability to first understand, then control who you are.

I am currently studing different sources of magic in which the energy is positive for a good outcome.
The message of The Devil card as it manifested for me was...
By me acknowledging the evil forces with in me, I can better work on those qualities of my self to truly bring my spirit to be as pure as it can be during my meditations.

I will have to wait to respond depending on what you mean by "evil forces with in you", because I had a response the first time I read it, then I read it again and realized you could mean something else.

The card also has other symbolic meanings, the two that I felt in to a trance were the sign that the Devil is making with his left hand if the card is facing you. It's the symbol of the Hebrew letter Shin, which means a righteous person who uses his knowledge for the better good. And how do I know if my magic is good?

I don know much about the minor details of tarot, I know about the cards as representations in general and the insight they can hold. However, you must first define what is good, before knowing what magic is good.

Well by looking at the card, the devil on with his other hand is holding a torch...which is the light that guides our steps back to the surface...
could this mean because know I feel that if I ever found my self in a place of darkness and evil, my inner self would be the light that would guide me.

Your inner-self should always guide you (as this is your core), but I wouldn't think you need it in a place or darkness or evil. There is nothing wrong with places of darkness or evil, you don't have to become dark or evil to understand them and walk among it, there are lessons to be learned there and one should know that many paths to knowledge are blocked by fear. Do you understand the "Fool's journey?"

[Le Fay]

Thanks for responding = )
I have been struggling with the dreams for about a decade now... so meditating for energy fields of light has really aid me.
By "evil forces with in you", I am refering to my negative qualities and the impact they have in my everyday life. The negative qualities can blind me, unable to see the light.
But even blind folded now, I can feel the positive energies that help me balane my self come from with in my heart, which carries the light.

Your inner-self should always guide you (as this is your core), but I wouldn't think you need it in a place or darkness or evil. There is nothing wrong with places of darkness or evil, you don't have to become dark or evil to understand them and walk among it, there are lessons to be learned there and one should know that many paths to knowledge are blocked by fear.

I agree with you..
In my magical journey for example, if I was to cast a spell and call upon different energies, understanding what is good and what is evil helps me determine where I draw the line between light and darkness. Your subconscious could take over your conscious magic spells and sabatage the outcome, and evil can lurk in our subconscious. Thats where the message of the Devil Card helps me reflect upon my negative self and what I need to work on.
By looking at the card and feeling the need to confront and fight him puts me on the right path for enlightment I am looking for.
I am familiar with the Fool's journey through his life experiences told by the Major Arcana.

[Stukov]

You are allowed to think what you want, but I would recommend not trying to always surround yourself with only light/positive type of energy. That isn't balanced. Dark/negative doesn't automatically equate to evil. Having part of the dark/negative means you embrace the "duality" within yourself. Trying to only to do the light/positive thing is going to keep you pushed out of balance and any dark/negative you come in contact with is going to have a tremendous pull and effect on you because you are not at equilibrium with your surroundings (as well as increase the chance you fall hard from the light). There is a place for the light and a place for the dark, understanding the differences, similarities, and what each of those places are will put you in balance. Trying only to embrace one side or the other will sort of put you in this type of "bliss" that is intoxicating and...drug like. It is a high that forsakes the opposite nature of yourself. You are more than welcome to continue on the path you are own, only felt necessary to give you some road markers so you know what some of the end results may be.

In any case you have to shed fear for whichever path you are on. Depending on the message of the card, the "devil" is often used as an object of adversary with unlimited power that which you can "attack" without any fear of hurting anyone or anything. It is like a giant "dummy" that you can punch, but it can also punch back. It allows you to train without the consequences of facing another opponent and harming the other. There was something else but I can't recall at the moment.

[Le Fay]

How do You find this balance?

[Stukov]

The whole process, or just in general?

[Le Fay]

Im interested in your view of the whole process.