Stuck in my body

[bethereal]

Hi, I have been meditating and practicing focus the mind inwards. Clearing my thoughts and controlling my breath has been my main and only goal, along with relief of tension, stress and bad feelings and thoughts. I also dream a lot (or rather sleep a lot, since my dreams occur in only 1/8 of the sleeping time, as far as my memory/perception of it goes).

Lately I've noticed that I can't coordinate my body well, especially my legs movement. I either feel them too tired or do not feel them at all, like I may be walking and rambling in my thoughts and suddenly realize I have legs and they are moving and then I ask myself why am I walking so fast?, because that's normally my case. I like to take long walks, specially at night, and this feeling/thought has not left me since I became aware of it.

Another thing is dreams. Sometimes I can become aware that Im dreaming and sometimes I can't. But in either case, and also in the ones you know you had but won't remember... Im aware of my earthly body everytime, and it feels heavy most of the time. I wake up and it is like I'm still sleeping. It didn't used to be like this I've had vivid and the most uncommon dreams in the past, in fact that has been the case most of my life. Now, it just feels like I can't leave, I can't even fall asleep properly and as I watch myself getting deeper into sleep I wake up suddenly.
I think this happened after I had this weird dream, or rather (separated) sequence of dreams but I'll just stick with the last one. I was riding on this vertical escalator of some sort in nowhere land where it moved me up and down, up and down to the floor, I got that feeling in the stomach when it pulled me back up. It went like that for a couple of times and as I was enjoying it and thinking 'this is nice, this is therapeutic' for some reason lol... The escalator rode me up, and then down but this time it didn't stop and it just kept going (I was aware that I was dreaming at this point) and it just kept getting faster and faster and faster to the point where I looked down and saw nothing but black - and a clear white skull reaching towards my face and I knew I had to wake up and then I did with my heart beating so freaking fast, my body sweating from everywhere and shaking. The curious thing was that that day I saw a drawing in a wall of that same skull (maybe not exactly the same but at least the outlines of the drawing, it just made me remember immediately).

So, does any one can reasonably connect any of this? What's happening to me? Maybe I should have some kind of special meditation rather than the one I've been on. Any tips?

btw sorry for making my first post here but I've been on this forum for quite a while just peeking around, I'll be sure to post over the introductions section. Thanks

[Desecrated]

Everything seems to be in order.
Nothing sticks out as being super or paranormal.
You are simply getting older.

[bethereal]

Well perhaps, but I feel like I can't access my unconscious or something. In comparison with my past experiences. And instead of evolving (growing) I feel the opposite to be happening. Like a blockage of some sort.

[Ramscha]

Well, you could simply ask you subconsciousness, how about it? [wink]

[Desecrated]

Well perhaps, but I feel like I can't access my unconscious or something. In comparison with my past experiences. And instead of evolving (growing) I feel the opposite to be happening. Like a blockage of some sort.

Have you ever climbed a mountain?

You look at it from afar. And think: It's not that big, I could climb that.

Halfway up you go: This is fucking impossible, I can't feel my body anymore, my muscles are dead, I'm dead, there is something wrong with me, I just saw a 50 year old woman walk up this mountain, why can't I do it.

On the top: How the fuck did I get here. I can't remember half of it.

3 weeks later: Dude, you should totally climb that mountain, it's not even that hard.

I find that most things in life follows this pattern.
If you are consciously trying to get in contact with your subconsciousness, you are going to have some obvious problems.
You've hit a small wall.
It's normal.
Keep climbing.

[bethereal]

Well, you could simply ask you subconsciousness, how about it? [wink]

I feel so stupid now that's so obvious and I never would have thought of that [thumbup]

Keep climbing.

You made a clear point, thank you! I'll keep mindful of those words


[pray]