Pain & the void

[Squinch]

Since doing psychedelics some two times around "conscious" people i have felt drained and quite literally like i'm dying. It feels like the safety and love i was once connected to is gone. My intentions in boths situations were always to keep to myself and enjoy the night so in no way is this a direct effect of me being shitty to someone else or crossing anyone's boundaries.

I don't know what to do in this new reality that has replaced the standard. All i know is that my soul is at stake and i've gotta get widdit but i don't know how. I'm in the dark and have been since day one.This place is callous and dramatic and i'd rather stay away but somewhere within it is what i need. It very much seems that i am now a slave to something else. Im being put to a painful test but theres not enough good that i can see within it for it to be worth it at all. Despite experiencing reality normally when im around the general public, i receive messages from those individuals that also dwell here. They just read me but do not help. My inner light is not enough, neither is love from my family and friends (which have no idea what i've been going through). I have been choosing to rot rather than act because i'm stubborn and don't know where to go or how to get there. On top of that my self esteem has been at an all time low. I should, despite the danger and humiliation i will be meet with, be pushing through this. Deteriorating and staying in the same place is not a cycle i can keep up with. I haven't had any luck finding any answers/intel online so i am reaching out here. Does anyone have any insight, esoterically or otherwise, on this situation?

I wrote something longer previously and it got wiped and sent into the internet void</3 If you want more detail feel free to ask. Thanks in advance

[LoneWolf]

Dark night of the soul, ride it confortablely.

You are speaking from negative emotions. Balance.

Wish you well