Maddened by steps,
Echoes from remnants and shattered glass,
The walls besides him screamed in fear,
Creations dying in lively colours,
Darkness broke through dawn,
And his gaze pierced into infinity.
- What do you think?
Never Titled
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- Magus
- Posts: 1502
- Joined: Thu Sep 15, 2011 6:10 pm
Re: Never Titled
Its too short and needs more body. You could of course turn it into Haiku, which will allow you to keep the size short, plus Haiku forces you to think more on your choice of words.
This is a good start, but it needs to develop into something more than a few choice pieces of imagery if you want it to be better.
This is a good start, but it needs to develop into something more than a few choice pieces of imagery if you want it to be better.